Follow You
by winterschildren
Summary: Bucky Barnes thought that 'going under' would be best for him. He thought that entering himself into a comatose would diffuse the war that waged within his mind every time he closed his eyes. When it doesn't work, he's back at square one, and Tony Stark enlists the help of New York's brightest and most ambitious psychologist in order to help the newest member of the team.
1. Annelise

**i hope you enjoy this. i know i said that i wasn't going to upload it until i was finished with the other series, but i couldn't help myself.**

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There was something spectacular about the human body. The way that it moved. The way the chest contracted and expanded with each breath. The battle scars of weight loss. The different shades of hair, different shapes of noses, different curves. The way that a woman's breasts were never the same size, unless of course, they were artificial; modified in a way to make everyone think they were handed down to her by the grace of genetics. None of them could hide the truth once their clothes came off, and they stood in the center of the room, contorted into the pose of the day.

Not that there was anything wrong with surgically modifying one's body for the sole purpose making it look better than it had before. The term didn't only categorize implants, and botox, and gastric bypass surgeries. It categorized something as simple as getting your hair dyed a different color than that of which you had been born with, or wearing makeup, or stuffing your bra. The point is that it doesn't matter how many things you do to yourself, once all of the clothes come off, and you're completely and utterly exposed, it's still your body. It's still you.

The woman in the middle of the room was young; Daisy, was her name. Her naked frame had been sketched before; laying on a white sheet, her limbs entangled with those of a young man. But today, the woman stood still- arms holding her hands under her chin, almost as if she was praying- alone, in front of a classroom of judgmental art students who claimed that drawing naked men and women was their passion. The psychology student, who only did this to pass the time, looked around the room at her peers. A majority of them she could tell had only taken this exact class because they most likely never got the chance to see a naked body in person; and the rest really were passionate about the art.

Her fingers smoothed over the lead lines she had drawn, leaving a dark grey smudge in the wake. It was a necessary evil in order for the finished product to be perfect- in order for Daisy to be perfect. In order for the shadows to make her drawing come to life, as if the woman on the paper could spring right from the page at any moment. Her fingers were always filthy; always covered in pencil dust, watercolor paints, and dried clay. So much so that she contemplated ways to invent a portable sink, because hand sanitizer never quite did the trick.

She looked up to the pale skinned subject of her portrait, and let her pencil roll from her fingers to the crease of her sketchpad. This was the point in her day that she wondered how Daisy had come to be here; not just here, in the art studio, but _here_ in general. What choices did the naked girl make in her life that brought her to volunteer as being a model for sexualized young adults who didn't want to draw her, but touch her? It was the psychology aspect of her mind that made her wonder about everyone's life choices.

Even the boy sitting one easel away, who smelled of fryer grease and chicken nuggets. What was he searching for through his curly, black hair that fell in front of his eyes as he tried his hardest to make his portrait somewhat realistic? _He probably likes anime_ , she thought as she studied the big, cartoon eyes and exceptionally large breasts of his Daisy. What were his aspirations? Where did he come from? Did he ever think of becoming something else?

When the class was dismissed and Daisy was stepping from the platform and slipping into a robe, and even after everyone had packed up their sketchpads and pencils, the psychology major still sat in her chair; staring at the grey woman in her book- just thinking about the universe, and her own decisions that brought her to be sitting here in this very moment. She wanted to be something else, once. At one point she wanted to be an astronaut, an actress, a crash-test dummy.

She packed up her own things, slinging her tote bag over her shoulder and tucking her pencil behind her right ear; a beat up copy of The Great Gatsby was held tightly to her chest. Her professor had given her a strange look, and she realized that there were more appropriate places to contemplate your entire existence that weren't in the dark corner of a classroom. He had asked her if she was alright, to which she just gave him a simple nod, and a small wave; leaving him with a promise of seeing him at the next class.

"Annelise Beck," the voice was too familiar. It made her stop dead in her tracks almost as soon as she exited the classroom. There were still a few straggling students littering the hallway, rushing to get to their next class. She was late herself. "I was starting to wonder if you were ever going to come out of there."

Her head turned the the left, eyeing the man who stood leaned against the wall next to a bulletin board of volunteer opportunities and club openings. "Well, look what the cat dragged in." Her tone was overly sarcastic, and her lips formed into a smile that wasn't at all genuine. "What do you want, Stark?"

The man smirked in her direction as his eyes watched the students in the hall dissipate. "No, 'hi, Tony', 'it's nice to see you, Tony'? You're always so nice to me whenever we have the pleasure of running into each other." He quipped, so talented when it came to witty banter. "What are you doing drawing naked people? I thought you were a psychology major?"

Her smile was genuine now; a set of pearly white teeth contrasting against the light pink of her lips. "I think you may have meant _displeasure_." She retorted. "And it's just a hobby." Her feet picked up the pace once again, carrying her in the direction of the bathroom so that she may wash the lead stains from her hands; leaving the man rushing to fall into step with her. "You didn't answer my question."

"Right, straight to the point. As usual." Tony mentioned. "Remember when I offered you a job, and you sent the letter back with a giant middle finger drawn on it?"

She laughed at the memory, stopping where she was as her head fell back in laughter. That was until she noticed the look on Tony's face; the look in his eyes. The pleading, puppy-dog pout that she should have expected from him. "No." She shook her head. "No way. I'm not going to sit around and listen to your little band of 'superheroes' whine about their problems all day. No. No amount of money in the world would talk me into that. Absolutely not." Before he even had a chance to reply, Annelise threw the bathroom door open. "It's been a real _pleasure_ , Tony."

Her tote bag dropped to the floor at her feet as she shoved her sleeves to her elbows. If she had pumped the soap dispenser any harder, it might have fallen from the wall. Her thoughts were scrambled with the conversation she had just had with the man she hoped wouldn't still be waiting for her when she stepped out of the washroom. If she knew Tony Stark, however, she knew not to bet on him actually leaving. He was the richest man in the world, and the richest man in the world didn't get rich by giving up. He also got everything he wanted.

Her eyes instinctively rolled when she saw him standing outside of the door. "What if I told you I could get you one-on-one with James Buchanan Barnes?" He asked simply, once again stopping her right where she was. Her expression was no longer sarcastic, no longer annoyed, and as much as she hated to admit it- Tony Stark had just gotten her exactly where he wanted her. "I know you've been studying him. I read your little articles on your little blog, it's cute."

"James Barnes doesn't talk to anyone," she told him; already knowing that every psychologist who had tried to get him to open up about his past had failed. "What makes you think he'll talk to me?"

Tony dropped his head to the left. "Because you're a beautiful girl, Miss Beck." His tone insinuated that she should have already known his answer. "I'd put my money on Bucky Barnes being a real womanizer in the forties, and you know, old habits die hard."

She scoffed at his tactics. "You're delusional, you know that?"

He shrugged, making a face. "Think about it. You know where I'll be if you change your mind."

Tony Stark turned on his heel, leaving her standing wide eyed and open mouthed in the hallway. As if she would actually _need_ time to think about his proposal. And she knew that he knew what her answer would ultimately be. If it wouldn't have made her seem absolutely, painstakingly desperate, she would have jumped at the opportunity.

An interview with the infamous Winter Soldier was the holy grail for a psychologist; and even though she was only a measly guidance counselor for New York City Public Schools- one year away from completing her Master's program- she still had dreams. And finding out what made James Barnes' neurons fire was on top of that list. It wasn't because better psychiatrists had tried, and failed… It was because no matter how much time she spent reading over countless newspaper articles, and interviewing people who had been victims of his crimes… No matter how much she thought she knew about him, she was nearly one hundred percent positive that the man was an iceberg. And she had only barely scratched the surface, if at all.

When her last class of the day had finished, she skipped her usual routine of grabbing an early dinner with her best friend, and instead went straight to her apartment. A little, red '3' blinked on her answering machine, because she was old fashioned enough to still have a house phone; where she mostly directed the bill collectors.

" _Hello, this call is for Annelise Beck. My name is Gina Reynolds from MasterCard, I was calling to discuss the outstanding balance on your accou-"_

Delete.

" _Annie, it's mom! You haven't been answering your cell, honey. Are you okay? You usually always answer my calls, and I'm just very worried about you, sweetheart. How are things with you and Sean? I hope they are okay. Your father and I miss you very much, and please call us back! We love you!"_

Delete.

" _Baby, please call me ba-"_

Delete.

She threw open the doors to her closet and dug through the very depths to find a white, button down shirt- that was most likely too small for her now- and her black, pencil skirt. Her most professional outfit, that she- upon seeing herself in the mirror- noticed had a coffee stain near the collar. _Shit_ , she thought to herself. Her brain panicked before her eyes spotted a silk scarf in the corner of her closet floor. _Perfect_.

There was a knock on her front door as she slipped a pair of black pantyhose over her prickly legs. "Who is it?" She called, hoping it wasn't anyone important. Now was not the time. It was getting late, and the Avengers tower was not within walking distance. And this was all assuming that James Barnes would actually be there, waiting to be evaluated. Why was she trying so hard?

" _It's Rich!"_ Her best friend called from the other side of the door.

"You know where the spare key is, why are you knocking?" She yelled at him, almost falling over as she tried to move the sheer fabric around her legs so that it was sitting correctly. "I'm a little busy."

"I didn't know if you were busy, busy." He said, stepping into her apartment. His mouth hung open slightly at his bottomless friend, hunched over on the couch trying to fix her hosiery. "Why are you getting all dressed up?"

"Tony Stark offered me a job," she told him. It wasn't uncommon for them to walk around without clothes around each other. She had known Rich Gilbert since the two of them were in diapers. Richard raised an eyebrow at her before moving to make himself a pot of coffee. "This time I don't think I can say no. I mean, I know I'm not going to say no. I knew as soon as he asked me again."

"You've said no before," he noted. "What's different this time? More money?"

"God no," Annelise replied as she shimmied into her pencil skirt. "It's not about the money. I mean, I'm drowning in debt, but that's not why I'm doing this."

She stared at herself in her full length mirror; straightening out the kinks in her outfit, smoothing her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she shrugged into a black blazer, and buttoned it in the middle, accentuating her waist. She knew, by the smirk on her friend's lips, that he knew exactly what Tony Stark had offered her.

"I've got to go," she said as she pulled her peacoat from the hook by her front door. "Will you be here when I get back?" Rich nodded towards her, as he sipped on his coffee. "If you drink all my coffee, make sure you go to the store and buy more. And not that cheap hazelnut shit that you like, I want Starbucks Espresso Roast."

"This is why you're so broke! It's all the same, you know!" He called after her as she pulled her door shut.

She thought about earlier; sitting in her art classroom alone- trying to pinpoint the exact decisions that had lead her there- while everyone had packed up and left. Was a subway a better place to do some soul searching? While her neighbor buried his nose in between the black and white pages of The New York Times, she searched her brain for that exact moment…

When did the Powers That Be look down on her and say, 'she will move to New York, she will study the human brain, and she will find herself on the front porch of the Avengers Tower with a coffee stain on her shirt'? Because she was almost certain that this wasn't what they had planned. What changed, and when, and why now?

"Annelise," Tony's voice sounded as she stepped through the elevator doors on to the twelfth floor. "I knew you could resist me."

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 **musical inspiration:**

 **1\. psycho killer - the talking heads**

 **2\. pity party - melanie martinez**

 **reviews are appreciated and encouraged**


	2. Iceberg

**a giant thank you to NESSAANCALIME6913 for the first review!**

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She left with a cardboard box chock full of information.

Tony had given her everything he had; an abundance of files, video tapes, and scheduled interviews with the other members of his organization who could give her more insight into the Winter Soldier. She poured over it for hours after she left the tower, staying up til dawn re-reading every little piece of new information until she memorized every word.

Every video she watched a dozen times, studying his body language. Just because he didn't answer the questions didn't mean that he wasn't answering them. " _Do you remember your mother?"_ His eyes shifted to the left, which generally meant that he was recalling the memories; and they were good memories judging by the ghost of a smirk that tugged at the corners of his lips. And when his eyes glanced downward to the right, usually meant that he was accessing feelings, which is when the smirk disappeared; and she knew that those feelings were sadness.

" _Do you remember Rebecca?"_ His jaw would tense, a sign of displacement- anger, tension. His eyes would drop downward towards his lap, where his hands gripped at his sweats; was it guilt? She knew that his sister was much younger than he was at his _time of death_ , and that she very well may have still been alive. She may have even been here, in New York. Annelise popped the cap from her highlighter and circled the woman's name in his file.

Above all things, however, the man couldn't control the way his body reacted whenever someone referred to him as _James._ The way his lips compressed. His eyes fixed on the interviewer, with a hostile glare, and even though the quality of the video wasn't high definition, she was sure that his pupils were contracting. His arms would cross over his chest, as if he were shutting himself out. And his body would tense to a tightness that almost looked as if he would implode. His eyes would roll back in his head, no doubt due to the annoyance he felt at having to tell them over and over again that his name is Bucky.

She played back the audio again and again, " _My name is Bucky"._

Next to her was a stack of books on the human brain, personality disorder, Alzheimer's disease, and body language. A lukewarm cup of coffee sat on top of them; her red lipstick stains lined the rim. Her phone vibrated from somewhere within the couch, and when she found it, she realized that it was time for her to wake up and start getting ready for work. Only she hadn't slept at all, and she had only watched this particular recording three times- which wasn't nearly enough.

She knew that today would be yet another day fueled by dark roasts and Five Hour Energy shots of the grape variety. But maybe in between the whining of high school seniors who were so sure that they were going to fail the final semester and that they wouldn't make it into the college of their dreams, she would find time to continue her research. Maybe even Susie Harrington would drop by and complain about her famous- on a high school level- boyfriend, Bradley Carter, and how she was _so sure_ that he was cheating on her _again_.

Tony had messaged her with a time and place for an impromptu meeting with the one and only Captain Steve Rogers, which had only added to the stress she felt as she tried to make herself a packed lunch and fresh cup of coffee at the same time. She was running late, and desperately trying to not squirt plum juice onto her clothes as she bit into her breakfast and ran out of the apartment. Her lack of sleep had her feeling sluggish, and moving about five minutes slower than normal.

It was commented upon when she skidded through the double doors of the guidance office at Eleanor Roosevelt High School. The other counselors who were much older- and of course, much more established than she was- laughed at her as she stumbled down the hallway and into her own office with her tote bag filled with school books, and her briefcase with her laptop and files on Bucky Barnes. She always heard their comments, and couldn't count on two hands how many times they had called her a basket case. Disregarding them by slamming her office door shut, Annelise shoved the papers on her desk into a drawer and unloaded her bags; beginning again on her homework.

She didn't realize she had dozed off until a soft knock came from the door, and she peeled her head from her desk where she had drooled a bit on one of the files Tony had lent her. A groan escaped her lips as she wiped her mouth, and then heard the knock again, and shot her eyes up to the clock; she had been asleep for almost two hours. " _Miss Beck?_ " The student asked, and Annelise panicked. Spread across her desk was the evidence that she was studying a known serial killer and assassin, and she doubted that whoever it was would understand. She hurriedly stuffed the files to another part of her desk and tried to straighten herself up before calling to the student to come in.

It was Susie Harrington.

"Shouldn't you be in Trigonometry?"

"Shouldn't you not be sleeping on the job?"

"Well played," Annelise retorted to the young woman. "What brings you here, today? It's obviously very important to you if you're skipping your favorite class. And you keep pulling your sleeves over your hands which signifies that you're nervous." She took a sip from her mug, but made a face at the cold coffee that swirled in her mouth.

"How do you do that?" Susie asked, her counselor only shrugged. "I broke up with Bradley, and I'm not sure if it was the right decision."

"Trust me, it was." Susie shifted uncomfortably as her mentor continued to dig through the drawers of her desk to find that stowaway Red Bull she knew was stuffed in there somewhere. "Sorry," she told the young woman when she realized that she wasn't giving her the attention she was searching for. "Look," her hands began writing a pass for her to go back to class. "Stop giving this guy, who is clearly not worth your time, any more attention than you already have. It's almost the end of the semester, and you have exams coming up, and you will feel a lot worse when your grades drop because you were so wrapped up in Bradley Carter."

She jutted the pass in the direction of the student sat across from her, and gave her a reassuring smile. "Go back to class, Susie. Don't come back here unless you want to talk about which Ivy league college you're going to."

The girl looked like she was close to tears. "Thank you, Miss Beck." She stood up from her chair and took the two steps to the door. "I just want to know, how do you do it?"

"When you're my age you'll figure it out. Go."

The rest of the school day went by rather quickly, and she managed to stay awake for the remainder of it; handing out college pamphlets to inquiring students, and doling out advice on how to bring their grades up before time had run out- and even writing a few letters of recommendation for the students she really liked. Her body was running on fumes; sputtering and spitting out smog like an old truck on empty. Her mouth had developed a permanent frown, and the bags under her eyes were darker than the storm clouds that loomed over Manhattan.

She had a Theories of Personality class in an hour, and instead of taking a nap in one of the comfortable chairs at the NYU library, she found herself slouching in the back of a coffee shop while she waited for Captain America to walk through the door. She kept that to herself, because it sounded completely insane; " _Can I get two lattes? I'm waiting for Captain America to meet me here so he can tell me all about his best friend who is the deadliest assassin in United States history, but it's okay because it wasn't really him; see he was_ _being brainwashed by Hydra."_

And suddenly there he was. The sunglasses and baseball hat didn't throw her off, because he was a wall of a man. The kind of man you didn't see on the streets of Manhattan because the streets of Manhattan were filled with beyond-average art students, and lawyers, and bearded hipster guys with jeans that were cut off at the knees, and guys who were dressed to the nines just to go get lunch at a food truck.

He looked around the coffee shop for a moment, and she wondered if he even knew who she was, so she gave him a small wave; completely aware of the glares she was getting from behind the counter. They boosted her confidence enough that her perma-frown turned up into a smile.

"Tony didn't exactly tell me what you looked like," he mentioned as he took the seat across from her.

"Thank you for meeting with me," she replied as she pulled out her tape recorder. "I hope you don't mind if I record our conversation. It's just that I can listen to it later, in case I missed something."

"I don't mind at all." He motioned to the coffee she had bought for him, as if asking if it was for him and she nodded in response. "I'd like to thank you for agreeing to help Buck. A lot of people have tried, and they haven't been successful, so it means a lot."

She pressed the button on her recorder and a small, red light began blinking. "We don't have much time before I have to get to class, but can you tell me about how he's been transitioning since he left Wakanda?"

Steve held his drink in both hands, elbows rested on the table. He dropped his gaze to the cup and gave a half of a smile. "He seems to be okay most of the time. I can tell that he tries to fit in-"

"How?" She asked, and he looked up surprised. "Uh, sorry I didn't mean to interrupt you, but exactly how can you tell that he's trying to fit in?"

"When he first came to live in the tower, he stayed in his room the entire time, only coming out to go to the gym and beat holes into the punching bags." She moved her pen to the paper and scribbled down a note. "But then he started to come out more, and he would eat his breakfast at the table instead of taking it back to his room. He would actually come out into the common room and watch television with us. Sometimes only for a little bit, though, he wouldn't stay for long."

Annelise nodded her head as she listened to Rogers. "What are your conversations about, usually?"

"We don't have many." He frowned. "They are usually centered around missions and memories we have from the past."

"He likes to talk about the forties?" Her voice raised with surprise.

"I don't know if he likes talking about it, but those are the only real memories that we have. We haven't had time to make new ones, yet."

"Do you ever go out together?"

Steve shook his head and took a long gulp from the cardboard cup in his hand. "We've asked him if he wanted to go out. Tony likes to get everyone together for these movie nights, and we'll all go to a theater together. But Bucky stays home, and I've offered to stay with him, and we could do something else, but he tells me that he doesn't want me to miss out on a good time."

She ran a hand through her hair, and winced when her fingers became tangled in the knots. "Just from what you've told me, and what I've heard from Tony, who doesn't put their relationship in the best of terms, it sounds like he might be distancing himself from everyone else either because he doesn't want to hurt anyone. He may be afraid to get too close because he doesn't want to lose anyone. Or it might be because he doesn't think he deserves it. It may be all three."

The expression on Steve's face showed that he wasn't taking her words lightly. In fact, his eyes became a little glossy; like telling a child that their dog died while they were at school. Annelise reached over the table and placed her hand on top of his. "I'm going to try and help him as best I can, Captain. And I swear to you, I will not give up."

He smiled at her, but she could see that he was ruminating over what she had said to him. He wasn't trying especially hard to hide the sadness in his eyes. The truth was that this would be the hardest thing she had ever done in her life; harder than telling her father she no longer wanted to play piano, harder than deciding between cheesecake or peanut butter buckeye ice cream, harder than her S.A.T test. Helping someone who was in denial about needing help was beyond her skill set. She wasn't a therapist. She was a fucking guidance counselor, and it baffled her still that Tony Stark would choose her _of all people_ for this job.

Captain Rogers thanked her for the coffee and the two left soon after; he even offered to walk her to the building where her class was held. She thanked him, still completely aware of the attention the two were getting; this time by her classmates. A few of them even asked the man for an autograph, which he politely agreed to.

"Thank you again, Ms. Beck." He told her. "I hope you can get through to him."

"I hope so, too."

She recorded the lecture on her phone, and diverted her attention to her laptop where her fingers flew over the keys as she typed up a slew of questions to ask at their interview the next day. She wanted to try a different approach, but she had no idea where to start; and became exasperated trying to figure out what questions she could ask him that wouldn't make him look like his intestines were slowly exploding. His sister was off limits, mother too. In fact anything from the 1940's was barred.

It was completely obvious that his past was exactly what was haunting him, and why handfuls of psychiatrists were dead set on making him relive it was beyond her. In big, black letters, she typed at the top of the document, ' **TALK ABOUT STEVE'**. Because Steve was the only good thing in his life, and no one had tried that approach before. They all wanted to walk down memory lane with a trained psychopath; which she was surprised didn't wind up in her predecessors being choked to death.

Rich was on the couch when she got home.

She kicked off her heels, and was in a state of bliss as her bare feet touched the hardwood flooring of her apartment. The coffee pot was dripping, and she groaned at the smell of fresh dark roast brewing from the kitchen. Her best friend didn't need to ask about her day, he already knew it was long and tiring, and that it would only set her off on a tangent about her judgy coworkers and bitchy professors.

Annelise melted into the couch, placing her feet in her friend's lap. "Susie Harrington finally broke up with Bradley Carter," she told him as a exhausted yawn escaped her throat.

"They'll be back together tomorrow," he replied. Grabbing the remote from the living room table, he switched it over to Friends, which he knew would help her relax.

Before he even could set the remote back down, Annelise was already asleep.

* * *

 **bucky will be in the next one! i hope you're all excited!**

 **musical inspiration:**

 **1\. night time - the xx**

 **2\. black & blue - james tw**

 **reviews are appreciated and encouraged!**


	3. Turning Tables

**thank you to NESSAANCALIME6913 and lourdes1694 for reviewing.**

 **you guys are the absolute best! i hope you enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

" _Wear something provocative."_

Two hours before she was to be at the Avengers tower, Tony himself had called her 'just to check in'. Only what he really called to say was that she should throw on her fishnets and stilettos, because apparently he thought that it would be hilarious to see the look on Bucky Barnes' face when she strode in looking like something out of a porno flick.

" _Better yet, you should run out and buy one of those skimpy, little nurse's outfits that they sell at the lingerie store. You know the one that has little, red heart buttons going down the front that comes with a fake stethoscope?"_

Laid out on her bed were a pair of skinny black dress slacks, her white button up- which was now free of any coffee stains, sweat stains, and wrinkles- a heather grey knit sweater, and a darker grey blazer. Her only decision now was hair up or down, and if she should wear nude heels or black ones. Again, she found herself wondering why she was trying so damn hard to impress someone she had never met; and better yet, why she was trying to impress someone who had killed over two dozen people!

How fucked up was she?

In her mind, Bucky Barnes already hated her. He already despised the little bows on her shoes, the makeup she wore, and the waves in her hair. He had already decided he wasn't going to answer a single question she would ask him, and that he would sit there silently with his arms folded over his chest while he judged her every move. In her mind, she would make one wrong move and the man would be on her like a cheetah on his prey, metal hand wrapped around her throat, laughing as he watched her choke on her own blood.

The smell of burning hair quickly pulled her from her ridiculous thoughts, making her realize that she had left the curling iron sitting for too long. Rich was sitting on the edge of the tub, flipping through a home decor magazine that she kept on on the back of the toilet. Every now and again he would say something like, 'I don't know what it is with you and serial killers' or 'you're definitely the weirdest friend I have'. To which Annelise would reply, 'I'm the only friend you have'.

Once she had finished getting dressed she turned to her friend who gave her a firm nod. "It's not at all provocative." He told her, pulling rogue strand of hair from the arm of her blazer.

"Yeah," she shrugged. "Tony Stark can kiss my ass."

He handed held out her coat, allowing her to slid her arms inside. "Good luck," he offered. "I know you're excited and probably nervous as fuck."

"You have no idea," she replied. "I'll call you when I'm done and let you know how it goes."

"If I don't answer it's because I have that date-thing tonight." He replied with a sheepish smile, holding the door open for her.

She stepped out into the hallway and quickly turned on her heel. "Oh! That's right, Gabrielle?" Rich nodded. "Well she'd be stupid not to like you. I'll see you later."

With that, Annelise jogged down two flights of stairs and out into the brisk mid-November air of Manhattan. It was nearing Thanksgiving, and every shop she passed on the way to the subway were filled with holiday decorations, and had signs in their windows about some giant sale on Black Friday; **everything** was 70% off. She had lived in the city her entire life, and she knew that Black Friday in New York was a 'board up your windows' kind of day. The only thing she was looking forward to was the week off from work.

Her parents and her brother- he'd never admit it- wanted her to come home for Thanksgiving. She declined over twelve times, and yet they still asked nearly everyday. It started getting desperate when Daniel would call; the monotonous sound of her twin brother through her answering machine made her laugh as he begged for her to visit per their mother's request.

" _You could bring Sean and it'll be just like old times",_ she could hear her mother's voice in her head as she boarded the train. She still hadn't talked to her mother, or any of her family, since the break up. Truth was, she was ashamed. Sean Fuller was the 'perfect boyfriend', according to everyone she knew. He was good looking, he went to Yale, he would inherit a mansion one day. Her Upper East Side, socialite friends envied her when he asked her to be his girlfriend. If only they had known four years later…

She wanted to see them, but only for a total of about fifteen minutes. Long enough to give everyone a hug, grab a turkey leg, and hightail it outta there. She'd love to see her grandfather, only to hear what kooky thing he'd say this year. Last year he could have sworn his name was Mitch and that he had worked in the circus as a sword swallower. Only his name was Donald and he worked as a mechanic his entire life. Also because he was the only person in the family who was adamant about his disdain for her ex-boyfriend, even with his dementia.

When she arrived at her destination, Annelise pushed every thought she had to the back of her mind. Well, every thought except, _I can't believe I'm doing this_ ; which was clear and present, and screaming at her as she stepped through the glass doors. The security guard gave her a nod and she returned with a small smile, crossing the lobby to the elevator. When the doors sprung open, she was surprised to see a familiar face; a set of plump lips, and a long mane of red hair.

"Well if it isn't my favorite member of the Beck family," Natasha stated with a sly smirk. It had been nearly a year since Annelise had seen the famous Russian. "Nothing against your brother, he's cute. Please tell him to stop calling me."

"You know my brother, Nat." She replied, giving her old friend a hug. "He's persistent when it comes to women. Too persistent for someone who only wants a one night stand."

"I heard you're here to try and work some magic on Barnes." The redhead asked, holding her arm between the elevator doors so that they wouldn't close. Her big, green eyes scanned her friend's outfit. "Tony didn't tell you to dress more provocatively?"

Annelise rolled her eyes. "I'm not going to use my body to try and coerce a patient into talking with me. If I had a body like yours, maybe I would, but I don't."

Nat released her arm and laughed through her nose. "Don't sell yourself short, kid."

Before the doors could close fully, Annelise sprang forward, sticking her arm through. "Hey, Nat!" She called at her friend who was already making her way across the lobby and towards the exit. "Is there anything you can tell me about him before I go?"

The woman dropped her head to the right and shrugged. "We knew each other once, he trained with me in Russia. That was a long time ago, and honestly, the man that I knew is long gone. It's almost as if he's a completely different person. Other than that, there isn't much I know about him, he sticks to himself the majority of the time that he's here."

"Thanks," Annelise replied. "It was nice to see you again."

When the soft _ding!_ came from overhead, signaling that she was on the twelfth floor, her hands became clammy in the half of a second it took for the doors to separate. Mentally she was giving herself a pep talk, reminding herself that she had only dreamed of this very moment, and now her dreams were becoming a reality- and not a lot of people could say that. She swallowed the knot that had formed in her throat, tasting the remnants of coffee on her tongue, and stepped from the elevator.

The first thing she noticed was the jazz music playing from the overhead speakers; which was most likely Tony's way of _setting the mood_. It would have to go. The second thing she noticed were the three men standing across the room. One of them she knew very well- unfortunately, the other she had just met yesterday, and then there was _him_ ; James Buchanan Barnes, in all of his mysterious glory, leaning against the counter. His eyes scrutinizing her, almost making her feel uncomfortable.

Upon seeing her, Tony rolled his eyes at her attire, silently scolding her for not taking his advice. "You made it," he stated. As if she would change her mind at the last minute which- if he was being honest- wouldn't have surprised him one bit. "Annelise, this is James Barnes." She noted the annoyance that washed over her new patient's face. "James, this is Annelise Beck."

She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear before holding her hand out to him. "Bucky." She said to not only correct Tony- who only rolled his eyes once more- but to make Bucky feel more at ease. The slight squinting of his eyes did not go unnoticed. He was already surprised by her. "It's nice to meet you, and you can call me Anne."

He didn't return the handshake. She would have been surprised if he had. Instead he only nodded his head, his lips pulling into a tight-lipped smile.

Annelise pointed to ceiling. "Let's change it to something a little more modern, yeah?"

"You don't like my taste in music?" Tony quipped.

"No, I do." She replied. "I just don't think it's very fitting."

Tony glared at her before pulling a device from his pocket, and within a few moments the music was changed to something from this decade; acoustic, slow. She smiled a sarcastically sweet smile at him, knowing that she was already getting on his nerves. "Interrogation room's this way," he mentioned as he began to stalk off towards a gleaming, all-white room with a giant two-way mirror that she could see from where she was standing.

She didn't budge however, and neither did Captain Rogers nor Bucky. "Why don't we try something a little more comfortable?" She asked, her eyes glancing up to meet Bucky's blue ones. Her hand motioned to a set of leather couches, and he nodded in response. Her approach seemed to be working already, leaving Steve and Tony standing awkwardly at the island bar. "We're all good here, thanks."

Stark gaped at her, wondering what in the hell she thought she was doing. She pulled her cell from her coat pocket and sent him a quick text, " _You wanted me to get through to him, right? Take Rogers and go somewhere else! You listening in on every interview he's ever had is probably the reason he doesn't want to talk to anyone!"_ Moments later, Tony was nudging the Captain in the arm, and the two left the room shortly after.

Bucky's eyes darted around the room, completely unsure of what exactly was happening. She inhaled and exhaled slowly, slipping from her pea coat and draping it over the back of the couch she had claimed. Secretly, she pressed the 'record' button on her voice recorder and left it in her pocket. The sight of it might make him uneasy, so she didn't pull it out. She was becoming more and more unsure of herself as she took a seat opposite the brunette. Her eyes watched him for a moment; taking in his appearance. His hair was neatly pulled back in a bun that sat low on the back of his neck. He was dressed in a pair of black fitted jeans, and a long-sleeved, red shirt that had two buttons near the neck; both of which were unbuttoned to reveal a grey t-shirt underneath.

His body was tense, but that was a given. He understandably didn't like meeting new people, especially therapists. But he was here, which gave her the notion that he was at least trying- even if it was for everyone's sake but his own. Her head dropped to the right when she noticed the silver appendage sticking out from beneath the red sleeve. She tried to count the number of plates on each finger before he realized she was staring and he instinctively stuffed his hand deep in his pocket.

After about ten, excruciatingly awkward minutes, Annelise just said _fuck it_ ; and abandoned every plan she had made for this very moment. "So," she began. "How do you want this to go? Do you want to talk to me or would you rather we just stare at each other for an hour or two?"

His eyebrows pulled together in confusion. "Uh, what?" He asked her, and the corners of her mouth twitched up into a grin; he at least said _something_. Even if it was just a confused blurb, she had already accomplished something about six multi-degree psychologists had not. She made Bucky Barnes talk, and it wasn't along the lines of him having to reiterate that he preferred to be called by his nickname instead of his given name.

"I'm going to be honest with you, Buck." She stated, situating herself into a more comfortable position. His blue eyes watched her as she leaned back against the couch. "Can I call you Buck?" He hesitated, but nodded. "I spent the majority of my night typing up nearly a hundred questions that I would like to ask you, but what is the point if you don't want to talk to me? So I figured if you wanted to, you could just tell me what you wanted me to know."

He swallowed hard, looking anywhere but in front of him. He was nervous- painstakingly so, and he couldn't hide it to save his life. "Uh, usually they start with my past." He stated, and carded a hand through the locks of hair that had fallen from his bun; slicking them back into place. Sitting in front of him made her realize just how attractive he was, and could only imagine what he must have looked like before Hydra had destroyed his mind.

"But you would rather not, right?" She asked. "I don't want to make you talk about something you don't want to talk about. So why don't we talk about your present? It's almost Thanksgiving. Do you have any plans?"

He gave her a breathy laugh, and it made her feel much more at ease and the confidence pulsed through her. "You want to know about my Thanksgiving plans? What kind of therapist are you?"

She threw her head back in laughter, it may have been nervous laughter, but it was laughter nonetheless. And when she looked at him, she saw the faintest smile still lingering on his face. "I'm a high school guidance counselor," she confessed. "So yes, I'd like to know about your Thanksgiving plans. If you have any, that is."

His gaze dropped back towards his lap and he jutted out his bottom lip in an attempt at a frown. "It's been over seventy years since I've eaten a home cooked Thanksgiving meal," he replied. "Stark is having a dinner, but I don't know-"

Bucky's voice trailed off, and suddenly the air was thicker, and silence settled into the empty space between the two of them. "But you don't want to go," she finished for him. The expression in his eyes told her she was wrong. "No, you _do_ what to go." He made eye contact with her, possibly wondering if she could read his mind. She was finding that it was becoming increasingly harder to get a read on him, as he realized that his body language was giving himself away. His movements became generic, and he kept his gaze ahead; almost mirroring her. "What is it?"

"Tell me about you," he stated. _Is he flipping the tables_ , she asked herself. "You want me to tell you all about myself, and yet I know nothing about you."

She smirked, defensively hiding the fact that she was screaming at herself as her mind tried to wrap around the fact that he was using her own tactics against her. "It goes both ways, Mr. Barnes." With that, she stood from the couch and pulled her pea coat from the back; slipping her arms through the sleeves. "I think that's enough for our first meeting, don't you?"

"Sure." He said simply. His eyes squinting in the process.

"It was a pleasure to meet you," she said and held her hand out one more time. This time, however, he gently took her hand in his and shook it; the sensation sent a chill throughout the entire right side of her body. "I-I'll see you at our next meeting."

She crossed the room and pressed the button for the elevator, which was there in the blink of an eye, and she was beyond thankful for that. Another millisecond in the presence of Bucky Barnes and she might have exploded. He gave her a genuine smile before the doors closed, and she was left wondering what in the hell had just happened.

* * *

 **well that went exceptionally well, don't you think? and i can't wait to draw this out. bucky you sexy, charming womanizer you! whatever will i do with you!? whatever is poor annelise going to do with you!?**

 **musical inspiration is as follows:**

 **1\. think - aretha franklin**

 **2\. be careful, it's my heart - frank sinatra**

 **3\. crazy - daniela andrade**

 **let me know what you guys think!**


	4. Days Gone By

**thanks to NESSAANCALIME6913 for reviewing.**

 **and to all the people who have given this story a favorite and a follow.**

* * *

There was no school.

There was no work.

It had been four days.

The agreement was that she would meet with Bucky Barnes once a week, and yet it had only been four days. Four days and she was chomping at the bit to see him again. Four whole days of her brain doing that pinpointing thing again. Four days of her playing back their conversation over and over again, so much so that she had memorized the rough sound of his voice. Four days of her brain going crazy with thoughts of a long haired, metal-armed man that had- for some reason- decided that he would make a permanent home somewhere in the deep, dark part of her mind.

The fact that it was Thanksgiving break, and she couldn't immerse herself in her work only made it worse. The week off had given her plenty of empty time to think about one thing- and one thing only. Her apartment had turned into a mess; her couch had turned into her bed, and her living room table had turned into her kitchen table. Coffee cups sat wherever there was a flat surface. They were on top of books, half-empty pizza boxes, the floor.

She was surprised when she heard a knock from her front door. It wasn't Rich, he was in Michigan visiting his parents. That's what she should have been doing, but watching television show episodes that she had probably seen more than six times was much more appealing. Besides, her body was molded into the couch by now, and she couldn't imagine actually getting up except to go to the bathroom. Or the coffee pot.

"Who is it?" She screeched, not even budging to move; except her pointer finger, clicking the mute button on the remote. This particular episode of Friends, the one where Phoebe finds a thumb in a can of soda- because that _so_ happens in real life- she had seen enough times to recite the lines. She knew it was pathetic, but she was still quoting it to herself; despite being a psychology major who _knew_ that habits like this were horribly unhealthy on the psyche.

" _It's your friendly, neighborhood Iron Man."_ Annelise suddenly remembered that she had a coffee date with Tony Stark; one which she had completely forgotten about. " _You stood me up, Beck. Do you know how utterly embarrassing it is to be stood up when you're Iron Man?"_

"I'm almost positive you found someone to take my place. Our meeting was supposed to be three hours ago, and you're just now here?" She yelled back. Her body ached in places she didn't even know could ache, due to sleeping on the couch for the better half of the week. With each step she took towards the door, her bones cracked into place, easing the soreness. "Let me guess; thin, doe-eyed, blonde hair, young enough to be your daughter. That was always your type. With Pepper gone, you've reverted back to your old ways, is that it?"

"So you do remember the time we were supposed to meet. And please, leave my personal life out of this." He stated as she opened the door for him to come in. He took a hard glance down at her physical state, and then moved his head to look over her shoulder. "Jesus, what in the Hell happened here?"

Annelise didn't reply. She only slouched back to her couch. "I've been doing research," was her reply. It wasn't entirely untrue. She was researching Bucky Barnes. Or more, she was _fantasizing_ about Bucky Barnes, which was wrong on more levels than one. "This is usually what happens when I become obsessed with my work." And boy, she _was_ obsessed alright!

"Speaking of your work," Stark began. "What did you do to him?" She glanced up at him, her eyebrows furrowed at his question. "He won't _shut up_ about you! Going on and on about how you're the worst one yet, telling me I need to hire someone else immediately, yada yada."

Her heart dropped to her stomach, and she couldn't hide the frown that tugged downwards on her lips. She told herself not to get her hopes up, but like a typical woman, she already had. Her brain, which liked to play out all the different scenarios that could or could not happen, had been right about one in particular; the scenario of Bucky Barnes hating her and never wanting to see her again. She wasn't surprised. She was unprofessional and she wasn't even qualified for this shit.

"Oh," she murmured. "Well, I guess thank you for the opportunity." Her eyes stung with tears but she fought them, turning her face away from Tony so that he couldn't see her struggling.

"I'm not going to fire you, Annie." Tony scoffed.

"You're not?"

"Why would I?" He asked in reply. She could think of a million reasons, and had began to wish he actually would have. "I've never seen the old man talk as much as he has in the past four days, since all of the time I've known him. And all he talks about is you. It's annoying, but, my little plan is working and I'm not about to pull the plug now."

"Why do you want to help him?" She asked. It was a valid question that she hadn't thought to ask. Tony described he and Bucky's relationship as 'strained at best', and there had to be a very good reason as to why he wanted to help the man who murdered his parents in cold blood. But the older man only shrugged, avoiding her gaze. "Tony, I've known you almost all of my life and I know that you don't do something unless there is something in it for you. So, I ask again, why do you want to help him?"

He rolled his eyes. "If the man is going to be living in my tower, I want to make sure he's not going to go psycho assassin on my entire staff." She didn't believe it for one second. His body language screamed that he was lying, but she decided to drop it for now. "Anywho, mind stopping by for an impromptu session with the geezer? He won't expect it, he doesn't think you're coming back til after Thanksgiving."

"Do you honestly think that's a good idea?" It was, in fact, a good idea. It was a great idea. Any idea that involved seeing those crystalline blue eyes again was fan-fucking-tastic, and she wanted to sign herself up immediately. But instead she sulked a little more and made herself seem unenthusiastic so that Tony didn't get the wrong impression.

"When's the last time you left your apartment?" He then asked. She opened her mouth to speak but was cut off. "Since last time, you don't need to answer it was a rhetorical question. Have you seen yourself? Take a shower, get dressed, and for God's sake wear something more provocative than fitted dress slacks."

It took her two hours to get ready.

Mainly because she fought Tony over the outfit he had picked out for her while she was in the shower; short skirt, a shirt with a plunging neckline that was very sheer and nearly see-through, and somewhere in the depths of her drawers, he had found her garter belt- which she wasn't going to pretend _wasn't_ creepy. In fact, she was appalled that the man- who was a good family friend, that somewhere in one of her mother's photo albums, was a picture of him holding her as a baby- had been through her underwear drawers.

He blackmailed her into wearing it; saying that if she didn't he would not only fire her, but he'd tell her father that she had a one night stand with his female assistant- which she wasn't even sure how he had found out about in the first place. It was nearly six years ago, when she was still working on her Bachelors in college, and it never happened again.

She privately admitted that she did look great. The skirt did wonders for her curves, and the bra that she had spent over fifty dollars on was on display through the thin, red fabric of her shirt. Tony had instructed her to cross her legs at some point, which would hike up the skirt enough so that her patient could see the strap that hooked her thigh-high tights to her belt. Apparently, that was really sexy to men, and of course Bucky Barnes was no exception to that rule, and her mind was in all different directions as she pictured every scenario that could possibly happen when she saw him again.

"Barnes is going to flip his shit when he sees you." He snickered as they walked through the front doors of the tower.

He was already on the couch when the pair stepped from the elevator. There was a book in his hands, his hair was down, and he was wearing sweatpants. This wasn't a good idea, but Tony pulled her along with him, despite her efforts to head right back towards the elevator. She could feel those blue eyes burning a hole straight through her as she accompanied Tony to the kitchen, where he prepared a drink for himself.

"It's a little warm, don't you think?" Tony asked, and motioned for her to let him help her out of the coat she was wearing. "Oh, Buck, I didn't see you there. You remember Miss Beck, right? She's going to be a little busy after the holiday, Black Friday shopping like women do, so I thought it'd be okay if you two met for another little therapy session tonight. You know, since the last one went so well."

She refused to make eye contact with him, but she knew that he probably looked like he was in pain, jaw clenched, teeth grinding together so hard they could crush rocks. Stark gave her a nudge, pushing her slightly in Barnes' direction. He mouthed the words 'have fun' before he disappeared behind a door and left the two of them alone.

Bucky's eyes were glued to the floor. The book was no longer in his hands, and his chest movements were quicker than normal. Chocolate colored, brown hair framed his face as he refused to look at the young woman standing in front of him, bending at the knees to take a seat on the couch that was directly across from himself.

As promised to Tony, Annelise pulled her leg over the other. Her eyes watched him like he was her prey, desperate for the body language she could so easily read. "Hello, Mr. Barnes." She smiled, proud of herself for not letting her voice shake as she spoke. "How have you been since our last meeting?"

His mouth didn't move. However, it took him a minute, but he eventually dragged his dark blue stare up the length of her legs before pausing briefly on the under part of her thigh. His jaw tightened, cheek muscles moving underneath his stubbled skin.

"I have to go, right now." He spoke quickly, before darting from the couch and towards the door that Tony disappeared through earlier. The door slammed and she flinched, worried that it would fall from its hinges. Seconds later she heard a crash, and was afraid for whatever Bucky had just destroyed behind those walls.

 _God dammit,_ she cursed to herself.

She picked up her phone from its place next to her on the couch and began pressing the buttons to dial Tony's phone number. But before she could click that little green button, Bucky was storming back into the room; all stormy, hunched shoulders, slipping out a few profanities as he ripped her coat from the kitchen counter. He stood in front of her, jutting the coat in her direction, silently begging her to cover herself. It took a moment for her brain to register that this was a man whom was born nearly a century ago; and that women did **not** dress this way.

"I'm sorry, it was Tony's idea." She confessed. Draping the coat over her exposed legs.

"I know," he replied softly.

"He wanted me to dress this way because he wanted to see how you'd react. He thought it'd make you 'flip your shit', is what he said." She felt horrible.

Bucky didn't reply, and it was painstakingly awkward between the two of them. Annelise wanted to throw a chair through the window and jump right out. Let her body splatter all over the pavement, and the patrons of New York City. "I don't even have any plans after the holiday, he made that up." She added. Again, he said nothing.

 _Shut up, Annelise! Just. Stop. Talking!_

"Why don't you have plans?" The question came to a surprise, and about three, long minutes too late. His oceanic eyes were, once again, holding her in a set of crosshairs.

"Uh- I, just- uh, you know-" her mind was spewing curse words directed at herself as she tripped over every word. "I'm just going to relax, and enjoy my last few days off from my real job." _There you go_ , she snapped in her mind.

The man opposite her gave a nod. "I decided that I would go to this dinner that they're having here." Her eyebrows shot up, and he smiled. The sight was enchanting. "You're surprised."

"Yes, I am." She answered. "The temptation of a fried turkey is too strong to resist, eh?"

"It's the pecan pie that I have a hard time resisting."

The words brought a smile to her face, which in turn made Bucky's own grin grow more wide. This time when the silence settled between them, it wasn't filled with the awkwardness that loomed over them earlier. She asked him questions about things that didn't matter; like what his favorite dish was, or the best Christmas gift he had ever received, and if he liked it when it snowed or not. He would think about each question, making sure that the answer was the very best answer; and that he wasn't forgetting anything.

His answers were that he would always _love_ New York style pizza, and even told her a story about a time he was on a mission in Jersey. He had gotten a sudden craving for pizza, and he traveled up to a place called Ray's and ordered two large pizzas to go. "That's how it worked," he mumbled and tapped his temple with his pointer finger. "The longer I was away from _them_ , my memories would slowly come back." He ended up eating them both that night, as if he couldn't t get enough of it.

He skipped the question about the Christmas gift, but gushed about loving sunny weather. His name might have been the Winter Soldier, but he confessed that he was dreadfully sick of snow and ice.

"I spent a lot of time in Siberia." He told her. "It's nothing but snow for miles."

An hour passed, and the two, and when it came time for her to leave, she realized that she really did not want to. She had gotten lost in the conversation, and was blown away that he had shared so much with her. Especially the story about the pizza, because at the time he would have been under Hydra's control, and he never spoke about those times to anyone.

"Well, I hope you have a nice dinner." She told him. He reached around her to the wall and pressed the call button. The closeness made her breath hitch, and it didn't go unnoticed by the man, who took a firm step backwards to create some distance between them.

"So do I," he laughed in return.

The elevator doors slid open, and she stepped into its confines, leaving her arm in the sensor so that the doors wouldn't close just yet. "Um, Bucky?" His eyebrows lifted. "Why are you willing to talk to me, and not the other therapists who you've met?"

He shoved his hands in his pockets, and a small smile grew on his lips. "Because you're not a therapist. You're a high school guidance counselor."

She narrowed her eyes at him, and dropped her arm to her side. The door closed without either of them saying another word to the other. And as soon as Bucky was at least four floors above her, Annelise let herself smile at the thought of the brunette.

The elevator abruptly came to a stop on fifth floor and when the doors sprung open, the young woman rolled her eyes dramatically at the sight of her old, family friend, Tony. He faked surprise when he saw her, but had a knowing smile on his face. She wondered just how much he knew, and then she realized that this was Tony Stark; he had been listening the entire time.

"So what's the diagnosis?" He asked with that voice.

"I don't have one," she stated simply with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Oh, _come on!_ " He begged. "Manic depression? Schizophrenia? Alzheimer's? Just pure ol' assholedness?"

"No," she replied. The doors opened to reveal that they had reached the lobby. "He's just sad, Tony. Seventy years ago, he was supposed to die. He _did_ die, in a way. Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes died when he fell from that train. He wasn't a killer, he wasn't a ruthless assassin. He wanted to serve his country, and he died protecting it, only to be used as a weapon to destroy it." Tony rolled his eyes at her words. "He's human. There's nothing wrong with him."

"He won't talk to your doctors because he doesn't want to remember what he did. He doesn't want to say it out loud, because it makes it real all over again. He doesn't want anyone to hear about the things he's done, because he knows what they'll think of him. But none of that is compared to the way he thinks of himself." She continued.

"He told you all of that?" Tony asked.

"He didn't have to."

"So what's the treatment? What kind of drugs can we get him on in order for him to be more _happy?"_

"He doesn't need drugs, Stark." He was annoying her now. Talking about Bucky like he was a lunatic. "He needs something to get his mind off of it. He needs to have fun."

Tony exhaled sharply through his nostrils. "Fun? We are talking about the same person here, right? You want James Barnes to have fun? The man himself is the opposite of fun."

Annelise nodded her head and turned on her heel. The gears in her head were beginning to turn, as she stepped out of the tower and raised her arm in the air to hail a taxi. She sent a quick text to her new friend, Captain America, and asked if he would like to meet again- strictly for more insight on his best friend, of course. He was busy, so she resorted to a phone call, after learning that he had no idea what Skype or FaceTime was.

Her phone didn't ring until she was unlocking her apartment door. She was greeted with the smell of blueberry, and realized that she had accidentally left her wax burner on while she was gone.

"Hello?" She asked, already knowing who it was. She plopped down on the couch, nose crinkling at the slight smell that was coming from one of the pizza boxes. Before she resorted back into a state of laziness for the rest of the holiday break, she stood back up and started picking up after herself.

" _Annelise? It's Steve. Rogers."_ He said cordially. His voice sounded exactly the same over the phone lines.

"I know," she sighed. "I have your number saved in my phone." It was obvious he still wasn't that familiar with technology, which only made her wonder about Bucky.

He chuckled. " _Right, of course. You wanted to talk about Buck? How is he? I had to leave for Wakanda a few days ago, but I'll be back tomorrow. He hasn't done anything, has he?"_

"No! Of course not." She heard him let out a sigh of relief on the other end. "I've realized that I want him to get out more, and before you say anything, I know how that sounds. However, I think what he really needs is something to get his mind off of the pain, like something fun. Not a mission, or a workout routine, or a family movie night. He needs to do something that _he_ likes."

" _Hm, we used to go to Coney Island all the time back in the day. But I don't know how he would feel about it now. He likes to eat, a lot, and he will go on these really long drives sometimes. I don't know where he goes, but he'll be gone for hours."_

Annelise was chewing on the end of her ink pen as she jotted down some notes. "Anything else?"

" _I don't know,"_ Rogers replied. " _Whatever you're doing, though, I think it's working. So I hope you find something that he likes, because if anyone can do it, it's you."_ What was that supposed to mean?

She thanked him and hung up the phone, wishing him a safe trip tomorrow on the way home. Opening her laptop, she typed into the search bar 'fun things to do in NYC'. However, the search results were too vast, and felt too touristy. If she could type in, 'what to do when you've been brainwashed and need to learn to be your old self again', she would have. In fact, she did- just for shits and giggles.

Her next session with him was in a week. She had a week to figure out how she was going to get Bucky Barnes to trust her enough to go out with her.

* * *

 **this was all typed on an iPhone 6+ so if it sucks terribly, you know why. i know i might have missed some grammatical errors. i tried to go back and fix what i could find, but im not perfect.**

 **this chapter steers this story into a totally different direction than where i was originally going with this. expect another chapter today or tomorrow. i haven't been updating because i have been out dating people, and i honestly just woke up this morning and said 'fuck men, sebastian stan is my boyfriend and he's all i need'. the end. i don't know why i just told you that, but whatever. the more you know.**

 **musical inspiration:**

 **1\. steady - the staves**

 **2\. amazing eyes - good old war**

 **reviews are always lovely. they make me smile.**


	5. Remedy

**thank you SO much to NESSAANCALIME6913, gamerchic, and mangagirl653 for reviewing.**

 **you don't know it, but im giving you all a big, invisible hug right now!**

* * *

She couldn't resist her mother any longer. The woman had called over twenty-three times; left countless voicemails. Followed by her father, and even her brother, Daniel, chipped in to try and persuade his little sister into coming to the annual Beck-Widener Thanksgiving dinner party. A party that would only include every single living member of her family, her extended family from everywhere as far Dubai, and a giant portion of her father's lawyer friends and their families.

Annelise would know _maybe_ seven people there, and that included her parents and brother.

Everyone would know her, though! They'd pretend to be interested in her life, her dreams and aspirations, her love life. This would be the first time since breaking up with Sean that she had faced her family, and she wasn't at all excited about doing it alone. None of them knew what had happened, she didn't _want_ them to know. And she knew that Sean wouldn't open his mouth about it, because Manhattan's most eligible bachelor would never publicly admit to cheating on his girlfriend of four years with an eighteen year old gymnast. That would ruin his reputation as 'the perfect man'; the one who adopts puppies from shelters, and volunteers at the Boys and Girls club, and has a net worth of over 10 million dollars, and the looks of a young Brad Pitt- according to the internet. He was in an article for Cosmopolitan Magazine once, 'America's single (and rich) men'; two pages dedicated to interviews of the nation's hottest, richest, and douchiest men. This came just one month after the breakup.

She didn't miss the mansions, the luscious lifestyle of being rich in New York. She didn't miss the pressure to succeed, though she always felt it in the back of her mind. She didn't miss the feeling of not belonging. She didn't miss the judgment. She definitely didn't miss the spotlight, and the constant wondering if she was being followed, or watched, or if a terrible picture of her jogging in Central Park would turn up on some blog. Her brother was made for this lifestyle, and she never wanted anything to do with it.

The smell of fried food, and cakes, and pies swirled in her nostrils as soon as she stepped foot through the decorated, french doors of her parent's upscale home. There were a few eyes on her as she walked through the foyer; her heels clicking with each step she took across the marble flooring. A member of the catering crew was instantly at her side with a glass of champagne which she took with a 'thank you', and downed it just as fast. One glass wouldn't be enough to get her through this evening, however. Maybe four whole bottles, and that was if she didn't eat anything.

Her mother was in the kitchen; pretending as if she had slaved away her entire day making dinner. She hadn't, because her mother hadn't cooked a single meal in all her life. The only meals she had ever eaten had been prepared by personal chefs, and this one was no exception. But Carol Beck had to keep up her appearance as the all-American housewife. And if that meant learning how to stuff a turkey so that her guests believed she had cooked the entire meal, then that is what she would have to do.

Her bright, hazel eyes lit up as soon as her daughter stepped into the room. "Oh my stars!" Her mother exclaimed. Somehow she had adopted a very Southern accent, all of the sudden. "Is that my beautiful daughter, Annelise?" Within an instant, Carol Beck had her arms wrapped tightly around the shoulders of her daughter.

"Hey, mom." Annelise breathed out. She wondered if her mother actually missed her, or if this was all for show because there were about a hundred people surrounding them.

"Wait til I find your father! He's going to be so excited that you're here!"

Carol pulled the apron from around her neck and hung it on the hook by the pantry door. She grabbed her daughter by the arm and pulled her through the crowd of people, introducing her to a few new faces, happily exclaiming that _this_ was the daughter she had told them all about. When they stepped into the den- where the football game was playing for all the guys of the party, and there was an open bar- that was when she saw him.

Not her father. He was there, too. But no, that wasn't the first person she noticed in the sea of suit-wearing lawyers and CEOs. One man stood out among the rest, and not only because he was six foot seven; he stood out because he shouldn't have been there in the first place. It didn't take very long at all, after her father had yelled her name out upon seeing her, for Sean's eyes to find her. He had a bottle of some craft beer in his hand, and gave her a dimpled smile. One that would make any woman weak at the knees. But Annelise turned her attention to her father instead, giving him a wave. Ignoring the sudden urge to vomit.

"What is Sean doing here?" She asked her mother.

"I invited him!" Her mother exclaimed. Annelise stopped dead in her tracks, surprising her mother, who stopped shortly after to turn and face her. "Annie, what's the matter, honey? This will be the perfect time for you two to talk and work things out! You two were meant to be together! Everyone thought that you were going to get married!" Annelise scoffed and crossed her arms. "Come on, if you don't want to talk to him, you don't have to."

She didn't want to talk to him. In fact, she never wanted to see his face again after she walked into their Upper East Side loft and found him fucking Maritza Collins on their kitchen counters. It was a image she would never scrub from her mind, and she regrettably thought about it often. What did USA's gold medalist have that she didn't? Besides her impeccable flexibility and perky, beautiful tits. He swore up and down that it would never happen again, and apologized at least a thousand times, left her hundreds of drunken voicemails over the last few months. None of it would mend the jagged crack in her heart, though.

"There's my baby girl!" Her father beamed. "How's my little sunflower, huh? You too good to call your old man every now and again?" He pulled her into a tight hug.

"I've been busy, dad." She told him. _Lie number one_ , she thought to herself. Immediately her inner selves began having a war with one another. She was busy. But not busy enough to ignore her family the way she had been doing. There was a reason for it, of course. Her father had no room to talk; only calling her on behalf of her mother, and usually only when he wanted something.

"Busy scheduling college interviews for high schoolers? That's hardly work, honey." And there it was. Her father's incessant need to undermine everything she did. It was all coming back to her now. Actually, it had never left.

Daniel wasn't standing too far off, and she widened her eyes at him, signaling him to please come save her. He got the message, thankfully, and before too long her older brother was at her side. And by his side, was a very attractive brunette woman that she had never seen before. Annelise's eyes immediately scoped the giant, extremely extravagant engagement ring on the girl's finger. One that would probably pay her rent for a year or more.

"Who's this?" She asked her brother, skipping over the chit-chat about how it had been too long since she had last see him.

"Annie, I'd like you to meet your future sister-in-law, Bianca." Her brother was not the settling down type, so this all came to a surprise to her. The last she had heard about Daniel's love life was that he was still quite hung up on Natasha Romanoff. And she had never seen or heard about this Bianca woman before. "Bianca, this is my sister."

"It's so exciting to meet you!" The girl who was- of course- much younger than she was said excitedly. What was it with men and their infatuation with women who were at least ten years younger than themselves? "Danny has told me so much about you!"

"I'm sure it was all terrible, _Danny_ , can I talk to you for a moment?" She pulled her brother by the arm to an empty corner of the room. Too many pairs of eyes were following them. "What in the world are you doing? Who even is that? How old is she? You hate being called Danny! How long have you even been dating?"

"A few months." He replied with a shrug as if it was not at all a problem that he was engaged to this woman within a few months of dating her. "I really like her, Annie."

Her face fell, and she almost had to keep herself from smacking him. "Daniel Ryan Beck, I'm sorry, do you forget who you're talking to? I mean, we _did_ share a womb together. I know you better than you know yourself, and you can't even look me in the eye and tell me you 'really like' this woman, much less that you love her."

"You're invited to the wedding." He said, ignoring everything she had just said. "It's going to be in the spring. Up at the old farm, where we used to go in the summer when mom and dad were away on their private vacations."

"I can't believe you're actually going to go through with this." She told him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He was her twin brother after all, and no matter what, she would still be there to help him pick up the pieces when this all went horribly wrong. "I can't believe you're getting married. I mean, it's going to end in a divorce, but still."

"I've missed you, Annie." He said with a smile, and she only replied with a kiss to his cheek.

She sat next to her grandfather at the dining room table, spoon feeding him bites of corn pudding while he mumbled on about Vietnam. Annelise was the only one even the slightest bit interested in his stories; the rest of the crowd were too busy engaged in their own conversations. Across from her, much to her demise, was Sean Fuller- who kept his eyes on her the entire time, and she knew that she wouldn't be able to escape the night without having to speak to him at least once.

It felt like she was in a movie; one of those scenes where everything around her was going super fast, and she was in slow motion. The camera would zoom in on her expressionless face, letting the viewers know that their main character had no desire to be where she was. She turned her back on the debutante she could have been, the life she could have led, and she was still happy. No one understood that.

It was still early when she began to say her goodbyes to her family and the new people she had met. Her mother cried as they hugged goodbye, afraid that it'd be another five months before she saw her daughter again. If Annelise had her way, it'd be longer. Her father, still with his back-handed comments, made empty plans with her for brunch next Sunday. And Daniel, along with Bianca, promised her wedding invitation would be in her mailbox soon. She declined the offer to take home leftovers, and made her way back across the marble floors, through the foyer, and out on to the front porch.

The sun was just beginning to set over the skyline; orange and pink hues were painted across the sky, and chilly breeze danced through the air. She took a deep breath, to clear her mind of the smell of strong perfumes and colognes that had surrounded her for the last few hours. Instead, the thick smell of a Cuban cigar filled her nose as she began to make her way down the stairs; she knew the smell very well, and even the name of that exact brand. There was only one person that she knew who smoked them.

"Hello, beautiful." Her throat tightened at the sound of his voice. Her stomach moved, making her feel as if she would lose her dinner. Sean stood, leaning against the stone railing of the front stairs; hair slicked back, suit jacket unbuttoned, cigar in hand. It was as if he had stepped right out of that Cosmo photo shoot.

"What do you want?" She asked him bluntly. The smirk he gave her would have been enough to charm the panties right off of some stupid, foolish girl. "I can't believe you'd even accept the invitation to come here tonight. Shouldn't you be enjoying the holidays with the Collins family?"

He laughed to himself, taking a step forward, which made her take a step backwards- leaving the distance between them. "You're still mad," he smiled. "That's good."

"Why is that good?" She asked, stupidly. There was no reason that she still should have been talking to him. She should have walked right past him and his cigar, his neatly pressed suit, and kept going.

"It means you're not over it, yet." He said cockily. "Not over me." Sean took another step closer towards her, but this time she stayed where she was. She remembered how the smell of the cologne he was wearing, mixed with the spicy smell of the cigar used to be intoxicating to her senses. "I miss you, Annie."

"Yeah, I've been hearing that a lot tonight." She told him. Her voice barely above a whisper. It must have been the amount of champagne coursing through her veins, because she suddenly had the urge to just cry. Even a part of her urged for her to take a step towards him and take him in her arms. "But you're wrong. I am 'over it', and I most certainly am over you. Don't flatter yourself and think that I would ever want to be with you after what you did to me." _Lie number two,_ her brain reminded her.

"Annie, don't." Sean cooed, taking one more step in her direction. "How many times do I have to tell you that I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it, okay? I was a fucking idiot."

She gasped sarcastically. "He tells the truth, for once!" Without another word, Annelise stepped around him and continued to one of the waiting taxi cabs on the street. He called out for her, but she didn't stop. She couldn't keep the salty tears from overflowing onto her cheeks, as she pulled the door open to the cab.

"Where would you like to go, ma'am?" The driver asked her when she slid into the back seat. She moved to wipe her face with the back of her hand and sniffled.

"Take me to the Stark tower, please." Her voice shook, and the pathetic sound only made her cry more. Black mascara smudges trailed over her fingertips as she continued to try and keep her tears at bay. She didn't want to cry, and she hated herself for it, but she loved him for four years; and maybe she wasn't over it, yet.

With a nod, the cab pulled from the curb and into the streets of New York. She closed her eyes, trying to remind herself of why she left him in the first place. In her mind, the images of walking into her and Sean's loft that one day, five months ago, played on a loop. The disgusting, pornographic sounds of Maritza Collins' moans echoing through the air, stepping around the corner into the kitchen, and seeing the man she thought she would spend the rest of her life with inside of another woman.

The cab driver stole glances at her every so often through the rearview mirror, but he didn't ask if she was okay. She didn't want to talk about it anyways, and instead, diverted her attention out the window at the bustling streets of lower Manhattan. The lights and people blurred as the drove, until everything came to a stop, and she looked up to see that they were in front of the famous skyscraper with a giant ' _A_ ' at the top. Before she climbed from the vehicle, she tipped the driver generously and thanked him.

She mumbled a 'happy Thanksgiving' to the woman at the front desk as she waited for the elevator. She didn't know why she was here, but something inside her told her that this was the only place she wanted to be. Here, there would be no cheating boyfriend, no facetious father, no ball gowns and prying eyes. There wouldn't be judgment, but hopefully there would be a handsome man with his hair in a small bun, and the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. With her eyes glued to the tiny box over the elevator doors, she waited patiently until she was on the twelfth floor.

It was obvious that dinner had been over for quite some time. On the table were finger foods that could withstand being left out for too long; crackers and cheese, veggie trays, desserts. The members of the Avengers that hadn't already departed were seated on those familiar leather couches, with a game of Sorry sitting on the table in between them. It was between Steve and Wanda Maximoff who seemed to be on one team, and Natasha and Clint Barton who were also working together. Bucky, Sam Wilson, and Tony were relaxing; and Maria Hill was dozed off on Tony's shoulder, most likely having consumed too many cold ones.

As she approached, she wondered if she would be intruding; but then her eyes connected with those beautiful, big blue orbs that she had become so familiar with, and every bit of doubt suddenly washed away. Bucky gave her a close lipped smile, and his eyes lit with surprise. She could feel a blush creeping to her cheeks as she gave everyone a small wave.

"Uh oh! The party police is here, guys!" Tony said, which caused Maria to shake from her nap. "If you've come to steal Barnes away from us, I'm sorry but I can't allow it! He's having fun! Look, he's actually smiling!"

Bucky tried to hide the smile and blush on his features, but he failed. Annelise only smiled and took a seat on the couch behind Steve who was on the floor with the rest of the Sorry players. "I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd stop by. I'm not here to steal anyone away!"

Sam jumped from the couch, "I'm going to grab another beer. Would you like one?" He asked her. She nodded politely. "How about you, Buck-o? You sure you don't want one?" The Falcon asked with his head stuck in the refrigerator.

Annelise glanced over to the man in question. Bucky held his hands up in protest. "I don't drink, man." His answer took her by surprise, and she made a mental note to ask him why. She also crossed 'take him to a bar & get him totally fucked up' from her list of fun things to do. Not that she really would have done that.

Not long after she arrived, Tony decided to carry Maria to a more comfortable place for her to sleep off her intoxication. He didn't return, either. Clint and Natasha both decided to leave not long after Tony, with Clint saying that he needed to get back home. Sam quickly took their spot in the game of Sorry, and after much persuasion, Annelise joined Team Falcon against Team Captain-Maximoff who were losing desperately after Wanda promised Sam she would not use her powers in her favor.

Every so often, she could hear Bucky behind her letting out soft laughs at the profanities that were being thrown at the other team members. She became all too aware that he was still there, and that he had stayed even after she arrived. Wanda whispered something to her teammate, and suddenly Sam was yelping in pain, accusing his friend of kicking him under the table.

"Uh," Steve coughed. "You know I just forgot that the three of us have to leave early in the morning for that mission. We should probably be heading to bed soon." Steve held his hand out to her and she took it with a smile, allowing him to kiss her knuckles. "It was nice seeing you again, Ms. Beck."

She said her goodbyes to the other Avengers and suddenly there was only one other person left in the room. Soft music played overhead and she leaned back on the couch, closing her eyes as she hummed along to the tunes. The couch shifted, and she opened her eyes to see Bucky taking soft steps to sit across from her on the floor.

"How do you play this?" He asked her, and she giggled at the question; shoving the small sheet of directions towards him. He rolled his eyes and scanned the words. "You know, I was hoping you would come."

She furrowed her eyebrows and took a swig of her beer. "I'm sorry it took me so long to get here." She laughed, but Bucky only squinted his eyes as he looked up at her from the paper. "I was spending some time with my _loving_ family." Her words fell from her mouth much more sarcastically than she had meant for them too, and she hoped that he wouldn't ask about it.

Annelise avoided his stare, deciding instead to pick at a loose thread on Tony's plush rug. "It doesn't sound like you had much fun." He commented. "Wanna talk about it?"

She laughed genuinely. "What are you, my therapist?"

Bucky smirked, and she could have sworn she felt her heart literally leap out of her chest at the sight. "I'm not a therapist, doll. I'm just a guy who would like to know more about you." His words were smooth for someone who had been alive for nearly a hundred years. And the use of the word 'doll' had her chest tightening.

She drew in a long breath and let it out quickly; feeling the alcohol bubbling under her skin, now more than ever. _Please don't say anything stupid to him_ , she pleaded with herself. "I highly doubt you actually mean that," she replied. "My family life is not at all interesting."

Bucky's brows shot upwards in surprise. "Everything about you is interesting."

She almost choked on her drink. _Did he really just say that_ , she asked herself; for once all of the little voices in her head had been silenced. "Please," she stated as she tried to hide her rosy red cheeks. "I'd put you to sleep with the story of my life."

"Try me." He challenged.

Her eyes glanced to the clock on the wall. It was getting late, and if she was given the opportunity to begin a tangent about her life, she'd be here for hours. "Tell you what," the metaphorical light bulb sparked above her head. "I'll tell you all about my life if you agree to meet me for coffee for our next session."

"Is that your way of asking a guy on a date?" If her face wasn't already as red as a tomato from being bold enough to even ask him that in the first place, it most certainly was now. The way his eyes studied her let her know that she was being completely transparent.

"W-what? No!" The words found themselves stuck in her throat. There was no way for her to save herself, here. "Y-you're my patient, Barnes." She told him. "This is not a date, it's just changing the setting." She stood to her feet, and stumbled a bit. Bucky reached to help her, but she steadied herself, and his hands fell to his sides.

"Are you going to be okay?" He asked her as he walked with her to the elevator.

"Yes, thank you." She wanted to kick herself in the face repeatedly, but she'd be fine. "I'll let Tony know where to meet on Tuesday." _Where in the hell is that elevator_ , she thought.

"For our date?"

The doors slid open, and she sighed in relief as she stepped aboard. "Not a date." She reminded him. "Just changing the setting." She pressed the 'door close' button repeatedly, giving Bucky a sheepish smile before they finally came together and the car began to drop towards the lobby.

 _Lie number three,_ she told herself.

* * *

 **you ever get second-hand embarrassment from a character who isn't even real? that was me the entire time i was writing this crap! so, does anyone have any predictions? i love predictions...**

 **musical inspiration:**

 **1\. everybody eats when they come to my house - cab calloway**

 **2\. remedy - adele**

 **3\. slow dancing in a burning room - john mayer**

 **you know i love the reviews! i hold them near and dear to my heart!**


	6. Ex's

**can't believe you guys!**

 **thank you to all the reviewers; gamerchic, NESSAANCALIME6913, valoankea, inperfection, skinkypi, and AilynAlonso. I cannot even begin to describe the love i have for all of you AND the people who followed and clicked the 'favorite button'.**

* * *

The end of Thanksgiving break came with 7:00 Monday morning.

Annelise found herself maneuvering through the crowded hallways of the high school, making her way through a sea of uniformed teenagers. She garnered some waves and head nods from the ones that she knew, but mostly, she was invisible among them. They were too wrapped up in their cell phones, in each other's mouths, and whatever gossip they missed out on over the break.

When she rounded the corner into the guidance office, she immediately noticed the stares that her fellow counselors were giving her. Looking down at her blouse, she wondered if she had made a mess of her breakfast, or if there was a remnant of her cherry-filled croissant on her face. That would have been embarrassing, they already thought she was a joke.

"What is it, Janice?" She asked with a bite as she signed her name into the time book. Janice wasn't her enemy but she lingered nearby like she was waiting to say something- and she wasn't in the mood to be social this morning. Annelise turned to the plump woman, taking in her brightly colored outfit and realized that she had forgotten today was 'wacky-tacky-staff-day'. Janice was wearing a fluorescent pink shirt, and green jeans. Around her neck was a scarf with tiny, little kittens printed all over it- each one with a different colored ball of yarn between its paws. And in her ears were a pair of multicolored, dangling earrings. It was definitely wacky, and even more so, tacky.

"A package arrived for you this morning." Janice replied while Annelise threw her paper bagged lunch into the refrigerator. "I put it on your desk."

"Thank you, Jan." She dismissed the receptionist with a glare as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

The colorful woman disappeared back to the front of the guidance office leaving Annelise in the tiny kitchenette by herself. The weeks leading up to the next holiday break would be hell. At work, she gave advice to students who were struggling with prepping for exams. At school, she was struggling with prepping for her own exams. The ends of semesters were never fun, but it signified that she was halfway through the year, and that much closer to her three month break come June. She and Rich already had plans for Amsterdam.

When she stepped into her office, there was a giant bouquet of sunflowers and roses sitting atop her desk. They emitted a floral smell into the tiny room, and they certainly took her by surprise. She closed the door behind her, not giving a thought to the prying eyes in the hallway, and pulled the little card from its envelop. Etched in black ink were four words; _see you soon, beautiful._ Her breath caught in her throat as her fingertips smoothed over the words. The sender could have only been one person. A person that she would have never expected to send her flowers the day before they were to be going out for coffee. It wasn't even a date. She said it twice.

But her heart skipped a beat. _He actually sent me flowers_ , she thought as she pulled a budding rose from the brown wrapping paper and brought it to her nose. The smell brought a smile to her face that she couldn't shake for the next few hours. Every so often she would sneak a peek at the giant bouquet by the window and her smile would only grow wider; making it that much harder to concentrate on her work. She constantly found herself asking the students to repeat themselves. "Which college did you want to go to again?" She would ask them after they had said it at least six times.

All she could think about was Bucky.

She envisioned them dancing on a giant rose petal; she'd be wearing an extravagant, beautiful evening gown- with white satin gloves that came up to her elbows. His hair would be slicked back, giant eyes shining in the twinkling lights that would surround them. Swing music would play. A slow, heartfelt song about falling in love in New York. She didn't even know how to dance, but in her little daydream, she was the best damn dancer in the whole world.

Her phone vibrated loudly on the flat, wooden surface on her desk. Immediately, she was plucked from her fantasies. And _of course_ it would be Tony's name flashing on the little screen. "This better be important." She scolded as she pressed the tiny green button. "I'm extremely busy." She twirled that one, single rose in her fingers as she leaned all the way back in her chair.

 _"You've got to give me props here, Annie-Bananie."_ Her mouth turned downwards at the pet name. She could hear the smile in Tony's voice. _"I knew the outfit would work, and now look- you're going on date with your little crush."_ Her cheeks exploded with warmth.

"I-I do not have a crush on Bucky Barnes!" She exclaimed, trying to sound as convincing as possible. In reality her cheeks had grown warn to touch, and she half his her face as if Tony would actually be able to see her. Judging by Tony's chuckle on the other end of the line, he wasn't buying it. "And this isn't a date! I made sure to reiterate that before I left. I don't want him getting the wrong idea. He's a nice guy, and I really don't want to hurt him, and this is my job, and he's my patient, and that is extremely unprofessional."

 _"Uh-huh, sure."_ Tony replied curtly. _"Well he's going to come pick you up from your place tomorrow at seven, so be prepared."_

"You gave him my address?" She panicked. Her apartment was a mess, and the last thing she had time to do before their date- therapy session- was clean. She had a ten page thesis due tomorrow on the contribution of expectations, attention, and emotional states to the perception of pain. She was only six pages in, currently, and her clouded thoughts about a certain ex-assassin wasn't helping her concentrate.

 _"He's old fashioned."_ He said simply. _"Don't be surprised if he wants to go dancing and pays for everything. With my money, I might add."_

Annelise rolled her eyes and promptly ended the conversation. Tony's words rang through her head; ' _don't be surprised if he wants to go dancing'_. What if he did want to go dancing? What if he casually asked, 'hey want to go dancing with me'? Should she wear something that she could dance in _just in case_ they do go dancing? Come to think of it, does she even own anything that she could dance in? She sat the rose down- the one that she had smelled all of the smell out of- and wheeled herself back away from her desk.

 _Just breathe_ , she thought.

She had two classes on Mondays, both of which she was doing fairly well in. Both of which had exams as early as the middle of next week. She wasn't prepared, and it terrified her, because she had never become so behind in her coursework. It was difficult to pay attention to a boring lecture, spoken by a professor with the most monotone voice she had ever heard in her life, when all she could think about was his face.

And his voice.

And even his hair.

Her phone vibrated in her lap right as her professor flipped over to a slide about Piaget's theory. She glanced down to see a text from Rich, asking if she still wanted to meet up for dinner after her classes were over. She hadn't seen her best friend since he left for his vacation to Michigan. She quickly replied with a 'yes' and an upside-down, smiley face emoji; and diverted her attention back to the screen to continue taking notes.

It was late after her last class. New York was lit up with the lights of office buildings that were still occupied by people working late, and the lights of apartment buildings that were occupied by the people who were waiting for them. She and Rich had decided on tacos, and she couldn't contain her excitement to see him after a whole week. When she rounded the corner to taco shop, she could see him sitting in the usual booth by the window.

"Oh, I missed you so much!" She exclaimed as she pulled him from his seat and hugged him tightly. The bouquet of flowers were squeezed between the two of them. "It's been so lonely without you!"

Her friend looked down at the flowers with a puzzled expression. "You missed me so much you bought me flowers?" He asked, giving her a bright smile.

"No," she replied with a blush. "Someone sent these to the school today. Found them on my desk when I walked in."

"Who are they from?" He asked, and then told the waiter he wanted an iced coffee. Annelise ordered the same thing.

"They could only be from one person." She told him, glancing over the menu. "Bucky."

Rich's mouth formed an 'oh' before diverting his attention back to the menu. "So things are getting pretty serious if he's sending you flowers."

She shrugged and began to tell him about everything that had happened; the dinner, her brother getting married, seeing Sean again, and everything about Bucky. Rich was her go-to for advice, especially about men. He was the one who tipped her off about Sean's extra curricular activities on her kitchen counters when she came to him with the, 'Sean says he's at work, yet I drove by to surprise him with lunch and they told me he had called in for the day'. Or the, 'we never have sex anymore and I don't know why he's being so distant'.

And when their food came, the two friends stuffed their faces with taco after taco and talked about Rich's new girlfriend, Gabrielle, who Annelise _had_ to meet. The way he talked about her irritated his friend and made her smile at the same time; because no one had ever gushed about her like that. She couldn't help but be bitter; it seemed that everyone was better than she was. Everyone was prettier, skinnier, and most of all funnier. Bucky sent her flowers, but what did he really know about her? Nothing. That was precisely the reason for their 'not-a-date'.

Daniel and his wife-to-be made good on their promise, and the wedding invitation was in her mailbox as soon as she got home. It was on pastel pink paper, each letter handwritten in cursive; hearts dotted each 'i'.

 _Save the date!_

 _April 22, 2017_

When she gotup to her apartment, she put her bouquet in a vase and immediately buried her nose in her laptop, furiously typing away, trying to finish the last four pages of her essay. Cups of coffee- one after the other- didn't help, and she felt her eyes drooping as she stared at the blinking cursor. The words weren't coming to her, the lines of thought were left blank. Two pages left. That's all she needed. She clicked the television off, hoping she could focus harder without the sounds of the Golden Girls in the background.

Almost immediately, a knock came from the door.

Her eyebrows pulled together, and she checked the time once more just to make sure she read it correctly; it was close to four in the morning.

She closed her right eye and looked through the peephole with her left, and her breath hitched when she saw the visitor standing on the other side of the door. She watched his body lean against the door frame, and then he rapped his knuckles against the wood one more time. Absentmindedly, her hand moved up to the chain lock, pulling it to the side so that she could open the door. Her hands shook as she gripped the door handle, turning it slightly, but just enough so that it cracked open.

Sean put his hand on the door, pushing it open against her will with all of his weight. "Annie, let me in." He whined. She tried to fight him, but he was stronger than she was. And he was drunk. She could smell the whiskey on his breath, making her lips pull downward in a disgusted frown. He stumbled in past her; boots dragging across her wooden floors- leaving scuff marks in the wake.

"You need to leave," she told him. Her arms crossed over her chest as she stood by the door, refusing to close it until he left. Seeing him two times in less than a week was unacceptable. The draft from the hallway sent a chill up her spine, and she realized that she was inadequately dressed; big t-shirt, boy shorts. Hardly the way one would want to be dressed when their drunken ex paid a surprise visit.

He didn't answer her, only moved deeper into her apartment.

"How'd you even know where I live?" She asked him. Despite living in downtown Manhattan, she tried her hardest to keep her address out of the public record. After she moved out of the loft they had shared together, she wanted to avoid ever having to see him again. Her loft wasn't fancy, and this wasn't the kind of neighborhood a guy like Sean Fuller would be caught dead in.

His eyes moved around her tiny home, stopping on a picture frame that used to hold a very happy picture of the two of them. Now it held a picture of her and Rich. He picked up the frame, and her heart beat a little faster, but he just looked at it with a frown. Then he turned to her new bouquet of flowers. "I see you got my flowers?" He asked her, turning to face her now. A devilish smile spread across his features.

Her stomach dropped to her feet. "You sent those?" She asked. How could she have been so stupid? Of course he sent them. Bucky would never send her flowers. And if he had, how would he know that sunflowers and red roses were her favorite. _How could I have been so stupid_ , she scolded herself.

"Of course I did, baby." He cooed. "Who else would have sent them? Is there someone I need to be worried about? Has my little Annie found a new man?" She shook her head reluctantly; she thought maybe there was someone new, but she was only fooling herself. He took a step forward, and reached his hand out to her once he saw the tears that were running down her cheeks. "I needed you to know how much I miss you. I still haven't forgotten your favorite flowers!" He said it like it was an accomplishment that he still remembered after they dated for four years.

"You're drunk," she told him.

"I'm not drunk." Yet his words slurred together like he had forgotten what syllables were. "Come on, baby." He whined. "I miss you. I love you. I need you, Annie, baby. Please, let me stay?" He looked down at her outfit with a smirk, and thumbed the hem of her oversized shirt. "You're all ready for me, sexy."

"No."

Sean ran his hands over her upper arms and tried closing the gap between the two of them, but she pushed him backwards. He stumbled over the edge of her living room table and was unable to gain his footing, sending him falling backwards into her entertainment center. The television was saved, but the picture frames, little trinkets, and candles fell to the ground; leaving shattered glass scattered on the floor. He groaned, holding a hand to his back, slurring expletives at her.

"You fucking bitch," he yelled as he rolled over on his knees. She dived for her cellphone, but Sean grabbed her waistline, leaving her kicking and hitting him where she could and forced her down to the couch. "I said I'm fucking sorry!"

Sean fumbled with the buttons on his jeans, while trying to hold her arms over her head. She was able to get one hand away though, grabbing the closest thing she could find and swung it at his face; the television remote. Annelise heard a significant _crack_ but wasn't sure if it was his nose or if the remote broke. Sean cursed, pulling away from her and stumbling backwards.

"God dammit, you fucking cunt!" He held his nose, pulling his hand away only to survey the blood that had run out. He let out an infuriated growl and then grabbed the vase of flowers he had bought her and hurled them to the wall. "I thought you'd be fucking easy!" He was still yelling. He picked up the picture of her and Rich and threw it as hard as he could to the floor. "I thought you'd fucking come back!"

Annelise prayed that the sounds of the struggle would wake her neighbors and someone would either come to her rescue or call the cops. She had never seen Sean like this, and was afraid of what he would do to her as he began stalking towards her once more; licking the blood from his top lip. "Sean," she cried. "You need to go."

"I was the best thing that ever happened to you." He reminded her. "You lost it all when you left me."

Suddenly, she heard footsteps running up the stairs and before she knew it, her downstairs neighbor was in her doorway. "Is everything okay here?" He asked.

Annelise looked at Sean, silently asking him if he was done. His nose was broken, blood still trickling onto his chin and shirt. "We're fine," he told the neighbor. She knew it was to save face, keep from causing a scene. Sean couldn't handle being arrested, even though it was what he deserved. But she was giving him a chance to leave, and he was taking it. "I was just leaving."

With that, he stumbled out of her apartment and down the stairs. Annelise was trying her hardest not to burst into tears in front of her neighbor, but was struggling. She had only ever seen him at the mailbox, or in passing as she walked out the front door. He was younger, long blonde hair, taller than her by a foot. And he had come to her rescue, baseball bat in hand.

"Are you okay?" He asked one more time.

"Yes, thank you." She told him. "I'll be fine. I just-" she looked around her apartment; broken glass, shattered picture frames, water and flowers everywhere. He asked her if she wanted to call the cops, but she only shook her head; placing it in her hands and allowing herself to cry.

Her neighbor left, letting her know for a third time that he was just down stairs if she needed anything. She really needed to catch a fucking break, but that didn't look like it would be happening any time soon, and she doubted her early-twenty-something-year-old neighbor could help her with that. She really needed someone to talk to, but she didn't want to wake Rich; even though if someone was going to answer the phone at this hour, it'd be him.

Instead she just cried; curling up on her couch with her blanket, and letting sleep give her the peace that she desired.

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 **yall better look forward to the next chapter! im gonna make up for the lack of bucky... i know this chapter kind of sucks, but i really needed it to make future plot points make sense. so, yeah. im also sorry that it took me so long to update. i promise the next one will come very much faster.**

 **musical inspiration:**

 **1\. angela - the lumineers**

 **2\. you should know where i'm coming from - banks**

 **reviews to me are like coffee is to annelise ;)**


	7. Not A Date

**surprise! an update! hope you love it!**

 **listen, you guys are honestly the best! i was expecting to get maybe two reviews on that last chapter, and you guys killed me with the reviews. i love you all so much! so i had to thank you in some way, so i gave you this new chapter so quickly. thank you so much: AilynAlonso, inperfection, lourdes1694, Wild Birdie, Miss Scarlet Darkness, Lara Barnes, Dame DePique, and MusicAngel98!**

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She didn't even bother going to work the next day. Her boss wasn't thrilled, but as soon as he heard the term, 'family emergency' along with her shaky voice, he was sold. "I hope everything is okay," he told her as if he actually cared. Everything wasn't okay, though, and probably wouldn't be for a while.

Her apartment was still in shambles. Annelise didn't bother at all to clean up Sean's mess last night. She took two steps out of her bedroom door and howled in pain, holding her foot up off the ground as she hopped over to the couch. A tiny shred of glass was sticking out of her big toe. It shouldn't have been painful enough to make her cry, but tears spilled from her eyes to her cheeks as she pulled it out. Her face was oily from having cried herself to sleep last night, her eyes were red and puffy; almost as if they would pop out of her own head at any moment. She cursed herself at how pathetic she looked- at how easily Sean could manipulate her into feeling this way.

It was almost noon by the time she was completely done cleaning. Her trash can was filled with broken glass and a waste of flowers. She'd never keep them now. She didn't need the reminder of last night. The way he touched her. The way he forced her down. She shuddered and frowned; feeling disgusted at herself and her body. So she cried again, only this time she leaned against the shower wall and let the water metaphorically _cleanse_ her. It helped, but not in the way that she thought it would. When she closed her eyes, she still saw his face, just like she did five months ago.

The day off from work gave her the time she needed to finish her essay. It didn't come easy, and the last two pages were obviously forced; and would most definitely show on her final grade. But it was due in less than three hours, and she was never one to turn in an assignment late, no matter how badly it was written. She wasn't an English major, and she was thankful for a professor who clearly stated that things 'didn't have to be perfect, as long as the point was clear'. She couldn't get by like that in any other class.

Rich came over after he had gotten off from work. Annelise had just gotten finished with a session of Wii Yoga, and was rolling her mat up when he walked through the door. She had yet to tell him about Sean. Rich wasn't a big guy, and he had never been in a fight- not that Sean had, either- but her ex-boyfriend could hire someone to kick her best friend's ass for him. He had the money. What could Rich say that she hadn't already heard before? What could he do? Nothing. She wasn't petty enough to call the cops on Sean, she wasn't the type to seek revenge… A restraining order would do what? He'd post bail in a matter of seconds, and then hire a hit-man to kill her for getting him locked up. She'd already thought it all through.

"Where's our picture?" Rich asked from the couch. His feet were propped up on the coffee table and he had a latte in his hand. "Did you do some rearranging?"

She sighed as she stuffed her yoga mat into the hall closet. "I bumped into the entertainment center and some things got knocked off and broke." Her best friend's eyes squinted and moved to the left then up to her, a tell-tale sign that he didn't believe her. "It was dark and I had to pee in the middle of the night." She added for emphasis.

He slowly nodded his head, accepting the lie and dropping it. She'd tell him on her own time. "What are you going to wear tonight?" He asked. Rich would never admit it, but being the deciding factor on her outfit was the sole purpose for coming over, he knew the girl needed someone with a lick of fashion sense; however small that lick may have been, it was still more than she had.

"Tonight?" As far as she knew, she had no plans.

"Your 'it's not a date but it totally is because I'm hopelessly in love with him so I needed an excuse to ask him out' therapy session." He replied, air-quoting each syllable.

"Shit," she mumbled under her breath.

"It's not like you to forget about something like that, and you called out from work, and you're skipping class," Rich knew he was on to something. "What is going on with you?"

Annelise disappeared into her bathroom, pulling out her curling iron from the cupboard beneath the sink. She turned it on and left it on the counter to heat up. "It's nothing," she said as she passed him on the way to her room. "I literally have nothing to wear."

Panicking was the last thing she needed. She had completely forgotten about Bucky, despite daydreaming about it for a whole week. She was looking forward to seeing him, but now her heart was beating a mile a minute and her hands had begun to shake. She hadn't done laundry, and all of her good clothes were in that giant, wrinkly pile in the corner of her room. Her eyes flicked over to the clock; she didn't have enough time to throw a load into the washer, because that included having to find two whole dollars in quarters that she didn't have, and there wasn't an express option on the outdated machines in the basement.

Rich joined her at her side, also staring into her closet. "Well, it's December so that narrows it down a lot." He began moving clothes, wondering how she continued to get by without organization. "The sad thing is that sundresses and summery blouses take up most of your wardrobe. Do you not own anything for winter? You live in New York for Christ's sake."

She flopped down on her bed face first, ashamed at herself. "I'll just cancel." Her words were muffled by the mattress. "Reschedule for tomorrow so I have time to do laundry." Rich was still moving around her clothes, she could hear the God-awful sound of coathangers scraping against the metal bar.

"There will be no rescheduling."

"What if he wants to go dancing?"

"Dancing?"

"He's old-fashioned" She replied, throwing up some air quotes of her own. Cancelling definitely sounded like the better option at this point. Her bed was starting to feel extra comfortable, and a night in with Netflix and her best friend seemed like a great time. She pulled her phone out from her back pocket and began searching for Tony's name in her contact list.

That was of course until Rich jumped on the bed and pulled her phone out of her hand. She gaped at him. "There will be no rescheduling." He told her matter-of-factly, clicking her phone off and putting it in his own back pocket. "Wear this." In his hands were a pair of jeans that were just a little _too_ form fitting, and a thin sweater. "And that leather jacket you _never_ wear."

"I never wear it because it makes me look like an 80's groupie." Besides, it was too tight around the arms and she found it difficult to move in, but she pulled it off of the coat rack and threw it on her bed; seeing all the pieces together made her wonder why she had never chosen that exact combination before.

A knock came from the door about fifteen minutes to seven.

Annelise's eyes grew wide as she looked at her best friend through the bathroom mirror. He was standing in the doorway to the bathroom while she did her make up. She wasn't ready yet, and once again she began to panic. Bucky knocked again, and each time his knuckles hit the wood of the door, she became that much more nervous.

"He's here." She mouthed, trying her hardest to keep her hands from shaking as she filled in her eyebrows; hoping not to draw a line going up her forehead. "Oh my God, he's here."

Rich just shrugged and went to open the door. She could hear him greet Bucky, letting him know that she was still getting ready, and that he could come in and wait. Rich came back to the bathroom after ten minutes of what Annelise was sure was awkward silence between the two men. When he knocked on the door and peeked inside, he saw his best friend sitting on the edge of the bathtub with her head in her hands; freshly curled hair falling around her face.

"Annie, what are you doing?" He asked her in a hushed tone so that Bucky wouldn't hear.

"I can't go out there!" She replied.

"You can, and you will. You look fantastic. Now go out there and do your job." Rich replied. He pulled her up from her seat and gave her the push she needed out the door.

Bucky was sat on the couch when she turned the corner. He was wearing a black jacket, with what appeared to be a grey t-shirt underneath and a pair of dark jeans. His smile grew when he saw her, and immediately she wanted to turn back for the bathroom and cry at how handsome he was. He immediately stood up, and she didn't know what else to do other than offer her hand to him for a handshake? _What are you doing_ , she scolded. And she mentally gave herself a facepalm.

When he reached forward to shake her hand, his hair fell into his face, and it looked so clean and soft that she wanted to whine at the sight of it. "Uh, Bucky, t-this is my friend Rich." She said, again, like an idiot, because the two had already met. "Rich this is my Bucky." Rich pulled his lips between his teeth to keep himself from laughing while she realized what she had just said. "My _patient_ , Bucky." She added, hoping to save herself.

"We've already met." Rich told her with a smile.

Bucky also nodded.

"Right!" She wanted to jump out of her window, but instead she gave the two men a smile. "Well, just let me grab my jacket and scarf, and we can get going!" Annelise quickly grabbed her jacket, and wrapped her scarf around her neck before joining Bucky at his side once more. "I'll text you," she told Rich.

He nodded at her before extending his hand out to Bucky. "Nice to meet you, man."

"Likewise," Bucky replied.

She felt the chill in the air as soon as she opened her front door. Bucky was following close behind her, clicking the door shut as he stepped out of her apartment. "There's the little place down the street, I figured we could go there." Her breaths were heavy as she descended the stairs, "we don't need a cab. It's within walking distance."

"Sounds good," He told her.

The streets were lined with Christmas lights; the city was preparing for the next holiday. Each boutique was filled with giant present displays and big, fake Santa statues. Many Manhattaners arms were filled with shopping bags as they got the items on their loved one's lists. Annelise had yet to do any shopping of her own, and despite mentally making a promise that she wouldn't, she knew that she would wait until Christmas Eve to pick up the gifts her family asked for. Her mother had already told her she wanted a $700.00 Michael Kors handbag, and she had plans with Daniel to go halfsies on it.

All her dad wanted was 'to spend time with his daughter', so she promised to take him to his favorite steakhouse; just the two of them. Plans that would most likely get swept under the rug.

She and Bucky made small talk on their way to the coffee shop. They talked mostly about Steve, and what Bucky would get him for Christmas. He was at a loss when it came to Captain America; the man who would be happy if you bought him a stick of gum. "He deserves so much," Bucky spoke of the star-spangled man. "But I don't know what to get him that he doesn't already have."

The two found a cozy corner in the back of the coffee shop. Bucky liked his coffee black, with three sugars. The temperature didn't seem to bother him, as he almost immediately sipped on his beverage just moments after it was made. Annelise had to continuously blow on her latte until she trusted it enough to dip her tongue into it; and even then it was still too hot. Tony was right, he did pay, even though Annelise had stated multiple times that she would at least pay for her own; they giggled and swatted each other's hands when they reached for their wallets. The woman behind the counter rolled her eyes, making a comment that the two of them were 'so cute, it was gross'.

"So," she began. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything," he replied.

She let out a low whistle and Bucky smiled. "Everything? Are you sure about this? I'm not even sure if this coffee shop will be open long enough for us to cover _everything_."

"Well, then we can go somewhere else."

He was really serious, and that scared her. The last time she had opened up to someone was- well, it was four years ago when she met Sean. And all he had ever done was use every tiny bit of information she gave him, against her. She had reservations, she didn't want to get hurt, but she did promise him that she would tell him all about her life; and she wasn't one to break promises, especially promises to very handsome men. And maybe that was her problem.

"Tell me about your family," he suggested after watching her internally battle with herself over what she should start with first. "You didn't seem like you were very happy with then the last time we saw each other."

"Mm, yeah, they're a handful." She told him and took a sip of her latte. "My dad is Tony's lawyer," Bucky's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "That's not his only celebrity client, either. And my mother was, at one time, one of the higher-ups in the political world. She recently retired to being a permanent housewife, but she's really terrible at it, and I think that says something about her. How does someone fail at being a housewife?"

The man across from her chuckled. "How does she fail at it?" He asked, momentarily stepping out of character to adopt her lingo. She paused for a moment, just to take him in; he was actually here- in public- with her and he was laughing at her gushing about her parents.

"I don't know!" She exclaimed. "When I was growing up, we had these five-star personal chefs who would fix our every meal. And it was all salads, and quinoa, and meatloaf without the meat." Bucky made a face and she laughed in return. "I understand being healthy, but they were very strict about it, and I was ten years old so all I wanted was chicken nuggets."

"I didn't taste my first Big Mac until I was sixteen." She continued. "Rich helped me sneak out and the first place we went as free, rebelling teenagers was McDonald's. Then I threw it up because I was afraid I would gain ten pounds and my mother would somehow find out."

He threw his head back in laughter, and seemed to be completely enamored with her, which eased her bones; allowing her to relax in her chair and not feel the need to impress him. She hadn't done anything special, and yet he was drawn in.

"But now that my mother is retired, she has apparently taken up cooking!" She continued. "And between you and I, she still has those five-star chefs cooking her meals. She just tells everyone it's her cooking. So, like I said... she's a terrible housewife." With another sip of her latte, she realized that she was leaving out a very important member of her family. "Don't even get me started on my brother, Daniel." She said with an overdramatic sigh. "This man is a student at Harvard Law, he graduated at the top of his class, was Valedictorian, and somehow he is just prone to making dumbass decision after dumbass decision. His most recent one, asking a girl to marry him after only knowing her for 'a few months'."

Bucky shrugged, showing signs of seriousness that changed the dynamic of the conversation that she was trying to keep on the lighter side. "Sometimes when you know, you just know." He was looking at her dead in the eye, which made a heat rise to her cheeks. "But I can understand why you're concerned. Is he older or younger than you?"

"Older," she answered. "By six minutes." Bucky nodded his head, motioning for her to continue. She swallowed a knot in her throat, hating that the conversation had shifted into the darker side of her childhood. "He's the golden child, I suppose. He followed in their footsteps and I went off the path. They had such high hopes for me, but I didn't deliver. I didn't go to the right school, I didn't make the right friends, I didn't choose the right career, I didn't date the right men." There should have been an asterisk by that last statement.

Bucky's head dropped to the side as he listened to her.

"I never felt like I belonged in that world." She told him. "Thanksgiving was the first time I had seen them in nearly half a year. The beginning of this year hadn't exactly been ideal, and seeing them just kind of made me realize how much of an outsider I really am."

There was a moment of silence between the two of them; she had run out of things to say without bringing up Sean, and he was busy ruminating over what she had just told him. She realized that her cup was empty, and went to order another, but Bucky placed a hand on her's stopping her in her tracks. "You wanna go for a walk?" He asked with a small grin.

"Sure," she squeaked.

He held his hand out for her, helping her from her chair. She stretched her arms over her head, not realizing how long the two of them had actually been sitting there. Her sweater lifted over the waste of her jeans, exposing her navel, and Bucky's eyes dropped downward, not wanting to be caught looking. She smirked to herself, remembering the last session they had.

They walked side by side down the busy streets; commenting on the things around them, talking about her childhood, things she liked to do in her free time. Bucky ended up dragging her to his favorite pizza place, exclaiming that it had been over a week since he had pizza, and that was entirely too long for him. He ordered two slices with pepperoni and onion, and she ordered a slice of the deluxe. Bucky had never had and olive, so she picked off all of the olive rings from her slice and tried to toss them into his mouth from the other side of the booth. When she finally made one, he made a disgusted face, but swallowed it bravely.

"That's the nastiest thing I've ever eaten in my life." He commented.

"Really?" She asked. "An olive is the nastiest thing you've eaten in one hundred years? I find that hard to believe."

He thought for a moment. "Actually, you're right. During the war they would make us eat these awful canned meats. Canned chicken, canned pork, canned beef-" He made a face at the memory which made her laugh. "They were way too salty and the consistency was like wet cat food, but sometimes you'd go days without a meal, so you had to eat it." She gave him an apologetic look. "That was definitely the nastiest thing I've ever eaten."

When the two stood up to leave, Annelise realized that Bucky had a tiny, rogue olive on his shoulder. "Wait, come here." She grabbed him by the hand and spun him around to face her as soon as they had exited the small pizza joint. "You have an olive-" she plucked the small fruit from his jacket and flicked it to the ground, all the while not breaking eye contact with the man.

His stare made her completely breathless. And was he getting closer? Why was she still holding his hand? Were his pupils dilating? A passerby accidentally bumped into the couple and mumbled an apology, but Annelise mentally thanked the woman. She pulled her hand from Bucky's and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and cleared her throat.

"I should probably get home," she told him.

"He slid his tongue across his bottom lip and sucked it in between his teeth. "Yeah," he sighed. "It is getting pretty late. Mind if I walk you back? I don't want you to get lost, or robbed, or-"

She smiled at him. "I'd like that, thanks."

When they reached her apartment door, Annelise turned to him and gave him one last smile. Their walk back had been filled with a comfortable silence, and she wondered the entire time what he had been thinking. Had the moment escaped them? Would they ever get another one? What if that was the sign that they just weren't meant to be? Not that she wanted to kiss Bucky Barnes on their first date- session- but she might want to kiss him eventually.

"Well," he muttered as she slid her key in the lock.

She half prayed that Rich wouldn't be sitting on the couch when she opened the door, but when she cracked it open, he was in fact there, watching Comedy Central. She pulled her door back shut, and turned to Bucky. "I had a really great time," she told him. "I'd invite you in, but Rich is currently on the couch and it'd be rude to-"

"It's okay," he chuckled. "We can always go out again."

"How about Saturday?" She asked quickly.

"Yeah," he was smiling wide now. "I'll see you then."

She gave him one last wave and smile before disappearing behind her door. The smile on her face couldn't be contained as she leaned against the door and sighed in content. But then she realized that Rich was sitting there, and he was staring at her with a mischievous grin, and her smile quickly ceased. She crossed the foyer to the living room and plopped down next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder.

"So, what happened?"

Immediately, she began spilling the details of her night.

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 **if i didn't end it there, this would have honestly been over 5,000 words. so i'm saving it for the next update! and just so you know, i have at least up to chapter fifteen planned out. and i have chapter ten written... and you guys are going to want to read chapter ten! so stick with me!**

 **wait a minute... are we just going to forget that she said 'my bucky'? I had that whole secondhand embarrassment thing going on again, and i'm the one writing this. my own character! 'my bucky'! omg.** **and yes, we can all agree that sean is literally the scum of the earth!**

 **musical inspiration:**

 **1\. dancing in the grey - micheal malarkey**

 **2\. waiting game - banks**

 **3\. it's beginning to look a lot like christmas - michael buble**

 **reviews! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧**


	8. Bucky

**i'm on a roll!**

 **thank you everyone for the reviews! like i said, you guys fuel me, so that's why the updates are pouring in. if i'm going too fast for you, let me know and i'll slow it down a bit. shout outs to: Zeppelin Skies, nimalim, MusicAngel98 (you are such a doll, seriously), Lara Barnes (chapter ten is going to be so great i'm so excited that you're excited), Guest, ONE-Fine-DAME, inperfection (he'll find out in due time).**

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"Okay, it's your turn. Tell me everything."

Saturday couldn't have come quick enough. She had looked forward to this moment for the past three days; picturing every detail of this day, imagining every scenario like she did so often, wondering exactly what he would say, how he would dress, and how the night would end. He had promised her that he would return the favor and open up to her about his past. She couldn't believe it; she finally got through to him, and a part of him trusted her enough to let her in.

So when she walked through the door of the familiar coffee shop, and Bucky was already waiting for her at the same table they had shared three days ago, her insides jolted in excitement. This was it. On a professional and personal level- this is what she had been waiting for.

She pulled her arms from her jacket and draped it over the back of the small, wooden chair. Bucky was smiling wide, and slid a cup of coffee across the table in her direction; mentioning that he took the liberty of ordering for her, and she was shocked that he remembered what she liked. She couldn't keep her eyes off of him; so relaxed in his denim jacket and white t-shirt, hair slicked back as best as he could, five o'clock shadow. The soft overhead lights made him look so warm and inviting, and she fought back the thoughts she had of wanting to sit on his lap.

But then he cleared his throat, snapping her from her trance. A tiny smirk graced his plump lips after having caught her staring, and then she asked him to start at the beginning. She wanted to know everything. Every tiny, little detail over the past ninety-nine years.

"Everything?" He asked. "You do know that I have a century's worth of information, right?"

She chuckled into her cup, bringing it to her lips to test the temperature. "I want to know all of it. Your family, what it was like living in the forties, the war, everything!" Bucky took a deep breath, and she could tell that he wasn't sure if maybe he had bitten off a little more than he could chew. "If you're not comfortable, you don't have to, obviously"

She may have felt slightly disappointed, but her hopes weren't high. One of the scenarios that she had gone over was that he might change his mind, that he wouldn't be ready. And she would have to accept that, because she'd never force him to do anything she didn't want him to do. Annelise knew that this would be hard for him, because she knew that reliving his past would be like asking him to walk through Hell and back; which, metaphorically he had already done.

"N-no, I want to." He told her honestly, erasing any doubt she might have had in him. "I've just- I've never- I don't even know what to say."

Instinctively, Annelise reached over the table and placed her hand on top of his. He looked up at her, blue eyes sparkling like the Christmas lights that lined the buildings of New York City. His lips were slightly parted, and his Adam's apple dropped as he swallowed a gulp of air. She pulled her hand back, realizing the shift of tension in the air and dropped her gaze to the wooden pattern of the table. If she didn't know that there was something _there_ \- between the two of them- before, she definitely knew now. And she had only been there for roughly five minutes, and already the oxygen felt tight, and she was having difficulty breathing, and all she wanted to do was deny it.

The feelings she had for him were wrong on so many levels.

When he opened his mouth to speak, she did everything she could to focus on the words his lips were forming as he began to tell her the story of his life. How he was born in a small town in Indiana, how his family moved a lot when he was kid, eventually settling down for good in Brooklyn; where he met Steve. He told her that he never imagined being friends with someone like Steve Rogers, but he had fight in him, and Bucky liked that about him- despite having to finish most of the fights that Steve started.

"This punk was trying to steal his lunch money," he recalled about the day he met his best friend. "And like an idiot, Steve told him that if he wanted his lunch money, he would have to take it from him fair and square. He wasn't going to back down, that's for damn sure."

He didn't shy away from the fact that he was indeed a ladies man and it was true that he liked to take them dancing. She didn't know that he had been a boxer, and that he had 'tried' to train Steve so that the two could enlist together. The story of the beginning of Bucky's life made her smile; the stories of Steve, the girls, the awful pickup lines he admitted to using. Even the stories of his time behind enemy lines, Bucky had made friends, he made the most of it, and he tried to have fun whenever he could.

Once he really began to ramble about his 'younger' years, time began to fly by. Before either one of them knew it, they were politely being told that the coffee shop would be closing soon. It was snowing that night, and much too cold for a walk around the city. Bucky hadn't even gotten to the part where he had been a prisoner of war, and she hoped that just because they were being forced to leave, didn't mean that she wouldn't get to hear that part of the story.

"I have an empty apartment." She casually hinted, desperate to hear more about his life. "And a very comfortable couch." He helped her into her jacket and she could hear him laugh through his nose. "Plus, I can make a better cup of coffee than they can." She mentioned, motioning to the girls behind the counter.

"You had me at 'empty apartment', doll." He replied with a smile.

The pet name turned her stomach into butterflies. Bucky stood on the curb, his hand in the air as he tried to hail a cab. She found herself staring once more, watching the tiny flecks of snow stick to his chestnut colored hair. A taxi pulled up to the curb not long after, and Bucky opened the door for her; he held his hand out and mumbled a soft, 'after you'.

The driver looked at the pair through the rearview mirror. "Where can I take you two lovebirds this evening?" He asked and even though she began to blush uncontrollably, Bucky seemed to remain calm and gave him the address of her apartment.

The ride was silent, save for the radio that played some new age station. Bucky commented on the music in this century, but she didn't know how to reply- or maybe it was her nerves that kept her mum- but she let his comments go without a reply.

His body took up the entire right side of the backseat, and she was very much aware of the space between his thigh and hers. Five or so inches of empty space, just a plane of black leather between them, until suddenly his body shifts to make himself more comfortable, and his thigh brushed against her. She held her breath for the entirety of the time that they were connected by that single touch; wondering if he knew what he was doing to her, and how on Earth he could be so damn calm about it all.

She could see her building in the distance, and thanked the heavens that they weren't far. And then she remembered that she wouldn't be getting out of the cab alone, and that she had actually invited him home, and that there would undoubtedly be more moments like this one. _What have I gotten myself into_ , she asked herself. It was all a blur as she tried to wrap her mind around what was happening. Everything was okay when they were in public, but as soon as the pair stepped through her threshold, it was just the two of them.

As promised, she fixed him up a cup of coffee while he made himself comfortable on her couch. She played some music- jazz, after hearing him mutter how today's music was nothing like what he grew up with. And when she turned to him, the sight of his biceps bulging out of that white t-shirt nearly made her melt. Even his metal arm, that she had never seen so exposed, was deliciously sculpted. She had to physically tear her eyes away to keep herself from staring; for her own sake, and the sake of not making him uncomfortable. The last thing she wanted was him to feel like he needed to keep it hidden.

"Thank you," he grinned as he took the mug from her hands. He closed his eyes as he inhaled the scent, and took a small sip. "You're right, that is pretty good."

"Told ya," she replied with a smirk.

It fell silent. The tension from the cab had only followed them. She wished she knew what he was thinking. He was so comfortable and so relaxed that she couldn't tell if he could feel it too.

"So," she began cautiously. "You were just about to tell me how you had gotten captured."

His body tensed up a little, but just as quickly, he relaxed again. "Right," he muttered. "We were in Azzano- in Italy. We were under heavy fire from German troops and we probably wouldn't have made it out without backup. But then there was this- I don't even know how to explain it, like a flash of blue light, and they weren't just targeting American soldiers, they were going after everyone. People just disappeared into thin air."

"We were taken to Austria, we worked at their weapons camp-" He trailed off, obviously hurt by his memories. Bucky sat his cup of coffee on the table and carded a hand through his hair. "There was this colonel there, Lohmer, he didn't like me very much; nearly beat me within an inch of my life. That's when they started the experiments."

His jaw tensed, hands balled into fists, and his metal arm began to whir. Her eyes glanced down to his appendage, watching as the plates shifted together. She should have been scared, but she couldn't find it in herself. She was no longer smiling, the happiness in his eyes could no longer be found. Just the thought of him being hurt made her heart constrict in the worst way; and he wasn't even at the worst part of it yet. This should have been the part where Bucky decided to stop telling his story. Where he got up and decided to leave.

But he looked at her, and he gave her a ghost of a smile, and his body somehow began to relax once more. "But then, the last person that I would ever expect to be there, was there." And she knew that he was talking about Steve. "But he wasn't the same kid that I left in Brooklyn. You know, at the time I didn't know how he had gotten that way, I was just happy that he was there."

"Everything that I did to protect this kid growing up, and his stupid ass had to go turn himself into a super soldier." He laughed, but she didn't pretend like she didn't see the pain in his eyes. How his smile faded less than a second later and was replaced by a frown. "It was like the tables were turned. I was the helpless one, and Steve was the one protecting me."

She could tell that he was disappointed in the way things had played out. Steve had always looked up to Bucky, needed Bucky, and then all of the sudden he didn't. He never thought his best friend would have to see war; his friends dying right in front of him and not being able to do anything about it, having to survive days- maybe weeks- of dehydration and starvation because there weren't enough rations for everyone, sleeping on the ground with a rock for a pillow. Bucky had been there for Steve when he started fights he couldn't finish, when his mother died, but he was unsure if he could protect him from the scars that war would inevitably leave behind.

Annelise knew what happened next.

"I was the first one," he muttered. "The first of the Winter Soldier Program. They did everything they could to erase who I was- to turn me into something else. They had this book and inside were a list of words. They'd take me off ice, read those fuckin' words, and I was no longer Bucky, I was just _Soldier_. That's how they were able to control me, like a damn dog, making me do terrible things." His eyes lifted to meet hers, and she could see the sorrow in them. It was as if he was looking at her to see if she was disgusted by him, or scared of him. "I know that I didn't have a choice, and that I didn't know what I was doing, but _I_ still did those things. It's all still a part of me."

"I killed JFK." His voice was heavy as he continued.

Annelise could feel tears stinging her eyes, but she fought them.

"The worst was in Siberia." Her eyes widened, wondering how it could have possibly gotten worse for him. "Howard Stark had a replica of the serum, and that's when I- when I was-" His voice trailed off as he looked down at his lap. "This group, they were already ruthless without the serum. If they were able to overpower me, they were accepted into the program. I was used to help train them, and they all turned out worse, somehow. Basically, I got the shit kicked out of me everyday, and when they decided they didn't need me anymore- when they were done, I'd be frozen again."

A tear fell to her cheek and she quickly wiped it away, not wanting him to see. She would never be able to understand the extent of the pain that he had gone through. And for a moment, she hated herself for making him talk about it. She could only imagine how he felt as he recalled every kill, as he saw the faces of the people he murdered in cold blood- innocent or not. He was obviously still in so much pain, but he did such a good job at keeping it hidden. He still smiled, he still tried to live a life of normalcy.

Her coffee was lukewarm now and she stood up to place her cup in the sink. She stood there for a moment, gripping the edges of the counter, pleading with herself to not cry, but she just couldn't imagine why anyone would want to hurt someone so damn innocent. And even if innocent wasn't the best word to use in his case, that's what he truly was, because he wouldn't have done it if he wasn't forced to. And she knew that, which was why she wasn't afraid of him like any normal person would have been.

She didn't hear him get up, or cross the room, and she didn't know that he was standing behind her until he reached around and placed his own cup into the sink alongside hers. She jumped slightly, not expecting him to be there, and turned to face him. He was closer than she thought he was, and she was stuck in place with her back now against the counter. She could hear him exhale and inhale in a slow pattern that somehow fell in sync with the music that played in the background. Her eyes dared not look up to him, because if they did, she knew in her soul that she would not be able to stop herself from allowing her lips to try and erase all of the pain he had ever felt in all of his years.

"It's getting pretty late." She breathed, unable to think of anything else.

"Sorry," he mumbled in return.

Annelise chanced looking up into those baby blues and her heart broke at the sight of them. He looked so tortured, like he was dying to find someone who wouldn't hurt him anymore; someone who would accept him for who he was- and everything he's ever done.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," she told him.

He took a step back from her before turning back towards the living room. Bucky grabbed his jacket from the back out the couch and slipped his arms inside, slicking back the hair that had fallen into his eyes. She joined him at the door, holding it open for him as he stepped on to her welcome mat.

"You know," he said as he turned back to face her. "Maybe you'll let me take you out on a real date soon." There was a hopeful gleam in his eye that made her chest feel tight.

A real date with Bucky Barnes was everything she had daydreamed about for the past two months of knowing him. It would involve a fancy dinner, dancing, laughing under the stars. At some point he'd probably drape his jacket over her shoulders as they strolled through Central Park.

"Bucky," she sighed. "We can't."

Yes, they could. They absolutely could. There was nothing holding them back apart from her. She had her own reasoning for it- reasons that only she would understand; which was why she could feel how heavy her heart had become in her chest after seeing the gleam in his eyes disappear, and his smirk falter.

He slowly nodded his head, pretending to understand even though they both knew that he didn't. "Well," he replied with a fake confidence. "Can't blame a guy for trying."

Her lips twitched into a slanted grin and she muttered a goodbye to him as he turned his back towards her, heading for the stairs. Maybe she would have taken him up on his offer if the timing was different, or if Sean wasn't still trying to butt himself into her life. Maybe if she wasn't so afraid of getting hurt again. Whatever the case, she knew that whatever walls Bucky had allowed himself to take down, were instantly built right back up.

* * *

 **annelise you need to make up your mind right now! right now dammit!**

 **i watched the winter soldier last night and i honestly cried for like six hours. most of this information comes from the mcu wiki page, and i tried my hardest to do his character justice. but there is honestly no way to convey what he's been through, and omg it just makes me so sad. as i was writing this in a corner of my local starbucks (shout out), it took everything i had not to cry again!**

 **drama for your mama coming soon! among other things!**

 **musical inspiration provided by:**

 **1\. o holy night - angel snow**

 **2\. i still believe in you - eric reed**

 **reviews are appreciated and encouraged and i love you all so darn much!**


	9. Square One

**another one bites the dust!**

 **so currently my reviews aren't showing up on the website, so if i missed anyone in the shout out, i'm incredibly sorry! you all know that i love you so much and i'm so happy that you're enjoying the story so far! so thanks to MusicAngel98, inperfection, ONE-Fine-DAME, Guest, and Evey.**

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A week passed.

Two weeks passed.

Time was seemingly dragging on.

Annelise was trying her hardest to make up an excuse for why she had been so down in the dumps lately; despite constantly denying it- everyone noticed. It was the weather, it was her exams, it was work, it was the holiday. It was anything except the truth. And the truth was that Bucky Barnes was downright _refusing_ to see her. The truth was that she had hurt him, unknowingly led him on, let him open up to her only for her to turn him down when all he wanted was to take her out.

What was the harm in that? He wanted to show her a good time, he wanted to have fun. It was her idea that he should get out and let loose in the first place; get his mind off of the horrors that he had committed. But it was more than that. It was more than just a good time, more than just going out, more than a date. Those 'therapy sessions' were a lot more than just therapy sessions. She wasn't just 'changing the setting'.

She couldn't deny that there was something between them. She didn't know what it was, but there was an attraction there. Tension. A force that, if she got too close to him, felt like it would pull them right together; like magnets. She had tried to pinpoint it, and she knew that she felt it before she even met him. Her attraction to James Buchanan Barnes started the second she watched that first interview; one of the ones where he would just brood, arms crossed, silent as could be.

But she would have never expected him to feel the same way.

Not in a million years. Not ever.

Annelise was doing what she could to keep herself busy. Most of her time had been consumed in her exams, and when she wasn't studying, she had picked up running- of all things. The empty time that she had felt like giant voids, where all she did was think about how to mend the situation between her and Bucky. Outside of being her patient, he was someone she enjoyed spending time with; and she honestly missed him.

Rich dragged her out of her apartment most nights; knowing that if he left her to her own devices, she'd become a hermit and shut herself in her bedroom over the break- probably refusing to shower or brush her hair- an exact repeat of what happened when she broke up with the cheating scumbag. She had finally met Gabrielle; a beautiful, tan woman who looked at Rich as if he was the center of her universe. Annelise was happy for the two of them, but her jealousy could only be masked for so long.

She wasn't the only one making excuses, either. Tony was coming up with them left and right for why Bucky wasn't available whenever she called. Every time she called, every time she asked to see him, he was on assignment or working out or sleeping. It came to the point where she was afraid that she sounded incredibly desperate, and just decided to stop calling altogether. Tony wasn't one to lie to her, or sugarcoat anything, so she knew that it had to be a lot worse than she expected.

It was close to Christmas, and she still hadn't done any shopping. She would run through the streets of Manhattan, passing by each store she should've been going into, but she continued to put it off. Partly wishing that if she didn't pick up the gifts, somehow time would just skip over her least favorite holiday. That way she wouldn't have to see her family again, or risk the possibility of seeing her ex-boyfriend again when her mother conveniently decided to invite him over to the Christmas Eve potluck.

The air bit at her skin as she ran in place on the corner of Park and 45th street. Her heavy breaths showed in the freezing air. She was trying to ignore the fact that the Avengers tower was to her left. She could see the skyscraper out of the corner of her eye as she waited for the sign across the street to give her the signal that she could continue on her run. She'd be lying if she said she didn't run this path on the off chance that she might run into a familiar metal-armed man. But everyday that she passed that tower, and everyday that she didn't see him just made her that much more upset with herself. Made her feel that much more pathetic.

The sign gave her the green light, but she didn't run ahead. Instead, she took a sharp left turn and jogged right to the glass double doors that she knew so well; bumping into a few grumpy pedestrians along the way. Pulling her headphones out of her ears, she nodded at the security guard in the lobby who was munching on a jelly-filled donut. The reflection of herself in the golden elevator doors wasn't much to be desired. She had been sweating, her hair was a mess, her face was as red as a tomato. Not to mention, she was having a hard time controlling her breathing.

When she got to the twelfth floor, there was no sign of the Winter Soldier. But Tony stood behind the island bar, making what looked like a glass of Eggnog; her stomach lurched at the sight of it. He was obviously surprised to see her, his eyes were wide and his eyebrows shot up as soon as she stepped from the elevator. In the corner of the vast room was a giant Christmas Tree, which was surrounded by at least two hundred presents.

"Don't tell me he's not here," she told him.

"Nice to see you, too." Tony shot back, taking a sip of his drink which left a white mustache on his upper lip. He licked it off before smacking his lips obnoxiously. "He's here, but I don't think he'll be too thrilled to see you."

"Just- can you tell him I'm here, please?" She wasn't in the mood for a conversation with Tony; much less an argument. She was here to see Bucky.

Tony picked his glass up from the counter top and disappeared behind the door across the room. She had a plan. She rehearsed what she would say to him over and over again in her head over the last two weeks. She was going to tell him how she felt, she would explain her motives, she'd apologize. The monologue was memorized, she had relayed it in the mirror almost every night. But as soon as he stepped through that door, she lost it all.

He was all muscle and hard lines; shoulders hunched, very prominent scowl on his face, eyes darkened. Obviously not the only one who had been working out, as his grey shirt was stained with sweat, and his hair was slick with it. He had a water bottle in his hand, and she couldn't help her eyes dropping down to his basketball shorts; which were leaving almost nothing to the imagination. He brushed right by her and sat on the couch; didn't say a word, didn't acknowledge her presence at all.

She exhaled with a sharp breath; her tongue in cheek as she wondered if he was just having a bad day or if this was her doing. "You wanna talk about it?" She asked with a bite, knowing that he most definitely did not want to talk about.

Bucky didn't even turn his head in her direction. His expression was unchanged. His metal hand was curled into a fist, and his right hand gripped his water bottle so tight that his knuckles were white.

Annelise sighed in frustration, digging the heels of her hands into her eye sockets. She took a seat across from him and just looked at him, despite the fact that he kept his eyes glued to the floor. It was like their first session all over again. It was painfully awkward, and all she wanted was to find the right thing to say; but everything she thought of sounded wrong, or mean, or stupid.

"I don't know why I came here." She stated, standing up to leave after a few silent moments. "This was a mistake. I wanted to apologize, but it doesn't look like you're in the mood to accept anything I have to say. I'm sorry for wasting your time."

With that, she proceeded towards the elevator; stomping her feet a little too hard with each step she took. She paused briefly with her finger hovering over the call button, and when she didn't hear him coming up behind her, she jammed her index finger into the round button; hoping that her ride would be here faster with the more times she pressed it.

"Annelise," she heard from behind her. It was the first time she had ever heard him say her name, and God did it sound so good coming from his lips. His voice was low, but she could hear the sadness and pain in each syllable.

When she turned to him, he was taking slow steps towards her. And that feeling was there again, the one that felt like if her feet weren't firmly planted on the ground, some unknown force would pull her right to him. The internal struggle between the part of her that wanted him, and the part of her that needed more time, were fighting at full force in that very moment. It didn't help that his t-shirt had risen over the waistband of his shorts, and she could see the name brand of his boxers underneath.

 _Fuck_ , she cursed mentally as she felt the metaphorical scale shift inside of her; favoring heavily to the side that wanted her to jump his bones. The closer he was to her, the more it felt like the blood beneath her skin was evaporating. She couldn't keep doing this. Either something needed to happen, or she had to refrain from seeing him ever again; those were her only options. There was no in between.

"What?" She asked, finally.

How many of these moments were they going to have; where he was so close that she could count the freckles on his face, or smell his deodorant and shampoo, or see the flecks of green and grey pigments in his eyes? If he wanted to kiss her, he needed to do it, but she knew that he would never. Bucky was a man with morals. However misguided he may be, he'd never do anything that made her uncomfortable. In fact, she was the one who had made him uncomfortable on more than one occasion. And she was also the one who turned him down, who said 'we can't'.

"Well!" She jumped backwards at the sound of Tony's voice, and was instantly pulled back to reality. "Are we back on good terms yet?" He had a tight smirk on his face as he joined the two of them at their sides. Annelise and Bucky remained quiet, both secretly hating that the moment had once again been ruined. "Jesus, you could cut the sexual tension with a knife." Maybe he was trying to help, or maybe he knew what he was doing, but Tony was only making the situation between Bucky and Annelise much worse.

"I have to go," she stated and turned back to the elevator which had- once again- come and gone. She jammed the button again, tapping her foot against the concrete flooring.

"Now, Annie, where's the fun in that?" The billionaire asked. "I thought we could all go out for dinner. You know, be normal, act like regular people. The rest of the team is up for it, what do you say?"

She was skeptical. And she was hardly dressed for a dinner with the Avengers. If she knew Tony, they'd be whisked away to a five-star, reservations-only type of restaurant. One more time, the elevator came and went, and Annelise crossed her arms over her chest with a _hmph._

"Come on," Tony said and draped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into the double doors that lead to their living quarters. "I'm sure Romanoff has something you can wear."

An hour later, she found herself crammed into a booth; squished between Captain America and The Falcon. Across from her was Tony, Natasha, and Bucky. She'd be lying if she wasn't envious of the redheaded bombshell who seemed a little too comfortable next to the man that Annelise had come to know quite well over the last few months. She suddenly felt self conscious in Natasha's clothes that were a little loose in the chest area, and didn't fit her hips in the same way. Meanwhile her old friend was the picture of perfection in a form fitting dress.

She tried to keep her gaze on the menu, or whoever was talking at the moment, or on her phone- until Tony scolded her for it- anything except Bucky, who looked as if he might spontaneously combust at any moment. And that was when Natasha turned to him and said something to him in a whisper that brought the tiniest smile to his lips. Annelise was unable to hear what she had said to him, because the blood was pulsing in her ears so loudly that it drowned everything else out, and she knew that it showed on her face how painstakingly jealous she was.

When their food came, she quickly realized that Steve was left-handed, and their elbows bumped together as they cut their dinner into pieces small enough to eat. And then Steve was doing it on purpose; picking up his fork and knife as soon as she picked up hers- prompting the two of them to playfully fight for dominance. When Tony cleared his throat, the two of them looked up like two children who had just got caught doing something they shouldn't have been doing.

A silence fell over the table as everyone ate, and Annelise wondered if everyone felt the awkwardness or if it was just her. Eventually Sam piped up, immersing his teammates in small talk about future missions. She stayed quiet, however, listening to what life was like as an Avenger; crime fighting, travelling, espionage. When she was little she used to parade around in her pajamas with a blanket cape pretending that she as a superhero; she'd never have believed that they could actually be real. Yet here she was eating dinner with trained spies, super soldiers, assassins, and Tony; Listening to them plan their battle strategies, and go over plans to capture the bad guy of the week.

"Sorry, Nat, I didn't know your foot was there." She mumbled after accidentally brushing her foot against the woman across from her. Annelise brought her napkin up to her lips, wiping at the corners after taking a bite of her salad.

Natasha looked at her with confusion. "That wasn't my foot, sweetie." The redhead replied with a small smirk, her eyebrow lifting ever so slightly. Her eyes motioned to the man sitting on her left, secretly telling Annelise that it was his foot she had touched accidentally.

Immediately her cheeks flushed. Her eyes cautiously stole a glance at Bucky. His jaw was tight, fists clenched around his utensils as he chewed on a piece of steak. He didn't dare meet her gaze, and instead kept his eyes glued to Sam who was now talking about some improvements that could be made to his Falcon suit and Redwing. Her stare dropped back down to her salad, and suddenly she had lost her appetite. She wished that a meteor would fall out of the sky and only land on her; wipe her from existence. She didn't belong here, and she was out of place, and the one person she came here for wouldn't even look at her.

"So, Annelise," Steve broke away from Sam's conversation with Tony when he realized that the girl to his left was uncomfortable. "What are your plans for the holiday?"

She pretended not to see Bucky turn his attention to them.

"Well," she replied as she slid her plate away from her. "My parents are having a Christmas Eve potluck. They do it every year and I kind of have to attend."

"That sounds nice." Captain America replied with a genuine smile. "Spending time with family is important. What about New Year's Eve? Doing anything special?"

She shook her head. Rich had plans with Gabrielle, which ruined their usual plans of watching the ball drop together. "I haven't really planned that far ahead, yet."

"You should come to the tower." He then suggested. "Tony's throwing a party."

"When does Tony not throw a party?" Sam chimed in.

"You should come. It'll be fun." Steve said again. "We might even break out the board games again."

"Are you sure that's such a good idea Steve?" Sam played. "Remember what happened last time you tried to go against Team Falcon, here? You and Maximoff got your asses handed to you." This, of course sparked an argument between the two friends who argued over which board game team was better. Steve argued that because he had Wanda, who could read minds, that his team was better. He denied that using Wanda's power was in fact cheating.

Annelise giggled at the memory, and then she absentmindedly looked at Bucky who had his fork bent in half. Her eyes widened at him, and he dropped his gaze down to the fork he had just ruined before dropping to the plate. "May I be excused?" He asked softly, receiving a groan from Tony who would have to get up, and then Natasha who would also have to slide out of the booth before Bucky could get up.

As soon as he was free, he jolted towards the exit. Natasha and Tony sat back down with confused looks before turning their attention towards her. She wished she could shrink. Or that that meteor would hurry up and get here so that she no longer had to be a part of this moment. Why did she have to go on that stupid run this afternoon? Why didn't she just keep going straight on her usual path? Why did she have to go trying to make amends that _someone_ clearly didn't want to mend?

"You really did a number on him, huh?" Nat asked.

"I asked you to make him better, not worse." Tony added.

Steve told her to wait it out; give him time to work it out in his head. He said that he never knew Bucky to give up on a beautiful woman so easily, but then again that was the Bucky from the forties, and this was someone else entirely. Natasha offered to talk to him, but Annelise declined; her jealousy was flaring again, but she played it off by saying that Steve was right- they should just give it time.

After dessert, she had made plans to stop by Tony's New Years Eve party, and promised to have Natasha's clothes returned to her. She thanked Tony for the dinner, and hopped in an available cab after saying goodbye to everyone else. As the vehicle carried her through the streets of New York City, she wondered just how much time Bucky would need. And she hoped that it wouldn't be too much.

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 **god i feel like this is awful. but it was needed. you know, gotta have those filler chapters sometimes. man, our girl got jealous in this chapter. green is not a decent color on you annelise; well, it might be, who knows... i haven't really described her. speaking of, i like to leave my main character as open to interpretation as i possibly can. just letting you know.**

 **chapter ten is next** **(づ ￣ ³￣)づ** **ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ**

 **musical inspiration for this chapter is provided by:**

 **1\. little things - colbie calliat**

 **2\. maramao perche sei morto - nicola arigliano**

 **reviews are greatly appreciated! and encouraged... but y'all already knew that.**


	10. Medicine

**it's here! merry christmas in july!**

 **thanks to the folks who reviewed! AilynAlonso (for your review on chapter 8 and 9), Guest,** **Irena Goddess of Imagination, and Lara Barnes! plus all the people who favorite and follow but don't review... i still love yall too!**

* * *

" _You're just going to have to give him time,"_ Steve's voice rang through her ears as she stared at her ceiling. The sun hadn't even begun to peek over the horizon, and Annelise was up in the early hours of the morning because she just couldn't stop thinking about him. With her sheets tangled at her feet, and her neighbor's Christmas lights reflecting red and green shadows on her walls, she wondered how long it would be until she was out of the metaphorical doghouse.

There was no way she'd be able to go back to sleep.

Not with her alarm clock staring back at her; it's bright, red lines spelling out the time.

"It's a good day for breakfast," she mumbled to herself as she sat up in the middle of her bed. Her hand absentmindedly ran through her bed head, getting caught in the knots and tangles. "And coffee." She added.

Annelise wasn't a cook, but she could fix a good bagel- in the toaster- and if she added sour cream, that made it was really good. Sometimes she'd even add fresh fruit if she was feeling up to it. There were days when she'd try to fix pancakes, but they usually wound up going awry in some way; either they'd stick to the pan and cause a giant mess, or they'd burn. Or she'd add too many chocolate chips and they'd be too sweet.

On most occasions, she'd make a home in the booth of the diner down the street- New York Times in hand- the waitress already knowing her order before she even asked; two scrambled eggs with cheese, hash browns, and toast with strawberry jelly. It was usually a Sunday morning thing, but today was special, because today she needed whatever she could to distract her from her problem. Not that Bucky Barnes was a problem. But sitting around and trying to pinpoint, and shift blame, and mope was unhealthy. She knew that. And she decided that it had to stop. Today.

"Same ol' same?" The waitresses name was Deborah. She worked fifty hours or more a week, usually in the mornings, and it was obviously taking a toll on her knees. Annelise always tipped well, even if she, herself, couldn't afford it. But Deborah needed it more than she did, that she was sure of.

The younger woman nodded at the waitress as she took a seat in one of the booths by the window. "You know just how I like it!" She replied, pulling the scarf from her neck.

It was a slushy morning in Manhattan. It had snowed overnight, and thawed shortly after, leaving piles of wet muck on the sides of the streets. The same Christmas songs she had been hearing every day since the day after Thanksgiving were playing from the radio behind the counter. As hard as she tried, she just couldn't find it in her to enjoy the holiday. She never did. Despite the actual 'reason for the season', Annelise thought of it as just another day for spoiled brats to berate their parents into spending money on things that they'd forget about by February.

Her phone began to ring, and Annelise pulled the corner of her newspaper down to see that it was her brother calling. Her eyes rolled dramatically as she pressed the phone to her ear. "Yes?"

Immediately she could hear the sounds of the city in the background on Daniel's end; cars honking, citizens yelling at each other, and her brothers uneven breathing as he walked through the streets. " _I just picked up our mother's Christmas gift."_

"What color did you get?" She asked, placing her paper down on the table.

" _She wanted the pink one."_ Daniel reminded her. " _So I got her the pink one."_

Annelise snickered at the thought of her brother walking into Nordstrom and purchasing a pink handbag. "Did you get her the wallet to go with it?" She asked.

" _The bag was already $700.00, Annie."_

"Daniel! You've got to go back and get the wallet! You can't buy a woman a purse without buying her the matching wallet. Where are you?" Deborah came and dropped her food on the table, and Annelise's mouth watered at the sight of the melted cheese over her scrambled eggs. "Thanks," she told the waitress.

" _I'm getting in a cab,"_ her brother replied. " _Where are you?"_

"I'm at the diner down the street from my apartment." She said through a full mouth.

" _Well enjoy your breakfast. I'll leave the wallet to you and you still owe me $345.00 for this stupid purse. I want it by tomorrow night. You_ are _coming to the potluck, right?"_

She groaned, having momentarily forgotten about that stupid potluck. "Do I have a choice?" She asked with disdain. "Please make sure that mom doesn't invite Sean again."

" _I already made sure he wasn't invited, Merry Christmas, you're welcome."_

"I love you, Dan."

"Love you, too." He replied. "I'll see you tomorrow night."

After she was finished with her breakfast, she made her way back home. The city was fully alive by then, and she knew that she needed to get her shopping done soon before she missed her window. Instead, she fell on to her bed face first; stomach full from her meal, and bones tired from a restless night. She called Rich, but he was working, and wasn't able to be her shopping partner for the day. A part of her was thankful, it allowed her to put it off for one more day.

It wasn't long before _those thoughts_ began to creep back into her mind, though. And she sat up immediately, shaking her head, not wanting to allow herself to think of him for even a second. She then pulled her sheets and comforter from her bed and tossed them into an empty laundry basket. They didn't necessarily need to be washed, but she'd do whatever it took to keep herself busy.

Except shopping, obviously.

While her load was in the washing machine, she decided to go through her closet; finally deciding to get rid of those clothes that she had been hanging on to 'just in case' she lost the weight needed to fit into them again- the ones that had been taking up room in her closet for over a year. She tossed them into a bag and promised to drop them off at a donation center later that day.

She replaced the picture frames that Sean had broke. They had been sitting in the same Michael's bag for a week now, and she knew that Rich would appreciate their picture going back to it's place on her entertainment stand. Then she made a few phone calls to her relatives that she wouldn't be seeing at tomorrow night's dinner, and even paid a few bills.

Her day had been thoroughly productive, but what about tomorrow, or the next day? There was no way she could keep this up everyday. It was only mid-afternoon when she made her bed with her now clean comforter and sheets. She sighed at the sight of the time. There was nothing left for her to do? Her apartment was clean, laundry was done, closet was so organized that even Rich would be impressed.

She pulled her sketchpad from her bag and grabbed a few pencils before nestling into her freshly made bed. The sun was finally starting to go down, and she knew that it'd be an early night after not getting much sleep last night. She turned on her television- Friends again- and began to sketch animated versions of the show's characters. As much as she tried pushing him to the back of her mind, it seemed nearly impossible now. It was as if she had built up a dam, and now that she had some downtime, the dam had broken and thoughts of Bucky filled every crack and crevice of her brain.

She could feel her eyes getting heavy.

And she knew that her dreams would be centered around him tonight.

Her eyes flew open, heart pounding, as she was jerked from her sleep. She didn't remember falling asleep, but her T.V was still on, and her sketchpad was at her side. The sounds of a fist pounding on her door floated through her apartment, and she took a moment to check her phone for the time. The harsh light on her eyes made her squint, but she made out that it was nearly three o'clock in the morning. She clicked her television off, and swung her legs over the side of the bed; mumbling to whoever it was that she'd be there in a minute.

Once she saw who it was through the peephole, she threw the door open; not even caring that she was only dressed in a pair of very short shorts and a tank top with no bra underneath. "What in the hell are you doing here!?" She exclaimed with a groggy voice. "It's three in the morning!"

"I'm sorry, I know." He told her. She stepped to the side, motioning for him to come inside. Whatever it was, it must have been important. He raked a hand through his tresses and paced in her foyer. His clunky boots on her floors were probably waking the people who lived underneath her.

"Are you okay?" She asked in return.

He took two steps toward her; placing his large hands on her hips- one warm, one cold- and backed her towards the wall. It was cold against her skin, and she could feel goosebumps rising on her bare arms. She wasn't even surprised when he did this, at this point he could do whatever he wanted, and she'd be fine with it. "I shouldn't be here, tell me to leave." His voice was barely a whisper.

"What is going on?" A lump formed in her throat once she realized that he hadn't moved his hands from her hips. He was still touching her. He was so close. Her senses were waking up; she could smell the faint mint of his toothpaste, the apple scent of his shampoo as his hair fell into his dark blue eyes.

"Just tell me to go." His warm breath could be felt on her jaw line. His right arm was against the wall, keeping her where she was; not like she would go anywhere, anyways.

"Not until you tell me what's going on." She replied. And she wanted nothing more than to kiss him. Her lips ached for it. She reached up to touch him, but he took a step away from her, his pointer and thumb moving up to the bridge of his nose; hissing at himself as he struggled for composure. She stayed where she was, back still against the cool wall.

He let out a sigh, and she knew that whatever it was, it was causing him a great deal of stress. "I can't do this anymore." He spoke. "There's something here," he motioned to the space in between them. "I've tried pretending like it's not, but I can't anymore."

"So don't." Her words were low, but he heard them. His head lifted to look at her, and his eyes searched her face for any sign that she might not have been serious. His chest movements because faster, body language telling her that he was still unsure. "Buck," she breathed, reaching out to cup his face in her hands.

His name falling from her lips seemed to be all he needed to hear, because within a second, he closed the gap between the two of them and crashed his lips onto hers. A squeak of surprise escaped her throat, and he almost immediately pulled away as if he had done something wrong. She wouldn't let him get too far from her though; snaking her arms around his neck, pulling him back down to her. His pupils were blown wide with lust, leaving only a tiny rim of blue around them.

Their lips connected once more; his were rough, a little chapped, but he kissed her softly- almost as if he was afraid he would hurt her. The kiss pulled all of the air from her lungs, and her knees shook from underneath her as his hands slid down her back; the only thing separating her from feeling his skin on hers was the thin fabric of her tank. He could feel her melting against him, and lifted her at the hips, allowing her to wrap her legs around his torso.

He carried her through the open door of her bedroom, and laid her down gently on top of her covers. She looked up at him, as he hovered above her; his eyes filled with a look she had never seen before, lips just parted softly. They dropped back down to hers, each time more rough than the last, and then they trailed open-mouthed kisses along her jaw to underneath her ear; teeth and tongue, making her feel things she'd long forgotten she could feel. She allowed a breathy moan to slip from her lips, and she could feel his body react to it.

Reaching her arms to the middle of his back, she pulled at the fabric of the shirt that he was wearing. He ducked his head, allowing her to pull it over his head, and toss it to the side of the bed and to the floor. She almost whined at the sight of him; the muscles that protruded from his skin, each crevice. She ran her hands over his abdomen, feeling the heat of his skin with her fingertips. His eyes fluttered shut at her touch- a touch that he had wanted to feel since the moment he had laid eyes on her.

Then her gaze moved upwards from his middle to the long, jagged pink scar on his shoulder where his tan flesh met silver metal. She had never seen his arm in it's entirety; only up to the elbow. He hated to think that it was a part of him, and she knew that. But it was a part of him; and she wanted all of him- his past and his metal appendage were no exceptions. It hurt her to see the scars protruding from his perfect skin, and if this were any other time, she may have cried at the sight. Someone so perfect should have never had to endure as much pain as he had.

Her fingers grazed lightly over the cool surface, causing the plates to shift underneath her touch. "Does it hurt?" She asked him with a whisper, keeping her eyes on the silver. Bucky slowly shook his head, bewilderment across his features as he watched her interact with the weapon that had been forced upon him. He would have thought she'd be scared, but she seemed more amazed than anything. Annelise craned her neck to pepper tiny kisses; leaving a fog behind where her heated breath came into contact with the cold metal.

Bucky rolled back onto his knees, bottom lip pulled between his teeth as he looked down at the woman beneath him. His eyes roamed her entire figure, and she could see through his jeans just how much he enjoyed the sight. She sat upward, her face coming level with the buckle of his belt, and her hands moved to begin undoing it. A growl rumbled from his throat, and his head tipped back, knowing what was about to transpire. When she placed a firm kiss on his skin, right above the button of his jeans, she could feel his cock throbbing in its confines. Her cheeks flushed at the thought.

Once she had pulled the belt from his hips, she fumbled with the button and slowly pulled down his zipper, until his growing member was forcing itself through the thick fabric that had been keeping it at bay. She kissed him through his boxer briefs and he hissed at the feeling. Her eyes widened at the sight of his cock springing free into the air; the velvet head bobbing before her eyes. Her tongue absentmindedly slid across her bottom lip, and she looked up at Bucky; waiting patiently and still looking like he was about to burst. He held the base with his flesh hand and dragged the tip along her lips, awaiting entrance to her mouth.

She parted her lips slightly, keeping her eyes fixed on his baby blues, and slicked her tongue across his slit; lapping up tiny beads of precum that had seeped out. "Christ," Bucky moaned. His head fell back once again, reveling in the feeling of her mouth; the tightness of her throat. She forced as much length as she could to the back of her throat, and swiveled her tongue on the underside simultaneously. She could feel the blood rushing towards the tip with her tongue pressed flatly against the large vein. He would have stayed in her mouth forever, feeling her salivating at the taste of his cock; but she pulled him out of her with a gasp and only a trail of spit still connected them.

Pumping him with her hand and her mouth, Annelise could feel herself becoming wet at the sight of this Bucky; unable to keep control of himself, eyes rolled back, hand in her hair. She could feel the muscles between her legs contracting, and she needed some kind of release of her own. She dropped her free hand to her own wet flesh and slid her fingers under the hem of her shorts. Bucky watched in delirium and she fingered herself and sucked his throbbing cock at the same time, and was enjoying the sight so much so that he needed to pull himself from her mouth before he finished too early.

He pulled her hand from underneath her shorts and brought her fingers to his lips, tasting her. A blush rose to her cheeks, watching as his eyes closed shut when he got a taste; a deep, rumbling groan erupting from his throat. He hooked his fingers in the elastic band of her shorts and inched them slowly down her thighs, placing rough kisses on her torso, on her hip bones; stubbled chin tickling her skin, causing her to shiver. Her breathing became unsteady as his hot breath fanned over her wet core. His thumb rubbed over the strip of hair that led right to her clit and he hummed once he felt how wet she was for him.

He kept his eyes on her as he rubbed circles around her clit, watching her react to the feeling of him touching her in such an intimate way. Her back lifted from the bed, arching as his movements became faster, rougher, harder. She was closing in on the climax; eyes rolled back in her head, lips parted, hands grasping at the sheets. He pumped his fingers inside of her- one, and then two, curling back and forth until he could feel her body tightening around him. His metal arm draped over her body, keeping her still, fingers twirling around a nipple. Once he knew she wouldn't be able to last any longer, he pulled his fingers from her and immediately replaced them with his tongue. This new sensation made her gasp at the feeling of his salivating mouth sucking on the raw bundle of nerves that he had already gotten so worked up. Her hands flew to his hair as she pushed herself completely against his face, spewing out curse words as a tidal wave of pleasure swept over her entire body.

But Bucky was far from being done with her. After her body was left shaking- and he had lapped up every drop of cum that drooled from her slit- he was on top of her, once again. With one hand on the back of his neck, she pulled his mouth down to hers, letting her tongue explore the inside of him; also wanting to taste herself. He whimpered, feeling his cock brush against her wet folds. "Please," she breathed having felt it, too. His eyes were full blown and dark as he gazed down to her, searching one more time for any sign that she would change her mind. The only sounds in the room were her shaking breaths, impatiently waiting for him to fuck her senseless.

He lined himself up with her entrance, rubbing his tight cock head over her clit. A guttural moan bubbled in his throat at the tightness, he had never felt anything so good in his life. "Fuck, Annelise." He hissed as his cock pulsed against her walls, feeling her adjusting to his size. "You're so fucking tight."

Before he was all the way inside of her, he pulled himself back out and then forced himself back in; filling her to the hilt. The size of him tearing through her made her gasp, a sound that was muffled by his lips. His hips grinding against hers as his movements became more synchronized. The sounds of her moans filled the room around them, along with the tapping of the headboard on the wall behind them. He ducked his head to the crook of her neck as he continued to move inside of her, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to last much longer.

His metal hand gripped tightly at her hip, and his flesh hand was tangled in her hair; holding her in place as he rammed himself into her. She loved the dominance, and begged him for more; begged him to move harder, go deeper, fuck her faster. He had never been like this with anyone, but goddamn it had been so long and he wanted her so badly. Hearing her talk to him like that had him on edge, and his movements became much more erratic, and desperate. And before he knew it- with a shaking moan- he was pulling himself out of her and spilling his hot cum in a line right up her stomach.

Their chests were heaving, and Bucky rested his forehead on hers as the last little bit of his seed dripped from his tip. His lips found hers for a soft kiss before he rolled to her side. With heavy eyes, he watched as she caught her breath; her hair splayed out around the pillowcase, lips swollen, cheeks flushed. He wished she could have seen how beautiful she looked, as he committed the sight to memory. He never wanted to forget this very moment.

And then she dipped her finger in the mess on her stomach and brought it to her lips, sucking his cum from her fingertip with a smile. His eyes widened and she chuckled, "what?" She asked him before grabbing her shirt from the floor and wiping the rest off of her skin. He only shook his head and craned his neck to meet her for another kiss, and blushed when he felt himself already becoming hard once more. She smiled into the kiss, feeling him begin to press against her thigh. "You better be here when I wake up."

A yawn slipped from her lips, and she nuzzled into his side while pulling her cover over them. He stroked his fingers through her hair, unable to shake the smile that was lingering on his lips. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." He whispered but it went unheard, because when he looked down at her, she was already fast asleep.

* * *

 **ummmm well... uh, i don't really know what to say except you're welcome? i'm sorry?**

 **oh, i've been thinking about writing some like 5 chapter mini-stories, about bucky (because it's bucky), based on some good songs and stuff... just wanted to know if you guys would like that? i mean, i'm still going to write them, but i don't even know why i asked. just look for those if you want to read more bucky smut and fluff.**

 **musical inspiration is as follows:**

 **1\. the happiest christmas tree - nat king cole**

 **2\. better off - emily vaughn**

 **3\. medicine - broods**

 **i'd love to know what you guys are thinking now...**


	11. Giving and Receiving

**okay, wait... no one saw that coming? if i dragged it out any longer it would have gotten incredibly boring, and i didn't want to lose any of you, even though i feel like i already have. which makes me sad.**

 **anyways, thanks so much to those of you who i haven't lost! i love you all so much, so shout out to: Lara Barnes, Sissy95xx, lourdes1694, AilynAlonso, kawaiixkisses, ONE-Fine-Dame, and Guest. love you all!**

* * *

She thought it was a dream.

When her eyes flickered open, and she saw the sunlight spilling in through half opened blinds, she remembered what happened last night and thought to herself, _there's no way that could have been real._ And then she felt it; a massive, warm, naked body in bed with her. A smile crept to her lips as she relished in the feeling of his body heat; he was so incredibly warm, it felt as if she was sleeping with a space heater.

Annelise turned, quietly rolling on to her side so that she could face him. Bucky was still fast asleep; deep, heavy breaths coming from his slightly open mouth. His hair was a tangled mess, and he was sprawled across her bed like he owned it. Her smile grew as she took the moment to capture the memory in her mind's eye, before she ducked her head to place a tiny kiss on the corner of his mouth.

Bucky stirred, hands grabbing at her until he had successfully pulled her back against him; prompting her to let out a tired laugh. He groaned, loosening his grip only for a moment as he let his body stretch; the plates in his metal arm shifted and clicked into place as he did so. When he opened his eyes, Annelise swore she had never seen anything so blue.

"Go back to sleep," she whispered before she leaned back down to press another kiss to his lips. She shimmied from his arms, letting his flesh hand hit the bed with a _thud_. He let out a throaty whine when she left him, but quickly pulled the covers back over his bare shoulders and tried to get a few more minutes of sleep. She knew that he was tired, especially after last night. He deserved to get some rest.

It was cold without his body heat warming her. It didn't help that she was completely exposed. She quickly pulled his shirt over her head and admired herself in the mirror; thinking of herself as a changed woman. A rush of confidence surged through her body as she admired her curves in a way she hadn't in a very long time. She felt like Aphrodite, like Wonder Woman, like she could do anything.

She made her way into the kitchen with her new found confidence and turned on the radio that sat atop her counter. After turning the dial for a good five and a half minutes looking for something that wasn't Christmas music, she finally found a good station. While she danced around her tiny kitchen, pulling out all the ingredients she needed to make crepes; she was unaware of the pair of eyes that watched her from the threshold of her bedroom door.

"What are you doing?"

She spun around quickly, facing a shirtless Bucky in nothing but his boxers, and nearly had a heart attack at the sight. He looked amused; arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the door frame, tiny smirk on his lips. Her eyes trailed his figure, still in awe over his body. She could see her reflection in his metal appendage as he took a few steps closer.

"Making crepes." She replied to him after finally tearing her eyes away from his abdomen. She began to search her cupboards for flour. Then she saw it, all the way at the very top of one of her cabinets, definitely out of reach. She looked at Bucky and then back to the flour and pouted. "Can you reach it?" She asked.

He crossed the room, joining her at her side, placing his metal hand lightly at the small of her back while reaching for the bag of flour. He grabbed it with ease, but held it out of her reach still. "I have a price," he told her with a sly smile. "One kiss."

She crinkled up her nose at him, but still stood on her tippy-toes to reach his lips. Her body felt like it would melt when their lips touched in what felt like the sweetest kiss she had ever shared with another person. When she pulled away, Bucky still held the flour over her head. She pouted.

"Okay, one more." He hummed.

She kissed him again, smiling the entire time. He brought the bag down and sat it on the counter before wrapping his free hand around her waist; pulling her against him. She could feel that he was aroused, and ultimately broke the kiss, looking down at his hard cock making a tent in his boxers.

"Are you hungry?" She asked him, trying to get her mind out of the gutter; turning her face back to the task at hand, trying to hide the growing blush on her cheeks.

"Not for crepes," he replied with a smirk as he palmed himself to relieve some of the tension he was feeling. She wasn't necessarily hungry for them either. He looked much more delicious.

"Well, too bad!" Annelise leaned up against the counter, pulling up the recipe on her phone. She purposefully stuck her ass out, fully aware that Bucky was watching her from his seat at the island. "I've been wanting to try this recipe."

"I didn't know you could cook." He replied, popping a raspberry in his mouth.

She shrugged, measuring some ingredients before tossing them in a mixing bowl. "I took a cooking class." She said, glancing over her shoulder at him while she mixed the flour and egg whites together. "Once."

Nearly an hour and several burnt crepes later, Annelise looked up at her guest with defeat. She had successfully set off the smoke alarm twice, and was no closer to fixing a delicious breakfast than when she started out. Bucky watched on, amused, and didn't offer to help; he was much more content watching her struggle. Besides, she was so sure that she could do this herself.

"I give up." She said with a huff, tossing the frying pan into the sink. Bucky held his arms out to her, and she walked straight into his chest; wrapping her arms around his middle, and pushing herself in between his knees.

He placed his chin on top of her head. "It's a good thing I wasn't in the mood for crepes anyways." He told her. "Yours would have been delicious, though, I'm sure of it."

She smiled into his chest. "What are you in the mood for?"

That was more of a rhetorical question. Bucky reached behind himself and peeled her arms from the lock they had around his waist. She looked up at him, and he smiled down at her; running his hands down her sides before firmly planting them on her hips, lifting her off of the ground and sitting her on top of the island. He pushed himself between her legs, and she pushed his hair out of his face, giving her a clear view of his beautiful eyes.

The kiss tasted like the raspberries that he had been eating while she was failing at making breakfast. Bucky slid his hands underneath his shirt that she was wearing and slid it over her head effortlessly. He cupped her breasts, taking one nipple into his mouth- slowly circling it with his tongue- before starting on the other. Annelise tossed her head back at the feeling of his mouth on her; it was hot compared to the cool air of her apartment. Her nipples were already becoming hard before he even touched her, but the sensation of his teeth softly pulling at her skin sent shivers down her spine.

He pulled the bar stool back towards him so that he could sit back down. His mouth trailed kisses from her knees to her inner thighs. She laid back, propping herself on her elbows so that she could see him; wanting nothing more than to watch as he went to work on her. Her entire body felt the anticipation as his mouth became closer to her core.

He nipped and sucked at her skin, leaving behind red teeth marks. Seemingly going over every inch of her inner thighs; making her more impatient by the second. His stubble tickled her, prompting her to giggle at times. His mouth turned into a smirk as he looked up at her through his lashes, absolutely loving the sight.

"Fuck," she hissed when he placed a tender kiss on her clit. Bucky's eyes locked with hers as he just paused to breathe over her. Annelise was nearly shaking as she waited.

And then he delved his entire tongue inside of her, and her head rolled back; eyes fluttering shut, mouth gaping, gasping at the feeling of his mouth fucking her. She curled her fingers in his hair, simultaneously pulling him towards her, prompting him to go as deep as he could. The vibrations of his deep moans had her writhing.

His hands were wrapped around her thighs, holding her in place as he pulled at her swollen clit with his lips. One of his hands pulled at her leg, letting it drape over his shoulder, before it disappeared towards his lap. She couldn't see it, but she knew that he was stroking himself; getting off on getting her off. That thought alone almost sent her over the edge.

Right as she was about to reach her climax, Bucky pulled his mouth away from her; leaving her a whining and pouting mess on the kitchen counter. He smiled at her as he stood up, a smile that grew even wider once he realized that she was at the perfect height for him to fuck her right there. "Don't worry, doll." He said to her as he pulled his boxers down to his ankles and kicked them across the room. "I'm not finished with you."

With one hand on the base of his cock, and the other lifting her leg so that her ankle rested on his shoulder, Bucky began to rub the tip of his cock up and down her slippery cunt. Her back arched off of the counter; wanting, needing, praying that he would stop teasing her and give her what she wanted. Slowly, he pushed himself inside of her. Unlike the night before, he took his time. His cock throbbed against the inside of her, wanting nothing more than to completely ravish her. But despite himself, Bucky remained steady, wanting to savor the moment.

His metal hand grabbed a hold of one of her bouncing breasts, and he turned his head to pepper delicate kisses along her shin. Annelise dropped her leg from his shoulder shortly after and wrapped it around him, sitting up in the process so that they were now face-to-face. She cursed at the new position and wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders.

Bucky's lips instantly enveloped hers in a heated kiss. His teeth pulled at her bottom lip, leaving it swollen and bruised. She replied to the added roughness by dragging her nails down the length of his back, causing a low moan to escape his lips. He bit down on her shoulder, hard enough that she knew there would be a set of teeth marks in her skin for the next few days. His movements became more and more erratic with each passing second. The room echoed the sounds of his balls slapping against her ass and her pornographic moans.

"C-couch," she said through her breaths. Bucky nodded and lifted her with ease, his cock never leaving her pussy as he carried her to the couch. When the backs of his knees hit the leather sofa, he fell backwards, leaving Annelise to straddle him.

His hands cupped her ass as she grinded herself down onto him. She threw her head backwards; the feeling of him buried completely inside of her felt like heaven. With each thrust, he hit her core, pushing her that much closer to the edge. Her hair bounced as she rode him, and Bucky's face was buried in her chest. She wasn't the only one who was close.

"Buck!" She gasped, dropping her head to the crook of his neck. "Oh my God!"

"That's it," he coaxed her. The sound of his voice, his breath on her ear, his teeth grazing her earlobe; it all sent waves of pleasure crashing over her, making her toes curl and her body contract. She could see stars when she closed her eyes.

Bucky was right behind her, and with a few more pumps, was spilling inside of her; coating her walls with his hot cum. "Fuck," he breathed once he was finished.

She could only nod her head in agreement. There were no words that could describe the feeling. She reached under the coffee table, grabbed his boxers, and tossed them at him. When she stood up off of the couch, Bucky gave her ass a firm slap that was followed by a squeal and a giggle.

"I've got so much to do today," she told him as she picked up his shirt and threw that at him as well. "I can't believe it's Christmas Eve."

He sighed, realizing that his time with her might soon come to an end. And also at the realization that he also had his own agenda that needed to be attended to. "I still haven't gotten Steve a present."

Annelise poked her head around her door frame as she searched for something to wear. "I have to go shopping, too. Do you want to go together?"

His head quirked up at her question. "That'd be great," he told her with a smile. "Maybe we can go get some real breakfast."

"Aw," she pouted as she dug through her dresser drawers. "I wasn't good enough?"

"Trust me, doll." He replied as he stepped into her bedroom and searched from his jeans. "You were- are delicious." He came up behind her and placed a kiss on her shoulder.

The two found themselves weaving in and out of dozens of stores; most of which were almost completely empty. Annelise was only worried that they wouldn't have that matching, pink wallet for her mother's new Michael Kors bag. She dragged him through store after store, which he didn't seem to mind in the slightest, and picked up gifts for Rich, her parents, Daniel, and even a gift for Bianca- Daniel's fiancee. Bucky was still at a loss for what to get Steve. He had picked up American Flag printed ties, looked at getting him a new watch, and browsed over the shoe aisle because he thought a new pair of running shoes would be nice- but then he couldn't remember the size.

They stopped for breakfast at Annelise's favorite diner, and Deborah was surprised to see her two mornings in a row- and with a _friend_. Annelise ate from his plate, getting a taste of his blueberry pancakes, and he had a couple bites of her hashbrowns. She talked about work, and school, and how she was excited to be starting a new semester. They held hands as they walked down the crowded streets, and she couldn't help but feel like a giddy schoolgirl the entire time.

That was until Bucky stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk, bags in hand, staring at a sign that was taped to a newspaper bin. Annelise had to double back so that she could see what had caught his eye. It was a flyer for ice skating in Central Park. She had always wanted to go ice skating- she used to go often as a kid with her grandmother- but as an adult, she had never found anyone who wanted to go with her.

"We should do that." Bucky said.

"How about tomorrow?" She replied, checking the time. "It's getting late, and I have that potluck thing that I have to do with my family."

"Okay, tomorrow." He said with a nod.

"It's a date." She confirmed, causing him to smile.

He walked her back to her apartment, and like a gentleman, carried the bags for her. She had a lot of wrapping to do, and with a kiss, Bucky left her to it; promising that he would come back after she had gotten home from her dinner. The only people she had ever spent Christmas morning with were her family, and Sean, and Rich. She didn't know what it meant to spend Christmas morning with someone like Bucky. She didn't even know what Bucky was. A friend? Were they dating? What did that even mean?

When it came to this kind of shit, Annelise was overwhelmingly inexperienced. Before Sean she had 'friends'. Boys in college that were fun to share a bed with for the night or two, on the weekends mostly, and when Monday came it was over. That was a long time ago, though, and she wasn't even sure if people even did that anymore. Was there such a thing as friends with benefits for people over twenty-two? Is that what Bucky was?

She didn't know.

She tried not to think about it.

She didn't even know what she wanted from him.

The Beck-Widener Christmas Eve Potluck was much less extravagant than the Thanksgiving dinner, but still managed to draw a decent enough crowd that someone felt the need to hang a banner that read "Welcome to the Beck-Widener Christmas Eve Potluck" in big, sparkly letters over the front door. Annelise stood on the front steps, staring up at the giant display, wondering which member of the house staff was coerced by her mother to make such an obnoxious sign.

"What's the theme this year?" She mumbled to herself under her breath as she stepped through the french doors. As soon as she stepped inside, her senses were met with the mixed smell of too many Yankee Candles, and she made a mental note to take an Aspirin before she contracted a migraine. One of them- a green jar aptly named "Bundle Up"- sat on the small table by the door. The catering crew were passing out glasses of eggnog, which she declined with a frown.

Her parents' house looked like the scene of an elf genocide; thousands of feet of red and white tinsel lined nearly every surface, there were candy canes everywhere, and different colored lights were hung along the walls. She noticed Daniel standing by the Christmas tree; Bianca wasn't far from, making herself at home on the couch with a plate of hors d'oeuvres.

"It looks like Santa's elves were murdered in here," she whispered as she joined him at his side. He nearly choked on his champagne, giving his sister a wide-eyed glance to signal her that their mother wasn't far. "I don't care if she hears me. This is so over-the-top."

Almost as if on cue, Carol Beck broke away from the conversation she was having to give her daughter a tight hug. "My darling daughter!" She exclaimed. "I'm so glad you could make it."

After she was paraded around to her family like a doll- answering questions that were much too personal for first cousins and aunts and uncles she barely ever saw- the entire family sat around the living room waiting to open the dozens of presents that sat under the tree. The children went first, excitedly tearing through wrapping paper for new toys. Carol went second; opening all of the gifts that people had brought for her, saving the present from her children for last. She was so excited; smiling from ear to ear as she examined the bag that she had asked for. Annelise added a few gift cards to her mother's favorite stores as a bonus- it was rude to give an empty wallet as a gift.

She shared a high-five with her twin, knowing that they did good this year.

Annelise decided to save her gifts for last, waiting until mostly everyone had left until she began opening them. It was just her immediate family now, lounging around the fireplace; the catering crew in the background, cleaning up the mess left by their guests. Daniel and Bianca were curled up together on the love seat. Daniel obviously having had enjoyed too much champagne. Her mother was on the couch next to her, and her father was in his favorite recliner.

She pulled the tissue paper from a bag that her brother had handed her. "Are these-" she began, her voice trailing off when she pulled new pallets of watercolor paints from her gift bag. "How did you know that I needed new paint?"

He shrugged with a lazy smile on his face. "You mentioned it a while ago that you needed to pick some up at the craft store." He said. "Knowing you, you never got to it."

"You're right, I didn't." Annelise jumped from the couch to wrap her arms around her brother's neck. "Daniel Beck, you are a punk in every sense of the word but I love you so much sometimes."

Her mother and father showered her with gift cards, which she appreciated after having to tell them year after year that gift cards were better than them buying something she'd never use or wear. It seemed as if this year, they had finally gotten it right.

"Oh, there's one more for you, Annie." Her mother said. "Sean dropped this off earlier, asked me to give it to you."

She felt her blood go cold as her mother pulled a small box from underneath the tree. It was wrapped in gold paper. Carol dropped the box in her daughter's hand with a smile, not knowing what she was doing. Annelise could practically feel the words about to spill from her mouth in a giant tangent about why she broke up with Sean, about him stumbling into her apartment in the middle of the night, about him trying to force himself onto her. But she swallowed the words back down and gave her mother a tiny smile. Her eyes accidentally locked with her brother's. He knew something was wrong, but unfortunately being born six minutes apart meant that they weren't blessed with twin telepathy.

She was the first to leave; promising to call more often and stop by on occasion- neither of which she would actually do. She held that box in her hands the entire way home, not sure if she should open it or toss it in the nearest garbage can on some street corner. Her fingers traced over the lines where the edges of the paper met and were taped together. Sean always had been an expert at wrapping gifts, which was why he wrapped them every year. Annelise sighed, he wasn't even around and yet he was still ruining her night.

As promised, Bucky was waiting for her when she walked through the door.

"I used the spare key," He said. "I hope you don't mind."

She didn't say anything; only tossed her bags on the floor, not even caring to put the contents where they belonged- she could do it later- and then sat that stupid, gold box on the island counter top. She straddled Bucky's lap, her hands already working on the buttons of the flannel shirt that he was wearing. Her dress rode up over her thighs, and he could easily see the lace panties that she was wearing underneath. His body was already beginning to react to her.

"Fuck me," she instructed him once she had undone the very last button. She didn't care that Sean was still on her mind. He was here, and she needed something to take her mind off of it.

Bucky didn't need to hear anything else. He stood up, holding her to his chest, and carried her in the direction of her bedroom, kicking the door shut behind them.

* * *

 **sorry that it was so long, i kind of got carried away.**

 **i love you, don't be mad at me.**

 **musical inspiration:**

 **1\. dangerous woman - ariana grande**

 **2\. baptize - rkcb**

 **3\. fallingforyou - the 1975**

 **4\. have yourself a merry little christmas -christina perri**

 **if you aren't listening to the playlists what are you even doing?**

 **reviews** (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ **please?**


	12. It's A Date

**thank you guys so much for helping me surpass fifty reviews! i love you guys! Thank you to: lourdes1694, Veggie's Onna, Lara Barnes, ILoveThee, Guest, and Maggie Smith. Where did everyone else go!? I miss you!**

 **i can't believe all yall are worried about sean. fuck that guy forreal.**

* * *

"Merry Christmas, doll."

Her eyes fluttered open at the sound of his voice. His arm was draped over her side, holding her flush against him; his mouth peppered kisses over her bare shoulder. Her heart beat quickened and a smile tugged at the corners of her lips. His stubbled chin tickled her skin, and she could feel the goosebumps forming and the hair on her arms stand up.

It was snowing. The city was covered in a layer of white as tiny snowflakes fell from the grey skies. At least an inch had already piled up on the outside of her window. Frost glazed over her window panes, but she was completely warm; her bed was like a small island, and Bucky was the sun. For the moment, there was no where else she'd rather be.

There was no Christmas tree, no chestnuts roasting on an open fire, no stockings hung up on the fireplace. Yet somehow this felt like the best Christmas morning she had ever had. Bucky's calloused hand smoother over her skin, and he buried his face deep in her hair.

"Merry Christmas." She yawned, turning on her back so that she could see him.

Bucky was on his side, propped up on his elbow. A small smile graced his lips. He was the image of perfection, and she didn't want to admit that she would be happy waking up to his face every morning, but she definitely would have been. She couldn't help smiling when she looked at him; hair disheveled, sleep crusted his eyes still. He ducked his head, capturing her lips with his in a passionate kiss that gave her butterflies.

She found herself having to pull away; needed to breathe. Bucky's kisses often left her gasping for air. "I got you something," she mumbled against his lips.

Annelise rolled back over, reaching over the edge of the bed to pull out a small gift bag. It was red with little, silver stars all over, and white tissue paper was sticking out at the top. Bucky gaped at the bag, obviously not expecting a gift.

"You didn't have to get me anything." He said, and then he frowned. "I didn't get you anything."

She placed a firm kiss on the metal of his shoulder, loving the cool sensation against her lips. "Well, I didn't really want anything but you." He smiled, not really knowing what to do but stare at the bag. "Are you going to open it?"

He nodded, but before he opened his gift, he surprised her with a kiss. She giggled as he cradled her face in his hands, placing kiss on her forehead, nose, lips, cheeks. Everywhere that he could place his lips, he did so. She was eager as he pulled the tissue paper out of the bag and glanced down at the items. Bucky let out a light laugh, a small smile grew on his lips.

"It's for when you decide to stay over." She talked of the blue and red toothbrush that he was inspecting. "I thought it would be a good idea to keep one here, so you can keep those pearly whites nice and pearly. It's even got a tongue brush on the back of it!"

"They made toothbrushes high-tech, too?" He asked, running his fingers over the bristles.

"I highly doubt a tongue brush qualifies as high-tech." She replied with a grin.

"I'm going to go use this right now," he said moving to crawl out of the bed. She loved that he was so excited about a simple toothbrush. And she was proud of herself for not overdoing it. She wanted to get him a cellphone, but Tony had already confirmed that the team already had it covered.

Before he could get all the way up, she pulled him back down to her. "Do I get a thank you?" She asked, straddling his hips. The only thing separating them was the thin fabric of his boxers, and he could already feel how wet she was as she situated herself on top of him.

He placed his hands on her hips, trying not to fall victim to her ways. But his eyes rolled back into his head, and his cheeks flushed, and he could feel the hair begin to stand up on the back of his neck. Not to mention his throbbing cock that had a mind of it's own. Bucky hissed as he felt himself beginning to press hard against her. "I'll thank you later, trust me." Playfully, he pushed her off of him. "I'm just so excited about this new toothbrush."

Annelise pouted and whined, obviously wanting her _gift_ right then and there. But then crawled from the bed and made her way into the kitchen. the sounds of running water could be heard from the bathroom, followed by the sounds of Bucky brushing his teeth. She smiled at the thought as she popped a K-cup in her coffee maker. But then something caught her eye; a golden gift box, sitting atop her counter. She stared at it for a minute as she waited for the water to heat up, thinking about all of the things it could possibly be.

 _Open it._

 _No, don't._

 _What if it's a really expensive piece of jewelry?_

 _What if it's laced with anthrax? Don't open it._

She just stood there, her water long having been warmed for her coffee, her eyes fixed on that box. She didn't notice Bucky standing next to her until he waved a hand in front of her face. She jumped, realizing that she had been in a trance, and immediately turned back to the coffee that she had forgotten about.

"Are you alright?" He asked her as he leaned against the counter.

"I'm fine," she nodded in return as she emptied a few packets of sugar into her cup. She glanced up at him to give him a reassuring smile. "Just spaced out for a minute. It's nothing."

He smiled in return, but he definitely wasn't buying it. "Who's that from?"

"What?"

"This," he asked as he picked up the box. "To Annie," his eyes squinted at the handwriting that was scribbled on the gift tag. "Love Sean? Who's Sean?"

She really didn't want to have this conversation. Not now. Not ever. It wasn't just the fact that Bucky was the one asking- though, that was a huge part of it- she just didn't want to have this conversation with anyone. But Bucky didn't look like he was ready to drop the issue, and he deserved to know about her life if they were going to be…

Involved?

"Sean is my ex-boyfriend." She stated simply, hoping that would be a good enough answer. But the look that Bucky was giving her made it obvious that he was waiting for more. "He dropped that off at my parent's house because he knew that if he tried giving it to me in person, I'd tell him to shove it up his ass."

Bucky chuckled and then he just seemed more curious. "What happened?" He asked, though she wished he hadn't. "Between the two of you."

"He cheated on me," she shrugged. It was just now occurring to her that this was the first time she had talked about it since she told Rich the second she left Sean's loft that day. It didn't feel like she thought it would. Finally talking about it didn't relieve her. It didn't feel like she let the cat out of the bag. It still hurt. "We had been dating for four years, and things weren't great, but I never expected that."

Bucky closed the gap between them, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and placing a kiss on the top of her head. "You never told me that."

"It's not important." She told him, shrugging under his heavy arms. "He's not a part of my life anymore."

"Obviously he is." Bucky replied, motioning to the box. He pulled away from her and placed his hands on either side of her face, making her look up at him. "I'm not very good at reading people, but even I can tell that you're upset about it. It's okay if it still hurts."

"I'm not upset about it." She replied with a bite.

Bucky nodded his head, deciding that is was probably best to drop it before they ended up having their first fight. Annelise reached over to the little box and picked it up. She took a step around Bucky and dropped the present into the trash can. Again, she thought that would make her feel relieved. Like throwing away his gift meant she was throwing away Sean. But that wasn't what it felt like.

"See?" She asked him. She stood on her toes and puckered her lips at him, silently asking for a kiss, which he happily returned. "Aren't we supposed to be going on a date?"

Her foot hovered over the ice and she began to regret agreeing to let Bucky take her ice skating. She hadn't done this since she was about ten years old, and she had already seen at least four different people fall since she had been standing there. Bucky assured her that he wouldn't let her fall. He had said it about a dozen times, but then he mentioned that he had never been ice skating, and she began to question if he would actually be able to keep her upright at all times.

She stepped out onto the ice, making sure to hold on to the railing as her feet tried to slide out from underneath her. Bucky went out at full force, and she was amazed at how he didn't even need to try. Of course he would be good at it, he was a damn super soldier after all. He was good at everything. She giggled at the sight of such a big man gliding around with his pretty, white skates, like he was some Olympic skater.

He held his hand out to her once he was done showing off, trying to coax her from the wall. "Come on, you'll be fine." He said. "If I have to, I'll just pull you around the whole time."

Bucky held her hands out in front of her, and she was skeptical at first, but she allowed him to lead her out into the middle of the rink. Their breaths were visible in the air, swirling up around them as they skated around in small circles until she was comfortable to go out on her own. But just when she thought she had it, her knees began to shake beneath her, and her feet became all too aware that they were on ice, and she began teetering to the side.

But he was right there, and he held her at the waist, making sure that she didn't fall. She looked up at him, and their eyes connected, and the snow was still falling around them. She could have sworn she was in some kind of romance movie. It was just too perfect. It didn't seem real. There was no way that this could be happening, that she could find someone after Sean, and that he could treat her the way that she deserved to be treated. There was no way that this man would never want to hurt her, and that they could actually be happy.

He leaned downwards, closing the gap between them and kissing her as soft as ever. His lips were warm against her cold ones and tasted of strawberry ChapStick. Her mind went blank as she focused on that kiss, on how warm his hands were, and how it felt like everything was in slow motion. It probably would have been a good idea to make sure that they were completely stopped before they decided to start making out in the middle of the rink, because one wrong move and Bucky was headed straight for the ice and pulling her down with him.

"Shit!" He yelled as his back collided with the cold ice.

Annelise rubbed her elbow that had taken the brunt of her fall. But when she looked at her partner, she couldn't help but laugh. This made Bucky laugh in return and they garnered some strange looks from the other skaters, but neither of them seemed to care.

"Oh no, I think you broke the rink." She laughed, pointing to a giant crack in the ice where Bucky's metal arm had come into contact with it.

"Oops." He replied with a shrug and a smile.

"Come here," Annelise laughed. Bucky leaned into her and she gave him yet another kiss; his lips were practically irresistible. "You're so damn cute."

"Are we interrupting something?"

Bucky pulled away from her and his eyes immediately widened. Annelise turned her head to see none other than the entire roster of Avengers, including Tony Stark, and even Vision. They were all dressed in their best winter clothes. Sam was still struggling to catch up with the rest of his team, wobbling around as he tried to skate.

"What are you guys doing here?" Bucky asked his friends.

"It was Tony's idea." Steve replied. "Plus, we never have the time to go out together anymore. You two look like you're having fun." Captain America gave his friend a sly smile.

"Yeah, we were." Bucky said with annoyance. Annelise gently placed her hand over his to let him know that it was okay that his friends had crashed their first 'official' date. "But then Two-Left-Feet over here had to go and trip us up." He smiled at her, and she felt her insides flutter.

"You were the one who pulled me down with _you_ , after you specifically promised that you would make sure I didn't fall!" She teased back.

"Yeah, yeah." Bucky replied as he leaned over to kiss her again.

"Well, we won't bother you." Steve said. "I'll make sure they leave you lovebirds alone."

That didn't last long, as the team was hell bent on pestering the couple and joking about how cute the two of them were. Sam especially, and Bucky would retaliate by knocking the Falcon's legs out from underneath him whenever he could. Wanda skated around effortlessly, and Vision followed her wherever she went. Natasha and Steve were trying their hardest; Nat was obviously the better skater, and they were playing 'who can stay upright the longest'. Annelise had ten bucks on Nat, and Bucky obviously bet on his best friend.

Annelise won that one.

When she felt her feet begin to hurt, she joined Tony on the bench on the outside of the rink. He had changed out of his skates a while ago, and they sat beside him on the ground. He seemed much more content watching the rest of his family have all of the fun. She got two warm, apple ciders and handed one to the older man.

"Thanks," he said with a lopsided grin.

It was silent between the two. She watched as they all skated around, falling over each other, laughing. Bucky especially, who seemed as if he was having the most fun he had ever had. Her heart smiled at the sight of him. His laugh was loud, his smile was wide, and for once it seemed as if he had completely forgotten about all of the hurt and pain he had once felt.

"Well this is awfully fun, but-" Tony spoke as he stood to his feet. "I'm going to go try Pepper again." His smile had long faded, but he remained with his usual confident facade. "Keep an eye on them for me, will you?"

Annelise nodded, wishing him a Merry Christmas before he headed to his car. She turned her attention back to the team, who were now playing some newly invented game of Chicken, but on ice. Natasha was on Steve's shoulders, and Wanda was on Sam's. Bucky and Vision were the referees. It didn't seem safe at all, but if anyone could pull it off, it was them.

The cider was nearly cold by now, but she held it in her hands as if somehow it would regain it's heat. She watched Bucky the entire time; she watched him interact with his friends, she watched his body language. No one was forcing him to have fun. He was doing it on his own, and he was genuinely enjoying himself. And he was doing it without her. Sure, she was there, but she remained on the sidelines.

He caught her staring, and flashed her a smile before returning to the game. Her chest tightened. Those pesky butterflies returned. And her cheeks grew warm. If this was four years ago, she may have loved Bucky Barnes. But it wasn't four years ago, the timing was way off, and she wasn't sure if she believed in love anymore.

Bucky was right about everything. Sean was still a part of her life; what he did to her still lingered in her mind, it still hurt, and it changed her in the worst way. It destroyed her confidence, ruined her ability to fully trust someone, and destroyed her ideas of how relationships should be. She was terrified of getting hurt again, and she hated it, because all she wanted to do was dive right into to everything Bucky had to offer.

And then it hit her.

She didn't know what their label was because there was no label. She didn't _want_ a label. She didn't want anything. Nothing. Nada. Zip. She didn't want any part of it. She didn't want dates; ice skating in Central Park, or shopping together, or sharing breakfast together. She wasn't ready for any of it. If she kept it up, she'd end up falling in love, and if she fell in love, she'd end up getting hurt. She just knew it. She could feel it in the soul of her soul.

No matter how bad she wanted it, this had to end.

It had to end tonight.

It wouldn't be easy, because she really wanted it to work. She wanted to wake up to Bucky's face everyday, she wanted to be able to cook him crepes, she wanted to look into those eyes forever. But with her luck, they'd be together for a few years, and she'd come home to find him fucking some random teenage bimbo. Even if she _knew_ that Bucky wasn't that type of guy, she still thought of the worst. Years and years of studying the human brain and she still wasn't at all close to finding out why people- especially her- projected their negativity onto everything.

And it was so early, too.

It was better to nip it in the bud before it even started.

Natasha was the first one off the ice. She came barreling towards the exit, trying to slow down before she ended up colliding with the wall. She grabbed hold of the railing, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath, and her feet trying to sturdy themselves. Annelise couldn't help but laugh at her friend's misfortune.

"I'm never doing this again," Nat said. Annelise only smiled at her nodding as she helped her step onto solid ground. "You'd think I would be good at it because I'm Russian."

Steve, Sam, and Bucky were next. Wanda and Vision were still in their own little world; skating around like they were figure skaters doing a routine to their own, imaginary music. Bucky sat next to Annelise and began unlacing his skates, commenting on how they needed to come back again before the rink closed.

"We were going to go grab a bite to eat," Steve said to them as they walked through the park towards the street. "Sam wants breakfast food. You two are welcome to join us."

"I think I'm just going to head home," Annelise said. She could see Bucky turn his head to her out of the corner of her eye. "I'm really tired."

Steve looked over to his best friend with his brows raised. "I'll catch up to you guys in a minute," Bucky said and the team headed off in the direction of the nearest diner.

There was a cab already waiting on the curb. Annelise poked her head in to let the driver know to go ahead and start the meter, and that she'd be a minute. It was now or never.

"I had such a great time tonight," she told Bucky. She wanted to make this quick, but he wasn't making it any easier on her with that beautiful smile.

"I'm glad." He told her. "I was afraid that when those idiots showed up, you'd be upset." She let out a tiny laugh, and dropped her gaze down to the ground. There was no easy way for her to say it. "Hey, you okay?"

She looked back up at him, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth. "You were right, earlier." She said. "About Sean. About how it still hurts." Absentmindedly, she chewed on the inside of her cheek, thinking of how to say this without destroying their friendship. "Look, Buck, I just- I don't want-" a sigh escaped her throat. "I don't know if I can do this- us, or whatever this is. I'm not sure if I'm ready for a 'relationship' or- whatever you want to call it."

Bucky was at a loss for words.

"I enjoy spending time with you. I enjoy the sex, a lot. But- I don't want- I don't want to get hurt, first of all. And I don't want to hurt you, either. And I'm just not ready for anything serious." She was rambling now, and she needed to stop before she got carried away and ended up saying something worse than what she had already said.

She opened the door to the taxi and could feel the heat rush up around her. Bucky just stood where he was, mouth slightly parted, wanting to say something but not knowing what.

"Annelise, wait." He said, grabbing a hold of her hand before she could slide into the cab.

She turned around to face him with tears brimming in her eyes. This was the second time she had seen that look in his eye. He didn't understand, but if this was what she wanted, then he was going to give her the space she needed until she figured things out. All he could do was hope that she wouldn't find someone else, or go back to her ex-boyfriend, or realize that he wasn't what she wanted.

He leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss on her cheek. A tear fell from the corner of her eye and he could taste the salt on his lips. "I'll see you soon."

Annelise did two things as soon as she got home. First, she kicked off her shoes and went to the coffee pot to make herself a new pot. Then, as she was waiting for it to begin brewing, she walked over to the trash can and dug out that tiny, golden box. Ultimately, she wanted to throw it right out the window and scream as she did it. This was her problem, because as much as she wanted to do that, she just couldn't. She needed closure. She needed to get rid of him.

Underneath the gold paper was another box- a black, velvet box that was smooth to the touch. The hinges squeaked as she slowly pulled the box apart to reveal a beautiful, diamond studded infinity necklace. Her fingers smoothed over the white gold and diamonds, silently hoping that this could have been a gift from someone else.

But it was from Sean, and she couldn't accept it.

Her phone vibrated in her back pocket. An unknown number popped up on the screen along with a text message: " _Everyone pitched in and got me this cellphone for Christmas. Sam is teaching me how to use it. I hope you got home safely -Bucky."_

A few minutes later, another message popped up: " _Sam says I don't need to say that it's me on these texts because your phone tells you that it's me. How does it know? Technology is so strange now."_

Annelise smiled at her phone and sent him a text back. She let him know that she did get home safely, and that phones remember phone numbers which makes it easier to communicate. She also told him to send her a picture as soon as he could figure out how to work the camera.

There was so much more that she wanted to say, but she left it at that. She crawled into bed with tears still in her eyes and pulled her covers up to her chin. Bucky sent her one more text before he said goodnight; he said that it took him a while, but he figured out the camera. He sent her a picture of his friends all shoved into a booth at a Waffle House. Sam was making a funny face, Natasha and Steve were smiling wide. Everyone was laughing, and the picture was a little blurry, but it made her smile.

It didn't matter how she felt, as long as he was happy.

And it finally seemed like he was.

* * *

 **before you guys totally get mad at annelise AGAIN, i just want you to know that her indecisiveness comes from being hurt. she wants to take that chance, and she wants to be happy, but sean keeps fucking her up and she can't get over it. so you can look forward to her trying to figure out a way to finally get over that stupid asshole. and maybe bucky will help? idk /smiles/**

 **musical inspiration is provided by:**

 **1\. here comes the sun - the beatles**

 **2\. a new york christmas - rob thomas**

 **3\. wintersong - sarah mclachlan**

 **reviews would be great. it's about to get cray up in here.**

 **ALSO! if you haven't seen already, i started a short story called Let Me Love You and it's totally about bucky, and there's totally going to be a crap ton of smut and omg i'm just in love with it. the first chapter is already up, and the second chapter will be up tomorrow night! so go check it out!**


	13. Resolutions

**before i even being writing this next chapter, i have to say something to Elizabeth. I'm not mad at the lovely review that she left, i guess i just don't understand it? i wish that she had an account that i could reply to her privately, but she doesn't. so i have to reply to her very publicly, which i am sorry for.**

 **obviously, elizabeth, you must have a very level head on your shoulders. you must always know what you want. and it must be completely insane to believe that maybe there are some people out there in the world, fictional or not, that may not be exactly like you. i don't know if you've ever been in a relationship, or if you've ever been hurt by someone that you loved, but it completely fucks you up as a person. especially if you had done absolutely nothing wrong. implying that my main character (or any woman for that matter) deserved to be cheated on, is absolutely disgusting. no one deserves to be hurt. and i don't care if this is a completely fictional story, which it is.**

 **speaking from personal experience, loving someone who does not appreciate you, and doing everything that you can possibly do for this person only for them to hurt you... it changes you. it destroyed my confidence, making me believe that i would never ever be good enough for the next person. and it also made me believe that every single man in the world was going to do the same exact thing. i wish i could at least take a fucking risk like annelise could, but i can't, because that's how much it scares me to try and fall in love again.**

 **and she's a fucking psychologist for fucks sake. she knows all about the human mind. she's studied it for years, and still is. yet, she can't fucking comprehend how to fucking get over someone who broke her heart into a million pieces because that's how fucking bad it is. and imagine not being able to tell your own fucking family about it because they love the guy! so they invite him to thanksgiving and accept his christmas gifts and he's still a very present part of your life even though you want nothing to do with him!**

 **maybe that's why she can't fucking move on with bucky. maybe she has to get over him on her own! maybe now that shes done her job, which is make bucky happier (a little) she can focus on herself and make herself happier! maybe the tables are turned and bucky has to fix her? but if you don't want to continue to read how it's going to turn out, that's fine. but please, don't leave your derogatory comments on my review page. no woman deserves that. ever.**

 **moving on:**

* * *

The party was extravagant to say the very least.

Annelise had never been to one of Tony's all-out, celebrity infused, red carpet events. She had only heard about them on the radio; 'Which Big Name Celebrity Was Caught By The Paparazzi Leaving The Stark Tower'. There was a reason she never attended, despite always being invited. It was just that parties like these, and the ones her parents threw occasionally, made her realize just how much she didn't belong.

It was better here, among a thousand people, because the eight that she knew were all in one, big group; doing exactly what she was trying to do- avoid everyone else.

Steve and Sam were playing pool, Rhodey and Clint were on the couches talking about politics, Vision was trying his hardest to blend in, and even Scott Lang had decided to show up; sticking closer to Sam and Steve more than anyone.

And Tony was- well, he was Tony. He was the man of the hour, floating around to each individual person and thanking them for coming. Probably joking about how stupid it all was, and pretending to be humble about it. But she knew that it was all a show, and that deep down inside, Tony was a sad man.

"I can't believe your brother is getting married." Nat called over the music, pulling her friend back to reality.

This girls were all together, gossiping about other teammates and why that A-List celeb chose to wear that outfit. Natasha was sitting next to Clint, leaning into his side, with a beer bottle in one hand. She was already working on making this a night that she wouldn't remember come tomorrow, and Annelise promised her friends that she would stay sober so that she could keep her, and them, from doing anything particularly stupid.

"Don't remind me." Annelise replied, making a face. "One minute he's infatuated with you, and the next, he's got some nineteen year old pre-law student wrapped around his neck."

"I'm just glad he's moved on." Nat claimed.

"Speaking of moving on," Wanda interrupted. "What's going on with you and Bucky?"

Before Annelise could answer, Natasha piped up for her. "They've been texting." The redhead stated, rolling her eyes. "Like, every second of the day. Haven't you seen him on his phone? The thing never leaves his sight."

Annelise couldn't help but blush.

She had yet to see him tonight, and was disappointed that he wasn't there. He was the only reason she put on that itchy, sequined dress that she was wearing and did her hair all up. He was the only reason she was here in the first place. Earlier he had texted her, letting her know that he was excited to see her tonight, and yet- he was nowhere to be found.

"God, this dress is so itchy!" She blurted, trying to change the subject.

She had already heard an earful from Natasha earlier. 'I don't want you to miss out on what could be the best thing that ever happened to you', she said. And 'Bucky doesn't deserve to wait forever, even though he would'. She already felt bad enough as it is, she didn't need her friends making her feel worse. Natasha's words were heavy, and Annelise knew that they were true. It was just so hard to give him what he deserved, when she still feels like she deserves nothing; all because of some asshole guy.

Was it fair that she was projecting Sean's flaws on to Bucky? Absolutely not.

Was she still going to do it? Of course.

The unexplainable part of her brain just couldn't help it. She was hardwired to find every, little seed of doubt and plant them until her mind was overgrown with it; turning everything into something more complicated than it needed to be. It was just who she was, and has been all of her life.

Her phone vibrated inside of the tiny clutch that she had at her side. She dug for it, desperate for a message from Bucky explaining where he was and why she hadn't seen him yet. But when she slid her thumb across the bottom of the screen, there were only three words.

Three words that made her chest tighten, and her heart speed up.

 _"You look beautiful"._

Avoiding the look Natasha was giving her out of the corner of her eye, Annelise craned her neck to see Bucky; as beautiful as ever, standing against the pool table with his eyes locked on her. She felt a chill run down her spine, and time stop for a moment. It was as if they were the only two in the room.

"Just look at the two of them," She heard Natasha behind her as time began to speed up. "It's sickening."

Annelise turned her attention back to her friends; trying to keep her emotions in check.

"Not as sickening as you and Banner used to be." Clint replied.

"Agreed." Maria also added.

Natasha frowned, and shared a look with Annelise before she stood up and sauntered off towards the bar. She made a mental note to check on her already intoxicated friend later, before she did something that she regretted.

"Hey, Annie!" Steve called from the pool table. Bucky's head whipped up when he heard her name being called. She politely excused herself from the others and joined the Captain at his side. "I didn't know you were here, you look great!" He told her, dropping down to place a kiss on her cheek.

She blushed, and tried to hide it with a smile. "Thank you, how are you? Team Falcon still beating your ass?"

Sam came up behind Steve and held his hand up for a high-five, which she proudly returned. "How about a partner's game? Team Falcon versus team- I don't trust Wanda to not move the ball with her witchy voodoo so, Buck, you in?"

She turned to look at Bucky, who was standing quietly off to the side. He was pretending to listen to Scott talk about his home life in California, but really he was too busy thinking about what he wanted to do later, and who he wanted to do it with.

"Ten bucks says he's too much of a pussy," Sam muttered in her ear as Bucky contemplated whether or not he actually wanted to play. "Did they even have billiards back in the 1800's?"

She couldn't help but laugh.

"You know what, Sam?" Bucky asked as he unbuttoned his suit jacket. "You're on, but don't get pissy when we beat your ass."

Steve lined the balls up for the lag, and Sam handed her a stick; giving her words of encouragement as she rounded the table to stand next to Bucky. She had done this a thousand times with her dad when they used to play on the table in the den, so there was nothing that she should have been worried about.

But standing next to Bucky was different. The way he bent over the table with his pool stick lined up against the ball, made her think about him bending her over the table. The way she accidentally brushed against his side made her remember how it felt to be touched by him; the way his hands felt gripping her hips and pulling her in. He smelled like aftershave, and she thought about the way his skin smelled when it was slick with sweat, and naked, pressed up against her.

It didn't help that she was paying more attention to the way his fingers curled around the pool stick, more than she was paying attention to Steve. So when it came time to hit the ball, and she completely missed, and Bucky won the first shot for Team Rogers-Barnes, Sam began to wonder if there was going to be a problem.

"I'm sorry," she told The Falcon as she handed the stick over to him. "I got distracted."

"Well snap out of it," he replied. "I got money on this."

Team Falcon ultimately lost. It came down the the number eight ball, and it was just a matter of who got their turn at it first, which was Steve, and he effortless sunk it into the right corner pocket. Annelise played the game as best she could, despite Bucky's striking, blue eyes on her almost every second.

He came to tell her that she played a good game, but before he could make his way to her- weaving in and out of people who had congregated to watch the game- she leaned over to Sam and said, "I'm going to go find Natasha, make sure she's not making out with some weirdo."

And his eyes watched as she took off through the crowd, making a line towards the bar where Natasha had been. Only, she wasn't there- or anywhere in sight- and she started to panic. _What if someone had taken her?_ She thought. _No, the security is too high._

She had to be here, somewhere.

"Hey, have you seen Natasha?" She asked Tony after running into him.

"No, I haven't." He replied. "She's a big girl, she can take care of herself."

"Tony, she's probably one drink away from passing out right about now, and I want to make sure that she's not getting date-raped or something."

He just stood there and blinked a few times before rolling his eyes. "If anyone knows where she is, it's Clint." Tony put his hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face the direction that Clint and the rest of the group were in. "Why don't you go ask him?"

As she approached the couches, she saw no Natasha, but Sam and the other three boys had made it over to the rest of the group. She tried not to look at Bucky sitting there in his perfectly fitted suit, with his leg crossed over the other, and glass of whiskey in his hand.

But it was impossible not to look.

Her eyes were thirsty, and he was the fountain that kept on giving.

He picked up on her worry immediately, and wanted to ask if something was wrong, but Clint beat him to it.

"Hey, have you seen Nat?" He asked.

"I cam to ask you the same thing." She replied.

Before Clint could even stand up off of the couch, Nat had come stumbling through the crowd, falling over the couch and landing on Steve's lap. "Oh, _hi there_." Annelise and Clint shared a look, and went to help Nat to her feet. "I am perfe- I am perfectly fine wh-where I am, thank you verymuch." The Widow slurred.

"It's fine, I got her." Steve said to the two of them.

Nat looked up at the Captain and giggled, and then her eyes moved over to Bucky. "James." She said, drawing his name out with a sultry rasp. "Did I ever tell you how much I missed you after you left the Red Room?"

Annelise's heart dropped to the floor.

"You know I don't remember that, Natasha." He replied.

"Well, if you ever need help remembering, you just let me know, handsome." Nat reached up and ran her fingers through Steve's hair. "You're so cute, did you know that?"

"Nat, maybe we should get you to bed?" Annelise interjected, not wanting to hear or see anymore.

"I don't want to go to bed!" She cried. "I want to dance!" Then she looked at Bucky, and Annelise could feel a fire rise up in her chest. "Will you dance with me?" She asked him, giving him a full pout. "Is he allowed to dance with me, Beck?"

 _No, definitely not!_ She yelled back in her head.

"He doesn't need permission from me, Nat." She faked laughed, trying her hardest to not sound controlling.

And just like that, the redhead scrambled to her feet and pulled Bucky off towards the dance floor. At first, she wanted to cry. And then she wanted to punch someone. But finally she said, "I need a drink", and disappeared towards the bar.

They had been dancing for over thirty minutes. Which begged the question, how does someone _that_ drunk dance for _that_ long without throwing up?

"I can feel your jealousy from over there," Wanda commented as she took a seat next to Annelise. "You know she doesn't mean any harm."

"I know," she replied. "I just can't help it."

"If you feel that strongly about him," Wanda started, and Annelise opened her mouth to say something but the Witch cut her off. "Don't say you don't, because I can _feel_ it, and I'm not even tuned into you." She continued. "You should tell him."

"It's complicated," Annelise sighed.

"Is it?" Wanda asked, and then stood up from the bar stool and made her way over to where Vision was talking to some people.

She turned her attention away for Bucky and Natasha and went to get some fresh air. The alcohol and body heat was making her feel claustrophobic, and she really just wanted to get out of there.

It didn't take him long to notice that Annelise was no longer in her seat at the bar. His eyes searched the crowd for her, until he noticed that she was making her way on to the balcony. Natasha was trying her hardest to get his attention back on to her, but he just couldn't take it any longer.

"I'm going to walk you back to the couch, okay?" He told her, and she nodded.

He slung her arm over his shoulder and carried her over to Steve, knowing that he would take care of her. His actions were hurried, because he didn't want to miss what could be the only opportunity he had with Annelise.

"I need to throw up," she groaned.

"I'll take her." Steve said, taking her from Bucky's arms.

"Thanks, man."

She was standing on the balcony, looking out at the city. Her arms were wrapped around herself, hands rubbing up and down her skin to create some sort of heat. She probably shouldn't have been out here, especially dressed like that, but she felt better than she had all night.

The celebration in Times Square could be heard, and she knew that it wouldn't be long before it was the new year. And that meant that she needed to figure out what she wanted her resolution to be. Most years it was to be healthier, quit the coffee, spend more time with her parents…

Maybe this year it should be something along the lines of staying away from Bucky. Or not staying away. She didn't know. Maybe her resolution should be to figure it out.

"Finally got you alone." He said as he stepped out on to the balcony. His voice had startled her, causing her to jump just a little. She wasn't expecting anyone to come out. But of course he was there. He couldn't make it easy on her.

"I just needed some air." She replied. A thick fog swirled around her from where her warm breath touched the December air. "I'm not a fan of crowds."

"Could've fooled me."

Bucky slid out of his suit jacket and hung it around her shoulders. She nearly melted in the warmth that suddenly surrounded her, and the smell of faint cologne that lingered. She looked up at him, and it was a mistake; the way his eyes twinkled in the lights on New York City, the way his lips were parted ever-so-slightly. She couldn't look away, and she knew she was in trouble. She was in way, too deep.

"The countdown is about to start," he barely spoke. Her eyes were locked on his lips until they fluttered up to his eyes. "We should probably go inside."

It was silent for a moment between them, the only sounds that could be heard was the music from inside, and the crowd on the street. She could hear her heart beating in her chest, drowning out all the other sounds as she took a deep breath and swallowed the knot that had formed in her throat.

"I'm never going to be able to stay away from you," she whispered.

And before he could say anything else, she pushed herself up on her tippy-toes and placed her lips on his. He kissed her back fiercely, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her as close as he could. Neither one of them cared if the whole world was watching.

The countdown started in the background. A thousand people all over the city chanted in unison; _ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one_.

Fireworks rang through the air, and she pulled away from him, watching as they came to life above the city. He was watching her, completely in awe by how beautiful she was. Her face lit up a thousand different colors, eyes as big as the sky as she watched in amazement.

"Hey," he said softly. "Let's get out of here."

She turned to him and nodded her head. He held out his hand and she took it, allowing him to lead her back inside and through the crowd. They stopped at the elevator, and Bucky reached around her to press the button that would taken them to the next floor.

They could feel the eyes that watched them. All of their friends with smiles on their faces; a few of them had probably just won money off of they bets they had going.

The elevator doors slid open, and a few people stepped out and re-joined the party. Once it was empty, Bucky held his hand out for her to board first. He stepped in behind her, making sure to press the 'door close' button a few times.

"Did I tell you how beautiful you are?" He asked when the doors closed, and he had boxed her in against the wall. His eyes were low and already full of lust that looked like it was going to spill over the brims.

"I think you might have mentioned it." She replied, her smile cast downwards.

Bucky placed a finger under her chin and lifted her head so that she would look at him. He was going to say something along the lines of how she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, how he didn't want to be with anyone else other than her, and how badly he wanted to be with her. But instead he just kissed her.

And she wrapped her arms around his neck, begging to be held. Bucky lifted her at the waist, already hard in his dress slacks and not caring that she could feel him press against her when she went to wrap her legs around him. By the time the doors sprang open, she had already had his shirt halfway unbuttoned; her hands roaming across his chest, digging her nails into his thick shoulders when he kissed the skin underneath her ear.

They were stumbling through the hallway towards his room in a fit of heated passion; undressing each other and leaving a trail of shoes and socks, and clothes in their wake.

Bucky fumbled to get the door to his room open, finding it hard to concentrate with the way her lips sucked at his collarbone. When the door swung open, she stopped for a moment, taking a second to look around at the surroundings. She had never been in his room before.

"It's not much," he mumbled.

"I like it," she replied. "It's just how I imagined."

"You imagined my bedroom?" His tone was curious and playful, and he stood behind her and placed a kiss on her bare shoulder.

"A few times," she smirked. "Now, please, get me out of this dress."

She didn't have to ask twice. Bucky's hands steadily smoothed over the bare skin of her shoulders; pushing her hair out of the way so that he could press tiny kisses to her skin while his fingers worked on the zipper. She sighed in relief when her skin was finally free of the scratchy fabric.

Bucky sat down on the edge of the bed in front of her, holding her out at arm's length and admiring her curves. She did a little dance for him, swaying her hips to the music that they could still hear from downstairs. He palmed himself through his boxers, and she had never been more turned on. Just knowing that he was turned on by just looking at her.

"Come here, doll." He swallowed thickly, breathing heavily as she ran her hands through his hair and straddled his waist.

He laced his fingers with hers and kissed each one of her fingertips, delicately and soft, and then dropped her arm over his shoulder; running his hands up her back and trailing kisses along her chest.

They just sat there for a moment, watching each other with wide eyes and long, heavy breaths. She wanted to memorize every inch of him with her mouth, as if her eyes weren't good enough; from the stubble on his chin, to the silk skin of his abs. She wanted to know how they felt against her lips.

Bucky's had cupped her cheek. His rough thumb caressed her skin, and her eyes lulled back. Every part of his touch felt like a forest fire in her veins. He placed a tender kiss on her temple, her cheek, the tip of her nose, the corner of her mouth, her chin. Then his lips found hers , once more.

There was nothing more passionate than this.

She dropped her head back when he took one of her nipples in his mouth, sucking and biting slightly until he moved on to the other. He was taking his time, making sure that she enjoyed every second of it; from the way his teeth grazed her skin, to the way his hands gripped her hips.

He stood up, flipping their position so that she was now laying on the bed. She sat up, hands moving to the waistband of his boxers, but he pulled them away. "No, no, no." He told her with a whisper. "Tonight's all about you."

Never had she ever felt anything like this. Like the world could fall out of the sky, but it would be okay because she was with Bucky. He was all that mattered, and he felt the same way about her; making her feel like she was the most beautiful girl in the world. Like she was the only girl in the world.

Bucky rid himself of his boxers, slowly stroking himself while he watched her; knowing that she loved the sight of it. The intensity between her thigh was mounting as he dropped to his knees and pulled her to the very end of the bed. The way he licked his lips almost caused her to break, right then. The look of pure, unadulterated lust in his eyes was dark and hungry.

Suddenly, his hot mouth was covering her, and she gasped at the feeling. The sounds of him sucking on her clit, the wiggling of his tongue between her folds was bewildering. Her entire body heated up a good fifty degrees, until Bucky's metal arm draped over her stomach, cooling her down.

She moaned loudly when he hit that bundle of nerves over and over again, until she was screaming his name so loudly that the entire city of New York could hear her. She moved her hips against his mouth, holding his head in place until she rode out the wave of pleasure that rocked her entire being.

He pulled himself from her, breathing heavily, and licking his lips. He pulled her into a deep kiss, allowing her to taste herself on his tongue. She moaned into his mouth, gripping at his body, silently begging for him to fuck her. Then he hitched her leg over to the side, and guided his throbbing cock to her entrance. She could see the wild inside of him, waiting to bust free. It excited her, and all she wanted was for him to take it all out on her.

"Shit," she cursed when she felt the head of his cock rub between her slit. His metal fingers dug into her hip, and she knew she'd have bruises in the shapes of his fingertips come tomorrow morning.

They were as close as they could possibly be, bodies slicked with sweat, rocking together in rhythm. She cried out, feeling all of him inside her at once. He threaded his hands hands with hers, pinning them behind her head, bringing them even closer somehow. He pulled out of her completely, and she looked down as his cock glistened in the air. Without warning, he delved right back into her, their bodies slapping against each other.

The pace began to shift; faster and faster, and she could feel her body begin to react. Bucky was holding on as best as he could, determined to outlast her. The deep, rumbling pleasure inside of her made her stomach do flips. She called out his name and every profanity in the book, until that raw explosion came close to erupting again.

Fireworks formed in her eyes as his name tumbled from her lips one last time. She was trembling, out of breath and hot. Bucky spilled inside of her seconds after, face in the crook of her neck as he let out a throaty moan. His chest was heaving, and beads of sweat culminated on his forehead, making strands of hair stick there.

She reached her hand up, moving the hair from his face to get a good look at those bight, sky blue eyes. There were things she wanted to say, but couldn't. So instead, she craned her neck and placed a kiss to his lips.

Bucky fell to her side and pulled the comforter over their naked bodies. "Happy New Year, Annelise." He told her as he draped his arm over her side.

In order to keep herself from saying the wrong thing- or in this case, the right thing- she just turned over and pretended like she had already fallen asleep. And after that, it didn't take long until she actually had.

 _Bucky smiled as he walked towards her. She was standing in the middle of a hallway in the high school that she worked at. Everything felt right, for the moment. She smiled back at him, feeling the butterflies fluttering in her stomach as he ran a hand through his hair._

 _She turned to the left and saw Susie Harrington and her shitty boyfriend, Bradley Carter, making out against the lockers. And when she turned back to Bucky, he was no longer alone, but walking down the hall with Natasha at his side; arm draped around her shoulder as the two whispered to each other._

 _Over the intercom she could hear Tony laughing hysterically, and then everyone was laughing. Bucky and Natasha were laughing, Susie and Brad; all of the sudden Rich and Gabriella were there, and Steve, Wanda, her parents._

She jolted from her sleep, sitting upright in the bed. A cold sweat had broken out all over her body, and she shivered as she began to come back to reality. Bucky was still asleep next to her, a smile resting on his perfect face, and his arm was still holding her to him.

It was early, but the sun wasn't out yet.

Bucky's room was warm as she crept from the bed, trying her hardest not to wake him. Any other morning after, she'd stay. But today she had things to take care of. Today she was finally going to get Sean out of her life so that she could move on.

So that she could move on with Bucky.

She shimmied into her dress, zipping it up as best as she could, and making a face when the fabric began to itch again. Outside of Bucky's door were the clothes and shoes that they had discarded before making it in to his room last night, neatly folded and placed. Annelise slipped into her heels and grabbed her clutch, and made a beeline towards the elevator.

She stopped on the party floor to grab a bottle of water from one of the many coolers from last night, and was surprised to see Tony still awake when she stepped out of the elevator.

"Walk of shame?" Tony asked. He was sitting on one of the couches with a book in his hands. A glass of alcohol and ice sat beside him.

"I'm not ashamed." She quipped back, walking over to him.

The party was over, the guests were gone, and the cleaning crew were silently making sure that there wasn't a trace left come sunrise.

"Is that-" Her voice trailed off when she saw the book in Tony's hands. He turned his head to look at her, knowing exactly what her next question was going to be. "Does Bucky know that you have that?"

"I would hope not," he replied sarcastically.

She had heard about the little, red journal that HYDRA had kept in order to brainwash the Winter Soldier into becoming a killing machine. Bucky had told her that it was lost in Siberia after they captured Zemo. He probably wouldn't be too happy to learn that it was here, and in the hands of someone who didn't like him very much at all.

"Why do you have it?" She demanded.

"I have my reasons," Tony replied.

"Were you- Were you planning to use this on him?"

Tony tilted his head and squinted his eyes at her. "That's for me to know, Ms. Beck." He stated. "I think you should probably get home. Don't you have a job to get back to today?"

She scoffed, sticking her tongue in her cheek to keep from saying something very insulting. "I'm astounded that I believed, for one second, that you actually wanted to help him." she replied, almost laughing at herself for being so stupid. She should have known all along.

"I think you might be overreacting just a little bit, here." Tony stated. "Don't you?" His voice was full of his high-horse-godliness that made him seem so clever and smart. However, Annelise saw right through him, especially now.

"Overreacting? No." She lunged forward and snatched the book out of his hands. "I'm taking this. I will not let you hurt him." Tony quickly stood up and went to take the book back from her, but she held her finger at him. "Do not even think about it."

"You know, this wouldn't have happened had you not fallen in love with him." He called to her as she walked off towards the elevator. "That was never part of the plan."

As the doors slid open, she turned back to him one last time.

"You're despicable." She spat.

* * *

 **Just so you know, this is the last chapter I will be updating on this website. If you want to read anymore updates, please head over to my tumblr- .com and you will be able to read this story and a bunch of others in Bucky x Reader format. Sorry, but some people on this website are assholes, and I'd just rather not deal with it.**


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